Miffed about baby clothes gift.

[HappyCat5]

Sorry loooong rant- please don't hate me for this!!
I have 5 weeks till baby's due date. I'm counting the weeks and days- I'm just so excited.

She will be our first child (and our rainbow baby- we had a first trimester loss before- which hit hard)
I worry that perhaps because of a previous loss, I sometimes may be coming across too precious at times.

I haven't bought her any clothes yet. My family and friends have gifted me lots of clothes (mostly pink) which are adorable and I love them all (even if some aren't the most practical, I hope she gets to wear them all a at least once).

My partner wanted things a little less pink, because he doesn't like the colour much so he has bought her some really cute yellow outfits to break things up.

Again, I love them- I have no preference on colour really (it just so happens people are buying me pink things- her room is lilac and white. I like a lot of baby clothes- there's hardly any I don't find cute).

But my co-workers have recently gifted me boy sleepsuits knowing that we are having a girl.

I was happy that I wasn't at work, because my partner could see the look on my face and I felt that they put very minimal thought into this gift.

There is so much choice for baby clothes online- for so less money (they left price on). I'm finding it hard to understand why they would choose boy clothes for my little girl.

They're not even unisex- I have a few unisex outfits already. And, these clothes just aren't very cute.

Mr. "There's too much pink" himself, wasn't happy with them sending me quite blatant male clothing. He felt that they were deliberately disrespecting me.

I've been trying to justify the reason why they would send these to me- and perhaps it was an oversight and I'm just being precious and ungrateful about the gift- but in the back of my mind, I don't think I am.

I haven't worked there long (had to move from my old job because of Covid) and they're all lovely co-workers btw, I just don't know them too well yet. I even said they didn't have to get me a gift- I wouldn't have minded not having one, and wasn't expecting one.

I'm thinking of sending the clothes on to people I know who have recently had boys- and will obviously ask them first if it's to their tastes or not. Maybe that's a callous move, I don't know- but they shouldn't go to waste, just because I don't want them.

I am unsure whether I should be feeling quite as bitter as I do over this gift. Am I just being a bit bratty about this?

Take back to the shop and exchange

'Mr. "There's too much pink" himself, wasn't happy with them sending me quite blatant male clothing. He felt that they were deliberately disrespecting me. '

What the fuck have I just read

I'd put girls in what people would call "boy" sleepsuits. I love the car, dinosaur, rocket motifs and I love blue they shouldn't be exclusively for boys.

Similarly girls shouldn't get the monopoly on pinks and purples. Both my boys loved pink and purple when toddlers, took me ages to find a purple shirt for my son when he wanted one I think it had a dinosaur on. And my youngest has always had a penchant for bright colours and sparkles, he used to want sparkly shoes like what are available in girls' sections and even now loves bright yellow orange red and green at nearly 10!

Baby blue has suited both my (different sex) children, it's very "fresh"

@HappyCat5

Thank you for all the responses! I've been reading them through and now completely agree that I'm in the wrong here.

As I did state though, my coworkers are really nice people (so I've doubted them for no reason- other than my own insecurities). I've moved from a job where I was very close to my colleagues (still am), into a job where I'm still getting to know them and they're still getting to know me.

So you're all correct in that I should cut them some slack and be way more appreciative than I have been.

I think pregnancy hormones have made me more than unreasonable. I'm also a bit of a pushover at work (completelt my own fault- I don't know how to say 'no') and sometimes it makes it seem that I am unappreciated (if I wasn't such a wet lettuce- I probably wouldn't feel this way).

Really sorry if I have offended a small handful of people on this matter. It was not my intention. And I shouldn't be so insensitive.

Well done OP for coming back! Your pregnancy hormones have sent you a bit doolally - and especially as this is your rainbow baby.
May be they thought that they shouldn't get you all pink items as you might think that's sexist?!
As a PP has said after a couple of poonamis you will be pleased with as many sleep suits as possible!
Good Luck

Believe me when I say you'll be amazed how many clothes your baby can get through in a day and you'll be glad of these at 3am when you've run out of the pink and yellow baby grows.

Baby sleep suits are unisex
Girls can wear blue and like diggers and dinosaurs and if she doesn't she will never know

I’d be unhappy about this too. Seems carelessly planned. Either buy unisex or the gender of the child. I can see both sides of clothes can be worn by anyone but personally I would be like you, blues for boys pinks for girls when buying for or dressing a baby. I’d be hurt but just pass them on. Likely someone’s thought you were having a boy.

Work colleagues possibly weren't listening/forgot when you told them you are having a girl and didn't want to ask, not knowing you that well. I doubt very much they care enough to 'disrespect' you. Your not under any obligation to dress your coming daughter on anything you're not comfortable with her wearing. Give them to charity if you don't want them. You'll soon have bigger things to think about

If you don't like them there's nothing wrong with saving them for a present for a friend having a baby. There's nothing wrong with preferring pink. But you shouldn't take it so personally. Maybe they just liked the design!
But maybe have a think about where this gender controlling attitude is coming from and what it will mean for your daughter as she grows up. How long do you plan to keep her in pink? Will you encourage her to play with "girls toys" only? Will you be offended if people buy her cars or dinosaurs to play with when she's older?
Babies are learning from birth, so any gender rules you impose now will probably stay with her for life.

