to think my DD is confused about being bisexual?

[OscarWildesCat]

We were all sat having dinner last night and my DS (14) was talking about something to do with LGBTQ, my DD said she thought she might be bisexual. DD is just turned 11 and young for her age, no signs of puberty or anything yet. I feel like she’s a bit young to know this yet?. They’ve been learning about different LGBTQ groups at school and she does have a couple of very close girlfriends so I’m wondering if she’s just a bit mixed up with her feeling for her friends.
I sort of shrugged it off at dinner but went to speak to her later, obviously told her we don’t care who she wants to be with, we love her and reassured her she can talk to me or my DH any time. I couldn’t care less if either of my DC are gay, straight or whatever as long as they’re happy. Any advice on how I can support her?

@Mhairiblack It's a new concept and label to the child coming from the child! Which is what prompted the OP to post.

I have no misconceptions regarding feelings pertaining to any orientation - they are essentially the same and there are many levels and many nuances.

@Mhairiblack

The disconcerting bit is regarding an 11 year old starting a dialogue around the subject in its particular context when the OP wasn't aware it was something they were thinking on is all. It's about the adjustment a parent has to make when their child starts thinking about any form of crush or relationship or is working out their feelings.

[quote MistressoftheDarkSide]@Mhairiblack It's a new concept and label to the child coming from the child! Which is what prompted the OP to post.

I have no misconceptions regarding feelings pertaining to any orientation - they are essentially the same and there are many levels and many nuances.[/quote]
I can understand your view that it's an adjustment for the parent, but only because we live in a world that accepts heterosexuality. The OP never expected her child to say they had a crush on the same sex, and if it was a boy that her child had a crush on she would never have posted it. So yes I do understand why you said that however I think that we should work past seeing it as something that needs adjusting to, since the OP would never have to adjust if it was a boy that her child had a crush on. I think the issue here is that to adults it's a big deal, it's a label, it's something they're not ready for, however to the child it's just as simple as any other crush. However I do believe that you agree with me on that.

@Mhairiblack

Yes, I do agree with you, and actually also on the point that in today's complex climate it may feel like a bigger deal to adults than it is to a child having a crush on any other child. It shouldn't be that way, but at the very least the OP is showing willing in order to support her daughter if necessary and keep a dialogue open.

And I apologise for losing my cool.

[quote MistressoftheDarkSide]@Mhairiblack

Yes, I do agree with you, and actually also on the point that in today's complex climate it may feel like a bigger deal to adults than it is to a child having a crush on any other child. It shouldn't be that way, but at the very least the OP is showing willing in order to support her daughter if necessary and keep a dialogue open.

And I apologise for losing my cool.[/quote]
It's definitely a bigger deal to adults than children! Children show us time and time again that they don't possess the same stigmas and preconceptions that adults have about things, they just see things in their own innocent way. I think it's positive that her child has felt able to come to her about her feelings and hopefully the OP has learned something from some of the replies to this thread. No need to apologise I think we misunderstood each other

@Mhairiblack

Aww thanks - yes I think we were at cross purposes but on the same basic page.

And I think everything you just said is pretty spot on.

Have a good evening

My nearly 13 year old came out to us as bisexual last night. By text. We had a chat, kept it casual. She knows we will support her and love her whatever. She’s currently seeing a boy for walks and coffees etc. They hold hands sometimes, hug, he says he plays with her hair etc. She likes him but says she finds some girls attractive in a way which is more than a girl crush (I told her I’ve had girl crushes) but she says it’s not just thinking someone is beautiful or admiring their figure. Anyway my main concern is this need to put herself into a box so young. She’s a stubborn one so if her feelings were to change, she would struggle to say actually I’m not bi, I’m actually lesbian or straight. She follows a lot of lgbtq+ stuff on Instagram which bothers me only from the point of view that some of the accounts she follows are almost like a cult and anyone who isn’t part of the community is homophobic
Or anti trans or whatever. So I’ve often felt concern that she is being influenced by social media. I couldn’t give a hoot who she ends up with as long as she is happy and loved but I don’t want her to feel pigeonholed so young. Perhaps being bi is a way to explore her options. She said she’s been thinking about if for a couple of years and thinks she feels happiest thinking she’s bi. Don’t really know what my post is about other than to say my feelings are all over the place, even though I love the very bones of her and will absolutely welcome any of her future partners with open arms.

Bless her. I don't see why she wouldn't know if she liked girls. I knew I liked boys at 11. I've always told my teen boys they can love whoever they like whether that be boys or girls. They look at me like I'm mad and say 'yes mum but we like girls' 😆