Hen Party Abroad

[Strawbfields]

Hey,

I am a bridesmaid for a good friend who is absolutely insisting on having a 4/5 night hen party abroad in the summer holidays next year. Like the majority of us, I have been unable to get away with my OH or family due to the pandemic and I'd rather prioritise my family. The cost is looking to be in the region of £1000PP by the time we factor in the holiday cost, spending money and all the added extras that come with hen parties. (The brides DM is covering the brides cost)

I just think with everything that we have all gone through over the last year, it would be far better to hire out a lodge with hot tub etc and have a great time in the UK at a 1/4 of the cost.

It might also be worth mentioning the wedding has been postponed by a year due to the pandemic and a few of the girls circumstances have changed. If the wedding itself was abroad then that would be completely different, but I think it's a bit much just for a hen weekend. AIBU?

It sounds like you have both been bullet dodging.

You both have the full support of mumsnet on this thread. Wrll done for standing up to these spiteful and narcissistic bullies. I hope karma bites them hard. It would be such a shame if something happened to make them cancel the hen do and/or wedding

@Strawbfields

I have no regrets in posting on MN for advice. I only told the complete truth and if that makes me a snake then make it a king cobra

My OH has had his invite to the stag do revoked also. Grooms brother messaged him to let him know, poor guy seemed mortified in his messages!

I love how they revoke your invites as if it's a punishment!!

As if!!

@Strawbfields

I have no regrets in posting on MN for advice. I only told the complete truth and if that makes me a snake then make it a king cobra

My OH has had his invite to the stag do revoked also. Grooms brother messaged him to let him know, poor guy seemed mortified in his messages!

Why is your other half being punished for your decision?!

Was the groom expecting your OH to say I'll kick her into touch at the point he was contacted by the groom? The part where the groom bitched about you saying you were bang out of order. Was he supposed to say, yes i agree shes an awful selfish woman, i'll slap her about a bit.

Really don't get it.

Or did they realise that if you weren't good for a grand for the hen, he's not going to be stumping up another grand for the stag too.

Do you think they are all having a desperate brain storming to see if they can think of some mug to invite for their wallet?

This is clearly about money if he's also been dropped like that. You aren't rich enough / mug enough to tolerate the whole grabby drama.

I'd love to know how well the whole wedding and hen pyscho drama goes.

Love how the groom is too cowardly to tell your OH himself and got a poor lacky to do it instead.

They do seem to be sending in the flying monkeys to pass on bat shit information.

How did your DH take the news? Was he also expected to fork out a small fortune?

I have only read parts of your thread but I think you and your partner have dodged a bullet...if the bride and groom have taken offence then it shows how shallow they are ! I would never measure my friendships on how much people can afford!! I have friends who are stupidly rich ie big birthday on The royal yacht Britannia berthed in Edinburgh and other friends who literally work one week to pay for next weeks bills !!

@Strawbfields

I have no regrets in posting on MN for advice. I only told the complete truth and if that makes me a snake then make it a king cobra

My OH has had his invite to the stag do revoked also. Grooms brother messaged him to let him know, poor guy seemed mortified in his messages!

That apple fell further from the tree than the groom did then. At least there's one person with a sense of decency.

How much would the stag do have cost, I wonder...

@Strawbfields

I have no regrets in posting on MN for advice. I only told the complete truth and if that makes me a snake then make it a king cobra

My OH has had his invite to the stag do revoked also. Grooms brother messaged him to let him know, poor guy seemed mortified in his messages!

You are so well out of this.

There will be other drop outs.

In awe anybody could be this pathetic. The mass hysteria too with the bridemaids/groom.

You don't deserve this OP. But look on the bright side- you now are several thousand pounds better off, with a free 8 days of annual leave, and you don't have to worry anout 'walking on eggshells'.

You'll hopefully meet some nice new friends who aren't thoroughly batshit

@MaraScottie

Wow OP, well done for holding firm, fair play! It's very hurtful, I agree.

However I think that now you've pulled out, a few more may do the same closer to the time. 1k is just a rediculous amount of money for a hen!

I think she may realise the error of her ways in years to come. Just keep the head up high and focus on the friends you have that don't have their heads in the clouds.

I think the remaining bridesmaids may find it harder to pull out as they've seen the poor response this causes. I also suspect that with each person who declines the costs go up per person as the people remaining may end up paying more to cover the costs. It's always best, I've found in the past, to be as honest as the OP has been, and politely withdraw as early as possible.