OP I'm also wondering what was so clearly "boy" about them but I can see why it seems strange if they've bought you something that seems to be for boys if you have said you are having a girl.

If you don't like it though, give it away.

Hi @HappyCat5, congratulations on your rainbow baby

I can see why you were upset as it probably felt like they hadn’t put any thought into it, but I very much doubt they were trying to offend you especially as you say they are generally nice colleagues. You also mentioned they had spent quite a bit so the intention was obviously there to get you a nice gift, they have either got confused and thought you were having a boy or thought that the clothes they bought were unisex.

My little girl wears dinosaurs and super hero clothing. I love the fact she can wear pretty dresses but then a dinosaur top. I don’t want her growing up girls / boys can only wear certain clothing.

@Babyg1995

There is such a thing as boy and girl clothes ffs only on mumsnet if I knew someone was having a girl I wouldn't buy them blue sleep suits . It would be colours like yellow , cream or yes pink because its a girl do people really but girls blue sheepskins from the boys department in shops because they are separate .

My baby was put straight into a blue and white sleep suit when we were in hospital at one day old. It never even crossed my mind that people would think it was a boys sleep suit. I just like the cute sea animals on it. It must be pretty dull restricting yourself to only using certain colours.

Should probably admit as well, that I am a very scruffy, no make-up wearing, shop in the men's section sort of person.
I just wear jeans and t-shirt for work- I am a terrible hypocrite and would hate my daughter to feel afraid or confused about her gender growing up as I know how that feels.

I'm the youngest and only girl. Also have male cousins. I just had what they had really, because it was easier for my family. I was one of those kids that asked why my willy hadn't grown yet, and when would it?
I was also that kid that did a wee Standing up and got a bollocking for it (It's because I was weeing on the floor probably more than anything).
But I was also told off for taking my shirt off in public, because the boys around me did that (apparently girls can't do that) as well as other things.
Growing boobs was especially hard because I was suddenly "different" to the boys.
So I did have gender confusion and would hate for my child to go through that, so would much rather dress her in anything, than all pink (though didn't actually ask any one to get her pink, her room is white and purple, with white and grey bed clothes).

I totally realise I'm being bratty (though haven't told my coworkers I Don't like them, I thanked them very much for the clothes btw).

As I already said, I never expected them to get me something- they don't know me very well at all and they initially told me because of Covid, they couldn't really rally together to get me a gift. I was okay with that because I understood how hard it is right now.

I got them a leaving gift to say thank you for supporting me in my new role and for taking on my workload whilst I'm gone (and it was a rubbish gift of chocolates and wine- not very special) , so they probably felt inclined to return the gesture and what they bought me was a lot of money and was thoughtful (I just haven't seen that because the clothes were green and orange and not something I would have bought. Maybe if I got off my high horse, i would ) so I should be more grateful and I haven't been.

I want to see the clothes. I'm curious what they look like?

Ah there you go then. Green and orange were probably considered to be neutral

Congratulations on your little girl.
No Yanbu op,yes exchange them or donate whichever feels right for you.
Good luck in the future with your new daughter.

From your most recent post, HappyCat, I suspect your colleagues panicked when you gave them your gift, and someone rushed out to the only open shop/clicked on the first outfit on the website that would arrive in time. And if you’re not girly yourself, they wouldn’t have imagined you’d be offended.

In a similar vein, my DD was 12 in January, and got a couple of cards that were rather strange choices for her age, but I’m sure it was just what people had to hand. It’s not easy to find the perfect gift at the moment.

Good luck for the birth!

I think you’re waaaaay to in your head about this.

If your co-workers are generally nice, they will have got you blue stuff by accident.

Your baby isn’t going to have gender confusion from wearing blue/pink clothes as a baby. I would argue that you didn’t either - you suffered from a knowledge that you were treated differently and possibly unfairly because you were a girl.

Congratulations and relax

I always buy neutral baby clothes - can't stand the ghastly pink stuff or indeed the 'little man' nonsense. Baby clothes get covered in excreta so who cares?

I think that they have gone for neutral colors with green and orange.
They aren't girly colors certainly but they aren't the traditional blue either.

Given you aren't super feminine in your presentation they were probably trying to be extra thoughtful.

OP you do seem a bit confused! Perhaps because of the issues you had with your gender identity that you mention.

I mean it kindly, try as well as you can not to project it on your daughter. It would suck for her.

Clothes do not decide anyone’s gender. Especially not when they are babies. It is the other way around.

My baby girl was dressed exclusively in her brother hand me downs. I am sure you would have been horrified - some of them were even straight up blue and had dinosaurs all over, some had a dog piloting a plane, you get the idea. She had blue sheets too and blue blanket. She had no idea it was for boys.

She is now a four year older who loves dresses and purple and refuses to wear trousers. She is very secure in her gender identity as a girl but I am sure it will change at some point and then change again.

Try to not pressurize your daughter into anything when she gets older - it will likely have opposite effect.

It actually sounds like they went out of their way to pick baby clothes that they thought you would like.

It isn't unreasonable for them to assume you wouldn't want a pile of frilly pink baby clothes when you shop in the men's section and don't often like stereotypical feminine styles yourself.

Green and orange was probably more effort than plumping for pink. Like a poster above I think they tried to find something they thought you’d like. Some of my favourite outfits on my girls were blue. Try not to overthink it.