Nan won't have vaccine

[PurpleYo]

But expects everyone to still be happy to meet with her once restrictions lift.

What would you do?

She says if it's her time it's her time, she's not bothered. Which is her choice of course but I obviously wouldn't feel that way about potentially having killed my Nan if I were the one to pass anything on!

She is 80. I am in my late 20s with young children in primary so still going to be a bit of a risk factor for a while.

I wont be having the vaccine (for MH reasons) and I am prepared to lie to friends who get funny about seeing me without it. Or I will cut them out my life anyway for getting shitty about my own personal medical decisions

Telling people you are vaccinated if you are not is incredibly selfish and unfair. Your choice not to have it, but don't put others at risk with your decisions.

What would make you feel worse, your Nan dying of coronavirus and there being a small chance that you gave it to her while being asymptomatic, or your Nan dying alone having not seen you in so long because you wouldn't visit her becuase of her own personal medical decisions?
Totally agree with this

@Dontyouwantme - she won’t die alone. She would die in a hospital bed, surrounded by staff doing their utmost to help her. Nearly entirely avoidable if she got a vaccine.

Yes OP DGM can decide not to have the vaccine.

But equally OP can also decide not to see her DGM because of the risks of working with children.

Neither is being selfish and there are consequences of the decisions that each adult makes.

And I could’ve written your post myself @XenoBitch.
Personally I’ll be gladly and unashamedly lying that I’ve had the vaccine. I imagine quite a lot of people will be doing the same to avoid becoming a social pariah

@TitusPullo come on now, you know that’s not the connotations of ‘dying alone’

I just don't know how I'm supposed to be okay with 'if I die, I die' when that's my Nan and the thought that I could potentially be the one to have given it to her if the worst did happen makes me really scared. She may be okay with it but I would hate to live with that on my conscience

Personally I’ll be gladly and unashamedly lying that I’ve had the vaccine. I imagine quite a lot of people will be doing the same to avoid becoming a social pariah grin

Thats not funny. The selfish fuckwittery of people never ceases to amaze and appall.

@Dontyouwantme - it’s about the same as the disgusting emotional blackmail people are using on this thread.

@XenoBitch

YABU. Her body, her choice. I wont be having the vaccine (for MH reasons) and I am prepared to lie to friends who get funny about seeing me without it. Or I will cut them out my life anyway for getting shitty about my own personal medical decisions.

Well that's incredibly selfish of you XenoBitch. Your MH reason do not mean that YOU can risk other people lives.

Why is Okay for you to take away your friends and family choice to meet with only vaccinated people if they choose too.

@TitusPullo I agree, I think interfering with other people’s medical choices by threatening to cut them off is really disgusting too

If any of my friends choose not to get the vaccine, I’d respect their decisions and will happily meet them outside for walks etc. I would think less of their intelligence but I can’t help that. If I found out they’d lied about getting it I’d never give them the time of day again. How pathetic do you have to be to make a decision that impacts others lives and then lie about it.

Just avoid all contact with her. Not just because you will feel bad if she catches it and dies (whether or not you actually passed it on, you won't know so you will feel guilty) but also because there is a risk of her passing it on to you. How would your children feel if you caught it and died? How would you feel if one of your children caught it and they died? Statistically unlikely, but some people in every age group die of it.

The point of the vaccine is that it doesn't just protect the recipient, it protects the people around them. So while she is free to reject it, you are free to reject her.

Not getting the vaccine for any reason other than medical is fundamentally selfish because as other posters say you are actively choosing NOT to protect other people from your potential illness.

The thing about rights is that everyone has them. You have the right not to have the vaccine, I have the right not to be put at risk by coming into contact with you- and it would be a genuine risk as I'm CEV. So why do your rights trump mine? When did you decide other people's lives are expendable as long as you're happy?

@Dontyouwantme - Ha! that is not interfering thats consequences. I haven’t told my nan she must get the vaccine or booked it on her behalf. I’ve said that’s fine but I will not be able to visit you inside. I’m not risking my life (I have an underlying condition and a very young child) because of a decision my nan made. Elderly people can be selfish, can be rude, can be entitled. To think otherwise is belittling.

