Miffed about baby clothes gift.

[HappyCat5]

Sorry loooong rant- please don't hate me for this!!
I have 5 weeks till baby's due date. I'm counting the weeks and days- I'm just so excited.

She will be our first child (and our rainbow baby- we had a first trimester loss before- which hit hard)
I worry that perhaps because of a previous loss, I sometimes may be coming across too precious at times.

I haven't bought her any clothes yet. My family and friends have gifted me lots of clothes (mostly pink) which are adorable and I love them all (even if some aren't the most practical, I hope she gets to wear them all a at least once).

My partner wanted things a little less pink, because he doesn't like the colour much so he has bought her some really cute yellow outfits to break things up.

Again, I love them- I have no preference on colour really (it just so happens people are buying me pink things- her room is lilac and white. I like a lot of baby clothes- there's hardly any I don't find cute).

But my co-workers have recently gifted me boy sleepsuits knowing that we are having a girl.

I was happy that I wasn't at work, because my partner could see the look on my face and I felt that they put very minimal thought into this gift.

There is so much choice for baby clothes online- for so less money (they left price on). I'm finding it hard to understand why they would choose boy clothes for my little girl.

They're not even unisex- I have a few unisex outfits already. And, these clothes just aren't very cute.

Mr. "There's too much pink" himself, wasn't happy with them sending me quite blatant male clothing. He felt that they were deliberately disrespecting me.

I've been trying to justify the reason why they would send these to me- and perhaps it was an oversight and I'm just being precious and ungrateful about the gift- but in the back of my mind, I don't think I am.

I haven't worked there long (had to move from my old job because of Covid) and they're all lovely co-workers btw, I just don't know them too well yet. I even said they didn't have to get me a gift- I wouldn't have minded not having one, and wasn't expecting one.

I'm thinking of sending the clothes on to people I know who have recently had boys- and will obviously ask them first if it's to their tastes or not. Maybe that's a callous move, I don't know- but they shouldn't go to waste, just because I don't want them.

I am unsure whether I should be feeling quite as bitter as I do over this gift. Am I just being a bit bratty about this?

When I know someone is having a baby girl I tend to deliberately stay away from pink and frilly as I remember getting so much of that for DD (and it's not to my taste at all) that I think the receiver might like a change from all the pink and pastels.

My DS wore loads of Dds old clothes and now I'm expecting baby number 3 and don't know what they're going to be I still plan on getting out the old clothes from both kids for the new baby to wear.

Unless there is a slogan which states that the wearer is male (mummy's little boy/ daddy's man/ little brother etc) then I'd imagine the co-workers were just trying to get you something that wouldn't be a duplicate, especially if you've told them you've got a lot of pink.

If there is a male slogan I'd imagine it was just a mistake and just try and exchange it or pass it on to a friend or charity shop.

This school of thinking is why all the primary 7 drawings of nurses our ward was sent were drawings of female nurses wearing dresses, despite the nurses working on my ward being an equal split of male and female.

This really isn't a problem. Chances are they are not 'boy' clothes as unless it says something about 'daddy's boy', 'boys will be boys' (bleugh) then I can't see what about them is boyish. I wear blue all the time, it's just a nice colour.

It is a gift, it is not malicious. It is probably to the taste of whoever bought it and they thought you would like it too. If you don't like them then just say thank you and pass them along to someone else at a later date. Nothing to fixate on here. Congratulations on your baby.

@pheasantsinlove

YANBU op. Hopefully just a mistake... is there anything girlie in the gift or is it just boys and unisex stuff?

If no girlie stuff I'd send a message saying thank you very much for unexpected gift but think there's been a mistake as you're having a girl!

As for all the ' there's no such thing as boys clothes' posters... bullshit. Dress your own kids in what you like but like it or not in these clothes everyone would assume the baby was a boy.

Good grief, do not do this. Do not message Them about it. Height of rudeness.

... and the majority of the doctors were drawn as men. Depressing for me as a doctor and a mother. 80% of the doctors on our ward are female.

I think with all the gender stuff going on nowadays, I imagine people are deliberately shying away from pink for a girl and blue for a boy. Could be that, or they have got muddled about the sex of your baby. Exciting times ahead, don't let it bother you!

Try not to be offended, it’s likely it wasn’t done deliberately. As important and exciting as it is for you and your family to your colleagues it’s not that exciting (especially if they haven’t seen you recently if you’re working remotely). Every time someone’s getting a baby gift at our work there’s a debate over what they said they were having or if they knew what they were having as most people listen, say that’s nice, then move on and forget until it’s born. Sounds like they got it wrong this time, not to worry, the thought was there.

I haven't read the whole thread bit I had two thoughts reading your op.
Either they don't know you are having a girl...
Or, in the modern times we live in, is it safe to assume that if you have a girl you will dress her in pink, girly things?
They may have purposely looked at something gender neutral.
If they have brought you a gift, and as you say, left the tags on, take it and exchange it if you want to. Or keep it and use it anyway. You'll get through lots and lots of clothes!

But my co-workers have recently gifted me boy sleepsuits knowing that we are having a girl

There's no such thing as boy sleepsuits FFS

I think you are being a bit unreasonable yes, but I'll give you a pass because you're pregnant! I was pregnant in lockdown and the shops were closed and it seemed nearly impossible to find anything in newborn or 0-3 in the shops and I definitely remember crying in the carpark of the big Tesco that my baby was going to be naked (as it turns out she was a lot of the time because it was boiling).

We were passed on a load of pink stuff, I mean super pink with frills and flowers and hearts and didn't know what we were having at the time. I would have had no issue dressing a boy in them except perhaps if they were his only clothes I felt like people would think I was making a very obvious statement every time I dressed him.

