Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hen Party Abroad

999 replies

Strawbfields · 22/03/2021 21:15

Hey,

I am a bridesmaid for a good friend who is absolutely insisting on having a 4/5 night hen party abroad in the summer holidays next year. Like the majority of us, I have been unable to get away with my OH or family due to the pandemic and I'd rather prioritise my family. The cost is looking to be in the region of £1000PP by the time we factor in the holiday cost, spending money and all the added extras that come with hen parties. (The brides DM is covering the brides cost)

I just think with everything that we have all gone through over the last year, it would be far better to hire out a lodge with hot tub etc and have a great time in the UK at a 1/4 of the cost.

It might also be worth mentioning the wedding has been postponed by a year due to the pandemic and a few of the girls circumstances have changed. If the wedding itself was abroad then that would be completely different, but I think it's a bit much just for a hen weekend. AIBU?

OP posts:
Ivebeeninlockdowntoolong · 25/03/2021 07:46

I suggested in an earlier post that I thought you wouldn't go through with it, and I'm delighted, OP, that you proved me wrong. All credit to you for standing up for yourself even though it has been really uncomfortable.

AllDoneIn · 25/03/2021 07:48

The groom will one day come crawling back to your DP when his beautiful wife turns out to be such hard work that even the groom can no longer pretend she's always in the right. There's nothing like weddings to bring out the weird in people.

Indoctro · 25/03/2021 07:49

Unless your like 20 something these hen parties abroad are a joke.

Half the time no one but the bride actually wants to go and but just have to suck it up

I think it's quite selfish to arrange them unless of course your friends are all super rich with no families

A hen party should be a few drinks at a pub and a nice night out which doesn't cost the earth

Lovedove · 25/03/2021 07:51

This friend is just awful. She’s obviously hugely entitled and expects the world to revolve around her. This is highlighted by the behaviour of her mil, fiancé etc. You’re probably the only person to stand up to her and say no to something unreasonable.
All my friends have had hens with a U.K. one for those that can’t make abroad. I told a hen ( I was a bridesmaid) I couldn’t afford Vegas, which was her dream location and she changed the location to ensure I could afford. I didn’t want her to but our friendship & celebrating together meant more than having an expensive party. That’s real friendship. Not having zero empathy for someone who can’t spend 1k and take 6 days off.
They sound like nasty bullies and I would be cutting such people out of my life without a second thought. She wants to be the centre of the universe as the bride and it’s likely all for insta and fbk pics. I’m sure the others feel the same as you but are too scared to say anything and the behaviour on Facebook about you is probably also to deter anyone else from doing the same.
Life is too precious to surround yourself with these people. They are the snakes not you.

Breastfeedingworries · 25/03/2021 07:55

This is happened to me! Well on a larger scale.

A close friend of the bride who I hadn’t met created the group. She was so incredibly pushy, and it was a weekend in Vegas, everyone attending had to chip in and pay for the bride. She made everyone promise, also pay deposits for items, even a themed bus night out. It got closer to the day and people were trying to back on, she was like Godzilla. I couldn’t deal with her so messaged the bride herself.....then this vicious friend posted in the group chat explaining that someone had completely ruined the suprise, and the holiday had to be completly re booked ect, they choose a cheaper holiday and I think everyone was so relived they all teamed up asking who the disgusting happy ruiner had been. I held my hands up, Sad then was booted from the chat. I was uninvited from the wedding and I never see that old close work friend now.

SadSad

Breastfeedingworries · 25/03/2021 07:57

Btw I’d never told the bride what it was, only that I couldn’t afford it and was sorry I couldn’t attend, I’d ruined the suprise but she hadn’t known anything was planned ect. Sadsure she knew!

NinaMimi · 25/03/2021 07:57

@Strawbfields

I have no regrets in posting on MN for advice. I only told the complete truth and if that makes me a snake then make it a king cobra GrinGrin

My OH has had his invite to the stag do revoked also. Grooms brother messaged him to let him know, poor guy seemed mortified in his messages!

Do you know for sure if they’ve seen this thread OP? Is that why they called you a snake?

Given how they’ve acted I would have thought they would have said.

mateysmum · 25/03/2021 07:59

So your OH was going to spend another £1k on the stag. Between you you could have spent towards 3k. That could buy you a boiler or pays several months of mortgage. And win win you've learnt who is really not your friend.

RampantIvy · 25/03/2021 08:06

These are the type of people who put place and venue above their guests.

People are far, far more important to me than places. As a bride you are hosting a party. As a host you have to be considerate towards your guests, and not expect them to bankroll you so you can have some pretty Instagram photos.

rjacksmiss · 25/03/2021 08:11

What a bunch of fucking dementors. Can you imagine every other significant life event with this bunch of lunatics. Bet you feel great now to be out of all that.. x

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/03/2021 08:16

How did your DH take the news?

