Hen Party Abroad

[Strawbfields]

Hey,

I am a bridesmaid for a good friend who is absolutely insisting on having a 4/5 night hen party abroad in the summer holidays next year. Like the majority of us, I have been unable to get away with my OH or family due to the pandemic and I'd rather prioritise my family. The cost is looking to be in the region of £1000PP by the time we factor in the holiday cost, spending money and all the added extras that come with hen parties. (The brides DM is covering the brides cost)

I just think with everything that we have all gone through over the last year, it would be far better to hire out a lodge with hot tub etc and have a great time in the UK at a 1/4 of the cost.

It might also be worth mentioning the wedding has been postponed by a year due to the pandemic and a few of the girls circumstances have changed. If the wedding itself was abroad then that would be completely different, but I think it's a bit much just for a hen weekend. AIBU?

Op, what a wild situation. Not to mention the whole C-word and uncertainty (irresponsibility?) about travel abroad in the coming months. The bride sounds like a real piece of work. You're better off without her and her diva demands.

@ClarkeGriffin

I give their marriage a year tops. Hope by that point that the expensive honeymoon and no doubt wedding was worth it. Marriages based upon expense from the start rarely last, especially with someone as catty as the bride.

Oh well her loss overall op. She shouldn't have been such a princess.

It wouldn't be unheard of for a marriage to not last the honeymoon.

They sound awful. Sounds like you've both had a lucky escape from this "friendship"

Oh goodness, just re-read that this is for NEXT summer. Nice that she gave you all a head's up, but this sounds like a bridezilla plan that will probably implode or be reimagined in the next 18(?) months. And deposits down the drain.

The insanity knows no bounds ...
www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7210049/Woman-reveals-spent-87-500-attending-peoples-weddings-hen-dos.html

It wouldn't be unheard of for a marriage to not last the honeymoon.

No it wouldn't, although not sure why I put honeymoon, I meant hen do. But I imagine with this bride, nothing but travelling the world will do for her honeymoon.

Long thread but amazing the gall of some people.

Be glad you’re out first. Others will find it harder to follow, but there are probably a few that would want to say the same.

I'm loath to see bullies getting their own way and having everyone pander to them so as not to rock the boat. There are some boats that positively need scuttling.

OP - Kudos. Love it when someone stands up to a raging arsehole. The idea that those around them must comply with their wants or be subject to an aggressive, passive-aggressive or backstabbing whispering campaign is off-the-scale petulant and entitled. Oddly enough, those who do capitulate are often despised into the bargain.

If you simply withdraw there is nothing they can actually do. The power of 'no' is liberating and people do you a real favour when they show you who they really are. You're then at liberty to decide on which friends you're willing to expend your precious time.

@ClarkeGriffin

It wouldn't be unheard of for a marriage to not last the honeymoon.

No it wouldn't, although not sure why I put honeymoon, I meant hen do. But I imagine with this bride, nothing but travelling the world will do for her honeymoon.

Oh, she won't want to travel the world. She hardly seems the type to go trekking through the Himalayas. No, she'll go for Dubai. More Insta potential, you see.

This sounds like torture.

[quote HomeTheatreSystem]The insanity knows no bounds ...
www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7210049/Woman-reveals-spent-87-500-attending-peoples-weddings-hen-dos.html[/quote]
Fools and their money are soon parted...

Four in a room for that amount?

Now that OP has dropped out, it's likely to be £1333 for three of them sharing that same room. Ouch.

Revoking your OHs invite to the Stag was so utterly petty but a blessing In Disguise.
Hopefully they’ve exhausted all the avenues for expressing their outrage at your disobedience to the all powerful She Who Must Be Obeyed.
Looking at the dynamics of this group they have got a taste for picking on people and now that you’ve gone they will have to find another person be lowest in the wonderful wedding pecking order.
Hens by name Hens by nature. You are so well out of this.

@Strawbfields

I have no regrets in posting on MN for advice. I only told the complete truth and if that makes me a snake then make it a king cobra

My OH has had his invite to the stag do revoked also. Grooms brother messaged him to let him know, poor guy seemed mortified in his messages!

28 & 29? They sound like 12 year olds. Honestly no loss to you both, who would want to be friends with such selfish and childish people?

@FinallyHere

Four in a room for that amount?

Now that OP has dropped out, it's likely to be £1333 for three of them sharing that same room. Ouch.

hahaha good, no way everyone is going to pay that surely?

So just say that.... But you would love to go for a hen night in the UK when they return

I think you should be patting yourself on the back OP. You don’t have to bother with these nasty idiots anymore. Crack on with your own happy life.

@maddy68 have you read the whole thread?

Oh, she won't want to travel the world. She hardly seems the type to go trekking through the Himalayas. No, she'll go for Dubai. More Insta potential, you see.

Oh I didn't mean like that, more like visiting 10 countries and staying in 5 star hotels, only luxury, no trekking or tents. But yeah dubai seems likely for this one, with a rented lamborghini for transport while there.

@maddy68

So just say that.... But you would love to go for a hen night in the UK when they return

Um I don't think she would be very welcome and can't think of a single reason why she would want to do this.

Maybe at least read the OPs updates.

Sounds like you dodged a bullet there OP, but I bet she'll still send you a gift request closer to the wedding.
If that's the case, I'd be inclined to send a single toothpick or something along those lines.

@maddy68

So just say that.... But you would love to go for a hen night in the UK when they return

@maddy68

973 posts before yours and you don't think that a) someone would already have said this or b) things might have moved on a bit since the OP?

RTFT

@Strawbfields

Hey everyone, I've had a good chuckle at some of the replies on this thread. You are all a great bunch and you have really made me feel so much better about this whole situation.

I sent a message this morning, below is a word for word copy:

"Hey ladies, I've had a look into the options you've all sent over and I'm afraid I will not be going abroad at the expense you've quoted. My circumstances have changed since last year and without going into great detail, the money spent on the hen could go towards a new boiler for the house we're hoping to buy. Also, due to my shifts, I'd need at least 6 days off and I can't justify missing out on family trips etc after the terrible year we have all had. I really hope you understand, and hope Gemma* will understand too. I will of course be joining you all for any UK based celebrations and look forward to it. Take care and stay safe ladies xx"

• not the brides real name.

So every member of the group chat has read my message and I haven't had a reply. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulder. I initially felt like I was being unreasonable and selfish but this thread has made me realise I'm just a normal girl with normal expenses and I shouldn't have to spend a months salary to show how good a friend I am.

I haven't read every post here but I think what you have said is absolutely fine though I would have been inclined to just message your friend personally and not a group (but I've never been in to 'group chats' anyway). However, you have done it. I can assure you, you will not be the only one.

Good for you.

Oh, I am so glad that I am now middle aged and all the days of massive, overpriced, endless bloody weddings are over.

The drama! The arseholery! The expense!

Well done, OP, you are well shot of this entire group by the sounds of it.