Hen Party Abroad

[Strawbfields]

Hey,

I am a bridesmaid for a good friend who is absolutely insisting on having a 4/5 night hen party abroad in the summer holidays next year. Like the majority of us, I have been unable to get away with my OH or family due to the pandemic and I'd rather prioritise my family. The cost is looking to be in the region of £1000PP by the time we factor in the holiday cost, spending money and all the added extras that come with hen parties. (The brides DM is covering the brides cost)

I just think with everything that we have all gone through over the last year, it would be far better to hire out a lodge with hot tub etc and have a great time in the UK at a 1/4 of the cost.

It might also be worth mentioning the wedding has been postponed by a year due to the pandemic and a few of the girls circumstances have changed. If the wedding itself was abroad then that would be completely different, but I think it's a bit much just for a hen weekend. AIBU?

[quote Strawbfields]@EarlGreywithLemon - that sounds like a lovely day out! Right up my street.

@PopcornAndWine - yeah and the best part about it was the MIL commented and said she can spot a snake a mile away. That one hurt as I've never met the MIL. I struggle to see a way back from this, they have all really hurt me.[/quote]
I feel bad for all the women who are put upon by 'friends' and family in this way. Thankfully OP has said no, but there are thousands of women who take this shit. Imagine being called a snake just because you don't want to spend £1,000 on a hen do.

Wow OP, well done for holding firm, fair play! It's very hurtful, I agree.

However I think that now you've pulled out, a few more may do the same closer to the time. 1k is just a rediculous amount of money for a hen!

I think she may realise the error of her ways in years to come. Just keep the head up high and focus on the friends you have that don't have their heads in the clouds.

These people sound more and more like the bullying bridesmaid clique in 'Muriel's Wedding'. Maybe their shindig will end up a duplicate of Tania and Chook's!

The bride's future MiL or her Mum made the comment about the snake? If the former then the bride has 'found her people', as Mumsnetters like to say. If the latter, I can see where she gets it from.

Thought they'd be a bit old for that kind of childishness.

I think the OP's overall contribution to the hen(s) and wedding venue and honeymoon, that now has to be dumped onto others, was probably being hotly anticipated by the bridal mafia to be potentially worth in the region of 3-4k.

The 'snake' comment reminds me of Deidre's mother Blanche in Coronation Street. Comedy gold. Just keep laughing at them, OP. And saying, Oh, mother in your head.

[quote Strawbfields]@EarlGreywithLemon - that sounds like a lovely day out! Right up my street.

@PopcornAndWine - yeah and the best part about it was the MIL commented and said she can spot a snake a mile away. That one hurt as I've never met the MIL. I struggle to see a way back from this, they have all really hurt me.[/quote]
It literally beggars believe. The only good thing is that all these vile people are gathered in one family.

Hi, I'm doing that now, not read the whole thread yet

Well if you thought the opening post was bad, you are in for a treat

Sorry OP - I don't mean to make light of what has happened, but this is bridezilla-ing of a whole new order (even for MN).

OP well done for sticking by your guns!
There's a great Facebook group called

'That's it, I'm wedding shaming' they would have a field day with this!

For my hen do, I asked my friends to do some thing worthwhile, we ran a pretty muddy for cancer research and raised £600, it was great!

it's turned into a real MeanGirls saga, thank goodness you pulled out OP ☺️

sadly the others will be fearful of doing so, because the Brides reaction will have included a 'don't any of you others dare do this' mantra 🤣

the financial burden will be thrust onto the others, of this I have no doubt, and cracks will appear soon, watch this space OP 🌺

Please tell her to poke it. Those responses are appalling.

No real friend would behave this way.

I think you should decline the demoted invite on the basis that you’ve now been made to feel uncomfortable by her, her husband and the wedding party. Clearly point out that you have given clear financial and logistical reasons why the abroad hen do isn’t possible and that her lack of understanding means you’d rather not be involved any further.

@MarieDelaere

There was a classic "you always find out someone's true colours" post on Facebook that my OH saw

I think they get those stupid messages from the same website as the begging-for-cash wedding poems.

Maybe we could combine the genres for a reply?

You saw my 'true colours', your post is so funny,
The last laugh is mine though, I'm keeping the money

👏👏👏

I can spot a snake a mile away

Well this is Mumsnet and we can spot bullying, freeloading, cunty, cheeky fuckers from 100 miles away..,.

And how predictable.....cheapest wedding package at a 5 star venue. About as classy as first date at McDonalds.

I'd have thought the pandemic might have had at least one good side in people realising it's the act of marriage, with the very closest people to them that matters and not all the "showmanship".

I spent £3k on my wedding and it was fab as have been all the more relaxed (less ostentatious and less costly) ones I've been to (best being one where the reception was in a farmers field (FOB's farm) with hay bales, music from a local folk group (lots of "barn dancing", multiple food trucks with different (free) food and a beer/wine tent (free). Best bit - we all took tents and camped in the field overnight and woke up to a breakfast food truck (again free). Lots of super posh portable toilets. It was epic.