OP hasn't been able to ask him, as he is curled up in a ball, weeping with disappointment and not punching the air delightedly at the prospect of saving another grand and not having to pretend to enjoy himself.

MzHz · 25/03/2021 08:21

@SchadenfreudePersonified

How did your DH take the news?

OP hasn't been able to ask him, as he is curled up in a ball, weeping with disappointment and not punching the air delightedly at the prospect of saving another grand and not having to pretend to enjoy himself.

I hope to god he sent the MN approved response :

👍🏻

MzHz · 25/03/2021 08:22

Out of interest, what extraordinary extravaganza was in store for your dh @Strawbfields

Bumblefeet · 25/03/2021 08:27

I'm astounded that you've been treated this way OP, but the hen do sounds like my idea of hell. I'm so proud that you stood up for your beliefs. You may think that you've lost a friend, but you haven't. She was never your friend if she treated you like that.

Stand strong, you're epic.
x

Sexnotgender · 25/03/2021 08:27

@Strawbfields

I have no regrets in posting on MN for advice. I only told the complete truth and if that makes me a snake then make it a king cobra GrinGrin

My OH has had his invite to the stag do revoked also. Grooms brother messaged him to let him know, poor guy seemed mortified in his messages!

Gosh this lot get classier by the second 😂

You’ve dodged a massive bullet.

Rachie1973 · 25/03/2021 08:45

Just think of the break you could have with your DH doing what you want to do at a fraction of the cost and still be saving for your house.

Lucky escape and well done for standing up for yourself x

Ilovecharliecat · 25/03/2021 09:02

@Strawbfields

I have no regrets in posting on MN for advice. I only told the complete truth and if that makes me a snake then make it a king cobra GrinGrin

My OH has had his invite to the stag do revoked also. Grooms brother messaged him to let him know, poor guy seemed mortified in his messages!

Ha well, more money saved for your new house, what a bunch of childish brats
Original poster
Strawbfields · 25/03/2021 09:21

Hey everyone,

The stag do was £600 for 4 nights in Berlin. My OH is delighted 😁 the bride is 28 and groom 29. I'm 26 and my OH is 32 for anyone who asked.

OP posts:
DisappearingGirl · 25/03/2021 09:36

OP you sound lovely.

I'm thinking of WhatsApping my friends later and telling them they're all coming on holiday with me next summer, to a place and dates of my choosing, and it will cost £1000 each. No ifs or buts. Also they have to chip in for my share. Oh and one of them will be sharing a bed with my MIL. That's reasonable right?

Brawsome · 25/03/2021 09:37

Being mid 20s-30s it is likely that more weddings will be coming up. Imagine being hit by two of these “special” weddings at once. All those savings going towards other people’s fantasies. Wise decision, put your own futures first.

HeronLanyon · 25/03/2021 09:37

I offer the title of ‘boiler bunny’ to op.
Limited time and limited funds - like every single one of us one or both - time with family and a boiler have to win out over sharing a grotty sofa bed in a room for four - all the while missing family using limited annual leave and unable to afford a boiler ffs.
Bewildering that anyone, let alone a friend, would even question this.
Some people really are astonishingly awful. Here’s to us all avoiding such as best we can. Life is too short and too precious.

lola006 · 25/03/2021 09:55

I’ve liked following this thread, OP, you did an amazing job!

I always wonder what these people think with regards to their friends future weddings and events - like if you demand your friends pay £1000 for your hen, are you prepared to spend that another three, four, five etc times? (Universal “you”, of course!)

Not quite the same but I have a family member who demanded that their entire family travel for a milestone birthday. People did, very grudgingly. Said person was one of the first to hit that milestone with lots of family coming after within a 5-8 year span. Just guess who complains now about having to travel for everyone else’s same milestone birthday?!

ClarkeGriffin · 25/03/2021 09:59

I give their marriage a year tops. Hope by that point that the expensive honeymoon and no doubt wedding was worth it. Marriages based upon expense from the start rarely last, especially with someone as catty as the bride.

Oh well her loss overall op. She shouldn't have been such a princess.

Unicorn34 · 25/03/2021 10:00

Although I totally agree 100% that you shouldn't go and that its probably a blessing in disguise, I feel that a telephone call to Zilla first to explain that you could not afford the cost of the hen and were sorry but had to drop out, rather than putting out a group message, maybe would've changed the ending to this situation? Maybe not, but a phone call rather than message is a much better way to communicate on things that matter.

nettie434 · 25/03/2021 10:03

It's becoming more and more obvious that you made the right decision. You're well on the way to the price of a new boiler. Plus when you have your own hen do, Strawbfield, I am sure you will devise something that everyone will really enjoy.

It's not really fair to exclude your OH from the stag do when he had not said it was too expensive but this way, neither of you has to use up annual leave or spend a huge amount on a hen/stag do.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.