Well done to you and your supportive OH, OP. If you haven't already done so, do consider pulling out of the wedding too - doesn't sound like that will be fun for you...🌹

I guess this also means you are off the invitation list for the baby shower(s)! 🌹

So your DP was going to the stag? That's way more than £1000 to "save for" out of your joint finances, isn't it?! Twats.

I wouldn't want to go even if it were free. She sounds as awful, her mother sounds awful and I can think of numerous better ways to use my annual leave. But I'm definitely not "bridesmaid material" because I can never bring myself to get involved in these hideous arrangements anyway.

I'm sorry, I haven't read the full thread, so I'm sorry if I'm repeating someone else's post.

To be quite honest, I would pay £1000 not to go. 4/5 nights, stuck four in a room, doing "fun activities" with people you're probably sick of the sight of after the first day – what fresh hell is this?

However, I have now embraced the fact that I am antisocial.

@SteppinOutwithMyBaby

I'm sorry, I haven't read the full thread, so I'm sorry if I'm repeating someone else's post.

To be quite honest, I would pay £1000 not to go. 4/5 nights, stuck four in a room, doing "fun activities" with people you're probably sick of the sight of after the first day – what fresh hell is this?

However, I have now embraced the fact that I am antisocial.

I’m with you. Four in a room for that amount? No thank you!

Wedding invites revoked - result!!

More money saved :)

Seriously though it’s beyond school yard behaviour and glad you did what was right for you. I was going to say sorry if you lost friends but these people were never friends.

Honestly,nim so shocked at how you've been treated. I feel so sorry for you. I wonder how many other bridesmaids, she will fall out with. Putting cryptic messages like that on her f b is horrible, especially when you thought you were close friends. You've dodged a bullet there.

@Strawbfields

I have no regrets in posting on MN for advice. I only told the complete truth and if that makes me a snake then make it a king cobra

My OH has had his invite to the stag do revoked also. Grooms brother messaged him to let him know, poor guy seemed mortified in his messages!

Tbh it is better to know what people are really like and where you stand. Life gets hard at times and real friends make a difference. Now you and your oh know not to waste energy on this pair.

How long had you known this woman? Are we talking childhood friend or more recent?

@LibbyKate, as someone old enough to have a daughter who was married several years ago, I can only say I’d have been utterly mortified if she’d ever behaved anything like OP’s spoilt princess.

And I don’t see what is ‘tasteless’ in the OP offloading and seeking reassurance here, when she’s evidently been so hurt and upset by the whole sorry business.

The bride-to-be may be fun to be around and you may have shared some memorable times, but I'm not sure what you have is friendship? You describe your friend as 'self-absorbed' 'spoilt' and needing to 'walk on eggshells' around her. What are you getting out of this relationship? She may be but good for a laugh or a glimpse of glamour - that is not friendship. Equally if she's emotionally damaged and desperate for understanding and compassion, you are not providing that with your view of her. Only you know what's really going on here.
Also, tell the future MIL to look up the definition of extortion. It's not far off.

I think it's just as well that your OH's invitation to the stag do has been revoked - wouldn't have been much fun if the stag spent half his time telling your OH to "sort your woman out", as per the previous text message.

I'm going to bet that you don't get wedding invitations either - or if you do, they'll be evening only.

This is absolutely awful! I honestly can't believe how people expect a couple to fork out £2000/£2500 for hen and stags (as presumably the stag would have been a big one too) before even getting to the wedding and the cost a whole day wedding costs!!

I went on an abroad hen, the flights/accommodation/themed night and spending money cost around £600/£700 (and I lived alone and had a mortgage/bills/ a car to pay for!) and the bride seemed completely underwhelmed by the efforts everyone went to.

When it was my turn to get married, hen was a meal in a nice restaurant then onto a bar for drinks and hen type games and to a club as I never wanted anyone feeling like the had a great expense to fork out.

Shame your friends couldn't have been more understand but good riddance to bad rubbish I say

@Strawbfields

I have no regrets in posting on MN for advice. I only told the complete truth and if that makes me a snake then make it a king cobra

My OH has had his invite to the stag do revoked also. Grooms brother messaged him to let him know, poor guy seemed mortified in his messages!

Another £1k saved!

Win win 😃