Sadly I'd already been married by then but if I ever do it again (hope not as I'm rather fond of DH) that's exactly what I do.

[quote Strawbfields]@EarlGreywithLemon - that sounds like a lovely day out! Right up my street.

@PopcornAndWine - yeah and the best part about it was the MIL commented and said she can spot a snake a mile away. That one hurt as I've never met the MIL. I struggle to see a way back from this, they have all really hurt me.[/quote]
Wow. They sound well suited to each other.

Imagine you'd spent £1k to spend precious holiday time with that bunch of arseholes? Now you've seen what they're really like AND it didn't cost you a penny!!

They're very petty and selfish, there's nothing worse than people spending your money for you!!! Enjoy your lovely new house and wedding when it comes, karma will be round to visit them in due course!

@Thewinterofdiscontent

Please tell her to poke it. Those responses are appalling.

No real friend would behave this way.

I think you should decline the demoted invite on the basis that you’ve now been made to feel uncomfortable by her, her husband and the wedding party. Clearly point out that you have given clear financial and logistical reasons why the abroad hen do isn’t possible and that her lack of understanding means you’d rather not be involved any further.

Clear and to the point. I'm inclined to agree.

Love the reply from Ganasha!!

So sorry they have been so vile to you OP. As an aside, I am always aghast when brides basically expect others to foot the bill for their big day. Hiring such an expensive venue but only paying for the bare minimum so that everyone has to cough up a fortune for drinks etc (£9.50 for a glass of Prosecco ) is revoltingly entitled and in such poor taste.

Is it terribly wrong of me to hope that, one by one, the hens drop out due to cost

I was sad to read your last post about how much this has hurt.
You haven't done anything wrong and their behaviour has been vile.

So they've blocked on WhatsApp, and now are reduced to sending stupid messages via OH Net and randoms on FB who have never met you. That MIL of hers sounds like a right charmer - no ifs or buts.

Hopefully they've pretty much exhausted their outrage and means of conveying it now and you can relax in the knowledge that you really did dodge a giant bullet. If that is how your bride friend behaves, then it was bound to end eventually because no one could put up with that level of CFery.

You've stood up for yourself and handled this much better than the Bride and her maids, and I am sure you have nicer friends to associate with than that bunch

Hold your head up high op.

I know it hurts at the moment, but give it time and you’ll be able to see how well you’ve handled this. And your OH, he sounds like a bit of a legend too!

There was a classic "you always find out someone's true colours" post on Facebook that my OH saw but the shoe fits so she should wear it

Ooooh, you need to get someone to reply to that with something like "Yes, there's definitely nothing better for finding out your friends' true colours than demanding that they stump up over £1000 and use up their holiday entitlement for your hen do in order to share a room with three people in a destination they haven't chosen, and then throwing a hissy fit because they can't afford it."

I am sorry you are hurt by this. But you are a far superior person to be bold enough to say no and give a perfectly valid reason why.
How they can be so bitter and vitriolic about it beggars belief.
The MIL sounds like a really nasty piece of work.

Just break it down, you have said you can't afford to go but you wished them an enjoyable holiday. In response you have been called 'a snake' 'bang out of order' people are 'raging' at your behaviour, showing 'your true colours'.

Really? It is all just a crazy disproportionate response. You are well out of this odious bunch of charmers.

I hope you feel better about it all after sleeping on it. Hundreds of us are right behind you

I can spot a snake a mile away

Would be so tempted to reply to MIL-to-be comment with " we all know your son is too good for her" really set the cat among the pigeons. OP you are better off away from all of them.

@Wotsnewpussycat

YANBU- just explain to the bride that unfortunately you can't go as you can't afford it but would be happy to do something different with the bride such as lunch for you both instead. A good Friend will understand- if Bride does not understand then what have you lost?

You might want to catch up with ALL the OP's posts...

@Thewinterofdiscontent

Please tell her to poke it. Those responses are appalling.

No real friend would behave this way.

I think you should decline the demoted invite on the basis that you’ve now been made to feel uncomfortable by her, her husband and the wedding party. Clearly point out that you have given clear financial and logistical reasons why the abroad hen do isn’t possible and that her lack of understanding means you’d rather not be involved any further.

Um...

Strawbfields
I am DEAD proud of you.
You have behaved with conviction, civility and above all great dignity.
I hope you are as proud of yourself as all your supporters on here must be.
You can be my DIL any day.
I think you are fabulous!

The MOB sounds dreadful and is clearly the reason why her precious lambkin has turned out to be such a flaming bitch on wheels.

Oh sorry - she's the MIL? I misread. OK I retract my last comment. But clearly the bride to be can only operate in an echo chamber of gaining admirers, and the MIL is playing up to that role.

I wonder if it will all come crashing down once precious first baby is on the scene 🤔

Fawning not gaining