We had a girl and whilst all the pink wasn't to my taste we used it, and have used the gifts we've been given too. But when I buy things I tend to go for brights and lots of green as it suits her. I also love dinosaurs so have quite a few dinosaur things and without fail if she wears green or something with a dinosaur and we go out someone will refer to her as 'he'. I don't really care though, don't even bother to correct them most of the time unless it's someone I'll see often.

So I think its wrong to say theres no gendered clothing in the sense that a lot of people DO see it as gendered and make assumptions accordingly. But I don't think it should be like that. And I don't think it much matters if people accidentally misgender your baby, not like they're going to care.

Honestly keep the clothes they might come in handy as spares. If you really dislike them enough that you wouldn't dress your baby in them then you could always donate or pass them on to a friend or relative. If your colleagues are generally nice I'd just say thank you and think no more about it- I'm sure it wasn't a deliberate slight.

Why on earth would your partner suggest your colleagues have deliberately set out to upset you?

Actually, this. Forget your work colleagues.

Who, when they see their heavily pregnant wife upset over a present, instead of comforting her and reassuring her (it's fine babe, well swap them or give them to Penny and buy something new / I bet they got the present mixed up and now Dawn has pink ones for little Jimmy etc) starts talking about how they be disrespecting you!

When I started my maternity leave I got a lovely basket of blue clothes/sleep suits and muslins, bibs etc. I was expecting a girl. The lady tasked with sorting out the gift was positive I'd said it was a boy !!! Shed obviously taken loads of time choosing and wrapping it all up. Everything in it got used, colour didn't matter and the blue made a great change to the loads of pink stuff I received.

Could you link a picture to them?

It's probably been a mistake, maybe they've forgotten you're having a girl. Or did you mention your dh was fed up with all the pink so they tried to buy something different.

This wouldn't upset me at all, if I didn't want to use them I'd just say thank you then pass them on and think nothing else of it.

A lot of people on MN feel strongly about gendered clothes / toys OP.

In the real world, you are not being unreasonable if you received all blue sleep suits when you’re having a girl. Clearly someone made a mistake, but it is very unlikely to be malicious.

Congratulations on your imminent arrival.

In the real world, you are not being unreasonable if you received all blue sleep suits when you’re having a girl. Clearly someone made a mistake, but it is very unlikely to be malicious

I can assure you all MNers live in the real world, and OP is absolutely unreasonable in the real world, where complaining about any gift as its not what you think is the right colour is very rude

Wow. If this isn’t a wind up, and you’re really agonising over a few blue sleepsuits, I just want to reassure you ... when your baby is born you won’t have the time or energy to be this precious and bratty (your word). You may even be able to feel grateful that your new work colleagues bothered to send you a gift during lockdown.

Short of having ‘I HAVE A PENIS’ emblazoned across the front, I don’t really get why they would be ‘boy’ clothes or why this would be an issue?

DD has loads of her brother’s hand me downs, plus some new stuff from the ‘boy’ department. It breaks up all the pink stuff (we were very lucky to be gifted lots of hand me downs from friends with girls) nicely.

Don't worry about it. I had my first baby in a December, and by the time I went to show him off at work they'd got me a load of stuff with 'Born in 20XX' from a supermarket sale in the new year (when obviously he was born the year before)

I'm sure they would have been mortified if I'd pointed it out. It wasn't personal and of course didn't matter a bit when it was covered in puke.

Not bothered to return, OP?

DD was my second child. She wore a lot of blue.

I know what you mean though OP. It's disappointing when a present isn't something you would ever choose yourself. Could you ask the organiser for a gift receipt so you can swap them?

Whilst I absolutely agree that clothes should be clothes - the fact is they're not.

Society dictates that we could, if we had to at gun point, very easily identify which ones others would consider Boy Clothes and which ones society would consider Girl Clothes.

In this case, 'society' ie colleagues have got the 'wrong' ones knowing that OP is expecting a girl.

It's odd.

Unless you know a colleague well enough to know unequivocally that they aren't all about colour coding children (I am not and would be THRILLED as the gift would show a lot of consideration for my personal opinion) then this is an odd choice and does show a lack of thought.

I get it.

OP is not flinging it back in their face and demanding they swap it. She's expressing her own anonymous disappointment that he colleagues have ignored normal conventions and risked upsetting her. If you didn't want to upset a colleague, you'd buy neutral or the 'right' clothing just in case surely??

In a nice way you are being a little precious, but it's ok, you can dress your baby however you wish.

With DS2 I bought him loads of pink baby grows and ones with rainbows and unicorns on. Yes they were for 'girls' but I didn't care because I loved them. No one said anything. But if you want to dress her in only 'girl' colours it totally your prerogative.

I did have a bit of an eye roll moment earlier on though on Facebook when a woman wanted someone to swap a stroller with her as the perfectly lovely, serviceable one she had had dinosaurs on it and she had a girl 😂^^ I wouldn't care but they were purple dinosaurs too!

Flog them on fb! Then buy what you like. My DD wore some 'boys' ones that were more unisex. I bought them when I didn't know gender but after she was born, I was buying all the beautiful girl things haha

In what way are they boys clothes? Unless they have text that says "little man" then they're unisex. We don't know the sex of our baby, due around same time as you, I've got blue dinosaurs and purple butterflies, both will be worn by whatever baby comes out.

It depends what you mean by ‘boy sleepsuits’ really. If they’re just blue then of course YABU because a colour is a colour, it doesn’t have a sex. If they say ‘mummy’s little boy’ or something along those lines then YANBU.