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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hen Party Abroad

999 replies

Strawbfields · 22/03/2021 21:15

Hey,

I am a bridesmaid for a good friend who is absolutely insisting on having a 4/5 night hen party abroad in the summer holidays next year. Like the majority of us, I have been unable to get away with my OH or family due to the pandemic and I'd rather prioritise my family. The cost is looking to be in the region of £1000PP by the time we factor in the holiday cost, spending money and all the added extras that come with hen parties. (The brides DM is covering the brides cost)

I just think with everything that we have all gone through over the last year, it would be far better to hire out a lodge with hot tub etc and have a great time in the UK at a 1/4 of the cost.

It might also be worth mentioning the wedding has been postponed by a year due to the pandemic and a few of the girls circumstances have changed. If the wedding itself was abroad then that would be completely different, but I think it's a bit much just for a hen weekend. AIBU?

OP posts:
HeronLanyon · 24/03/2021 19:27

Oh op what an absolute load of crap (just seen you latest update Re fb comments). What on earth is wrong with that family ? Really awful. So sorry. Even when you know damn well you have behaved normally and properly it’s still tiring and can be upsetting to deal with stuff like this. In top of your own stressful job etc.
Sometimes in life I feel like ‘sending the boys round’ (I don’t know any such boys but you know why I mean. In this case to tell them to back off and behave.
Flowers

Atalune · 24/03/2021 19:31

I just saw that MIL called you a snake. What a bunch of drama llamas! I mean what a load of idiots.

wellingtonsandwaffles · 24/03/2021 19:32

I arranged a hen party for £20 pp including lots of lovely food and drink. Picnic in the park and “pj day” back at home with lots of DIY games and challenges - no overnight but meant accessible to all !

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/03/2021 19:34

Perhaps your dp could respond to the mil ‘ “I’m surprised you’re allowing (grooms name) to marry Medusa’Wink

Buggeredpelvicfloor2013 · 24/03/2021 19:39

This is disgraceful, what an actual load of bitches they are. You can be my friend OP, I think you sound lovely and I would appreciate your honesty! The worst thing is probably lots of the other girls in the group are in a similar situation but darent say! Go no contact, what exactly is this person giving you? And when people ask why that friendship ended.... Well, its laughable really isn't it xx

brushlaptop · 24/03/2021 19:45

So you're a "snake" for not spending 1k on a hen do during a pandemic!? OKAYYYY 🙄🙄

NeverBeenNormal · 24/03/2021 19:48

YANBU The bride and her mother are the unreasonable ones. Totally selfish. People are hard up. They have lost their jobs or have had their hours cut and are struggling to pay the bills.

SAY NO! If the bride doesn't like, she's not a genuine friend. Oh how I wish for the Old Days when the bride went out for a meal with her a few days before the wedding! None of this 5 days away at ridiculous expense mark.

Original poster
Strawbfields · 24/03/2021 19:59

Thank you so much everyone for all your kind comments. They have really given me a lift and it's great to know that so many people share my opinion that the whole pantomime is just bonkers!

I hope in years to come when/if I have a daughter of my own who finds herself planning a hen do, I can look back on this and share the details with her - in the hope she dare not dream of pulling a Gemma*!😁

OP posts:
ACovidofWitches · 24/03/2021 20:05

God but I'm cringing reading this. How do people get to adulthood without having had these kind of corners knocked off them? You sound lovely OP and well done holding your ground. Even without the money stresses the pandemic has brought people, I wouldn't spend that much money on a hen do. It's so self-indulgent.

I promise that when you buy your house you'll be so glad you can put that money towards something for yourselves that will last. These are not your friends.

YouKnowItsTrue · 24/03/2021 20:05

It’s hard to understand how none of the bridal party have seen the other side to this fiasco. It does leave you wondering what on Earth the bride is saying! Confused

Sexnotgender · 24/03/2021 20:18

How on earth would it cost £1k to share a room with 3 other people? That’s a crazy amount of money. Well done for saying no, can’t believe how awfully they have all behaved.

MarieDelaere · 24/03/2021 20:26

@Sexnotgender

How on earth would it cost £1k to share a room with 3 other people? That’s a crazy amount of money. Well done for saying no, can’t believe how awfully they have all behaved.
It'll be something to do with 'The Marbella Club' type prices. They're extortionate. As in, Petra Ecclestone's world extortionate.