@TitusPullo good job you’ll probably never know if they do lie then eh

@XenoBitch
I wont be having the vaccine (for MH reasons) and I am prepared to lie to friends who get funny about seeing me without it.

@Dontyouwantme
Personally I’ll be gladly and unashamedly lying that I’ve had the vaccine. I imagine quite a lot of people will be doing the same to avoid becoming a social pariah grin

With friends like this, who needs enemies?

Not sure why you're 'grinning'. Being a liar, endangering other people's health and taking away others' ability to make a free informed choice is about as low as it gets.

At the risk of sounding heartless, if that's how she feels and if you aren't worried about getting it from her, then you have to accept it. She's getting older and unfortunately her passing is something that is likely to happen. Unless she's going to stay at home, she's as likely to catch it from going out as she is from you. You aren't likely to ever know for sure. She could get flu from you too. I am sorry though that you have this dilemma to face. I can only say that if it was me, I would accept their choice and still see her. I work in a school and have done so all along. My Mum had the same attitude as your Nan before she could have the vaccine. I felt I was a risk to her, but she said she'd rather take the risk and possibly die than not take the risk and be alone.

You and your children could equally pass on a cold or a sickness bug that could potentially kill her! There are still other bugs and things out there as well as covid, would you refuse to see her on the pretence that you might be in the early stages of a cold or noro?

@Dontyouwantme - I’d hope my friends have enough respect for me not to lie to me. Luckily all my close friends are very vocally in support of the vaccine and those that haven’t had it are desperate for theirs. We’ve had good honest discussions about it and our doubts etc. I obviously keep good company. Anyway I could probably would work it out if none of them ever travelled abroad again.

Vaccination is and should be a choice. If you refuse it despite the risk of covid being so much higher, at least have the guts to tell the truth.

@Dontyouwantme

And I could’ve written your post myself *@XenoBitch*. Personally I’ll be gladly and unashamedly lying that I’ve had the vaccine. I imagine quite a lot of people will be doing the same to avoid becoming a social pariah

Count me in that too I'm even looking into ways of getting it on record I've had it for possible work or travel issues I'm willing to pay up too

@GrumpyHoonMain

One of my relatives was like this, so I used DS as a bribe to make her get it done. Basically said if she got the vaccine then provided we did too we’ll bring DS to see her (she hasn’t seen him since he was born as he’s a lockdown baby).

That’s a horrible thing to say. I do hope you have all had the flu jab as well.

What would make you feel worse, your Nan dying of coronavirus and there being a small chance that you gave it to her while being asymptomatic, or your Nan dying alone having not seen you in so long because you wouldn't visit her becuase of her own personal medical decisions? I do wonder whether 18 months ago you (or anyone) didn't visit your loved ones for fear of passing on Flu? Or even the common cold (can be fatal in the Elderly ECV)? Would you have lived with the guilt if she had died of flu, which unvaccinated-young-You passed on to her? I'm guessing not.

Only Covid seems to matter.

And - no-one knows how long the vaccine will protect FOR! It might be as little as 3 months! It's not a once-a-lifetime jab, you know. It might mean 3 or 4 jabs a year. Will all of you ardent vaccinators stop seeing your loved ones when your immunity starts to wear off? So maybe after 2 months - and 1 month before your next jab?

I'm conjecturing. I don't know how long the vaccine lasts. No one does. But I know that I am not having this 1st wave of vaccine - I am sitting back and watching the effects, and I might join the next wave, which will be sometime next winter I assume. I'm 60. Yes I'm probably 'selfish' (so many seem to be, these days whether they are going shopping, to the beach, on holiday or just seeing their family ) but it's my choice.

Of course that’s your choice @lorca - just don’t lie about having it and accept some people may not wish to socialise with you. Some posters on here want to have their cake and eat it. Not get vaccinated, but not have the consequences of that decision.