Maybe a grand sounds reasonable when you could possibly get a selfie next to Tamara's discarded beach towel.

pictish · 24/03/2021 20:34

It’s simple gang mentality. People fear social ostracism and will bond over a common enemy.

Many years ago I was ostracised by my social group after I voiced my discomfort with one them using our shared flat, in which she did not live, as a venue to have an affair in. I knew her partner well on my own merit so I didn’t want to be complicit.
I was dropped like a sack of shit by all of them. It was really humiliating and took me a long time to recover from.
I feel bloody sorry for you at the moment. If it’s any consolation they do sound like bunch of absolute muppets. I can spot a snake from miles away? How ironic is that? Thick as mince I tell you. You’re not missing anything good.

BRB2021 · 24/03/2021 21:05

@Sexnotgender

How on earth would it cost £1k to share a room with 3 other people? That’s a crazy amount of money. Well done for saying no, can’t believe how awfully they have all behaved.
Because everyone is paying for the bride, MiL and no doubt other relatives who are as bad! Without actually being informed that they are subsiding them no doubt
MimiDaisy11 · 24/03/2021 21:24

I'm curious at what's being said behind your back for you to be labelled a "snake" and for your true colours to be showing. I can't believe they got to those insults from someone saying they can't afford an expensive holiday. That's just bizarre.

boxingdayagain · 24/03/2021 21:38

I'm curious at what's being said behind your back for you to be labelled a "snake" and for your true colours to be showing. I can't believe they got to those insults from someone saying they can't afford an expensive holiday. That's just bizarre

I suspect they've seen this thread...

MaraScottie · 24/03/2021 21:49

@boxingdayagain

I'm curious at what's being said behind your back for you to be labelled a "snake" and for your true colours to be showing. I can't believe they got to those insults from someone saying they can't afford an expensive holiday. That's just bizarre

I suspect they've seen this thread...

In fact if they haven't seen this thread, you should definitely send it to them OP!
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 24/03/2021 22:09
Flowers
BrightYellowDaffodil · 24/03/2021 22:22

@LibbyKate

Would we want a group of girls/women attacking our daughters online like this..?

Maybe it would be better if daughters weren't raised to believe that behaving in the way that Gemma and her cohort have is in any way acceptable rather than, let's see, entitled, spoiled and bullying.

If a daughter of mine demanded Zoom Bridesmaids Meetings and £1k hen dos that attendees couldn't afford, I'd be fucking ashamed.

GrandTheftWalrus · 24/03/2021 22:28

I really do find some humans amazing at their entitled behaviour!

Returnoftheowl · 24/03/2021 22:45

In fact if they haven't seen this thread, you should definitely send it to them OP

As this thread has made the tabloids I suspect they may have already seen it.

MrsClatterbuck · 24/03/2021 22:46

I remember years ago a relative telling me about a couple who were about to get married. This was before hen and stag parties being held abroad. They had their house already furnished courtesy I think of the brides parents. The FOTB had to get £200 shoes and the MOTB had ordered special pearls to wear. Thinking eighties here. his shoes cost more than my wedding dress I think everything was going very bridezilla and OTT. It got too much for the groom and it was called off.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 24/03/2021 22:51

I'm curious at what's being said behind your back for you to be labelled a "snake" and for your true colours to be showing.

I don't think that really matters anymore. This isn't salvageable.

RampantIvy · 24/03/2021 23:06

Basically, it boils down to the fact that they didn't want Strawbfields company, but the contents of her purse to sub the bridezilla. I wonder if they are scrabbling around trying to find someone else to fleece?

And if she isn't getting married until next year what exactly is there to plan now? Book a venue, organise flowers, a photographer and the dresses, job done. If she is going overboard now everyone will be bored with the wedding before it happens.

I bet it will feel like such an anticlimax to the bridezilla afterwards.

I agree that you have dodged a cannonball sized bullet. I bet the infighting and bitching will continue among them and there will be other casualties.

Original poster
Strawbfields · 24/03/2021 23:34

I have no regrets in posting on MN for advice. I only told the complete truth and if that makes me a snake then make it a king cobra GrinGrin

My OH has had his invite to the stag do revoked also. Grooms brother messaged him to let him know, poor guy seemed mortified in his messages!

OP posts:
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