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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who was in the wrong? Care assistant or relative?

218 replies

GingerNinjer · 21/03/2021 08:33

Relative visiting a patient in hospital (before Covid obviously). Care assistant asks patient if they want a cup of tea. Patient asks if relative can have one too. Care assistant knows she’s not meant to offer refreshments to relatives but thinks “what’s the harm it could do?” And agrees.
Care assistant takes two mugs of tea into patient and relative. Relative says the mug is a little too full. Care assistant says “you don’t have to drink it all”. Relative says “but I might spill it”. Care assistant gets narky, takes the mug to the sink and pours some tea out of the mug. Relative says there is tea dripping off the mug and it might stain her clothes. Care assistant rolls her eyes and cleans mug with a paper towel. Patient asks if they can have some biscuits. Care assistant goes off and returns with 2 packets of biscuits (each containing 3 biscuits). Relative says “there’s too many biscuits”. Care assistant says “leave what you don’t want”. Relative says “but it’s wasteful”. Care assistant says “then share one packet”. Patient says “there isn’t enough in one packet to share”. Care assistant says “the biscuits come in packs of 3, do you want them or not?” Relative says “can you take one biscuit away?” Care assistant says “no I’m busy now, just leave what you don’t want on the table”. Relative says “but it’s messy, crumbs will get everywhere”. Care assistant snaps and says “oh well!” And walks out.

Patient and relative complain about care assistant. Care assistant gets a talking to for a) giving refreshments to relatives and b) being rude to patient and relatives

YABU - care assistant was in the wrong
YANBU - care assistant did nothing wrong

OP posts:
Strangekindofwoman · 21/03/2021 08:35

The relative sounds like a pita.

Rollmopsrule · 21/03/2021 08:36

Honestly is this for real?? Relative sounds like a pita. Totally on the side of the care assistant.

GingerNinjer · 21/03/2021 08:36

Yes this happened

OP posts:
Racoonworld · 21/03/2021 08:37

Care assistant was wrong purely for the last ‘Oh well’ comment, which wasn’t professional. The patient was unreasonable before that with the demands, but surely dealing with difficult patients is part of the job?

toomuchfaster · 21/03/2021 08:37

@Rollmopsrule

Honestly is this for real?? Relative sounds like a pita. Totally on the side of the care assistant.
This!
ShesMadeATwatOfMePam · 21/03/2021 08:37

If the care assistant hadn't been giving refreshments when they're not supposed to, nothing would have happened. Relative is an arse.

Mrbob · 21/03/2021 08:37

Relative sounds a night mare. Do you want the fucking tea or not? It’s not a cafe. She is not a waitress

ChonkyChook · 21/03/2021 08:38

Care assistant won't bother her arse in the future and who'd blame her.

Rollmopsrule · 21/03/2021 08:38

Does the relative have form for behaving like this? I think they were awful and deliberately being awkward.

Chocolateoatmilk · 21/03/2021 08:38

To be honest I think both were a bit ridiculous. Care assistant should have simply said sorry, I made you tea on the request of X but I’m afraid this is why we don’t normally make refreshments for relatives, I am sorry but I don’t have the time for this.

luxxlisbon · 21/03/2021 08:38

Who the F tells someone to open a packet of biscuits and take some away because there are “too many?” This whole story is insane.

Mosaic123 · 21/03/2021 08:38

Care assistant was much too kind in the first place.

Acovic · 21/03/2021 08:39

Relative sounds a nightmare.

And a good example of why in the NHS you should never circumvent the rules because it comes back to bite you on the ass.

If care assistant had just said “no refreshments for relatives” the complaints team couldn’t have argued with that.

Strangekindofwoman · 21/03/2021 08:39

I think might have said more than 'oh well' if I was the care assistant. CA was there to look after the patient, not pander to a demanding relative.

bruffin · 21/03/2021 08:40

Why posting this a year later

AnnaMagnani · 21/03/2021 08:40

Care assistant has learnt a lesson that the policy of 'No snacks/drinks for relatives' is there for her own protection to stop this kind of nonsense happening.

She did a kind thing in breaking the policy, and instead both the patient and the relative took the piss.

She won't do it again.

Lotsachocolateplease · 21/03/2021 08:40

Care assistants are hero’s in disguise. This care assistant went above and beyond and it’s shocking she/he were complained about. This is why they’re all loving the ‘no visitor’ rule at the moment, means they can concentrate on their patient without the distraction.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 21/03/2021 08:41

I assume you are the care assistant?

It must have happened a long time time ago.

The relative (and the patient) is exactly the reason why people ge accused of being ‘jobsworths’, because they do cause people to stick rigidly to the rules for fear of this sort of nastiness.

NailsNeedDoing · 21/03/2021 08:41

Both patient and relative sound too demanding.

Why is it an issue now though after more than a year?.

Satwatchinganotherswimlesson · 21/03/2021 08:42

The relative!!!! The relative was rude, picky and demanding. The care assistant shouldn’t have got the relative a drink or biscuits. To be honest it sounds like the relative would have moaned no matter what the care assistant did. The relative could have helped put the spare biscuit in the bin / wiped the cup. I used to work in hospitals and it’s awful people like this that made me re think my career. I don’t normally comment on posts like this but come on! I really hope you are the carer in this situation (and I feel very sad for you) and not the relative. If you are the relative then I think you need to put an apology in writing to that poor person, who gets paid dreadfully but does an amazing job. Just shameful behaviour!

TeenMinusTests · 21/03/2021 08:42

Relative was inconsiderate and demanding and rude.

I bet care assistant isn't paid enough to put up with that rubbish 'professionally'.

Strangekindofwoman · 21/03/2021 08:42

I've had plenty of cups of tea made for me when visiting a relative in hospital. I've always been grateful.

HotPenguin · 21/03/2021 08:43

I take it you are the care assistant in this scenario? The relative was clearly ridiculous and out of order but you ought to consider that she perhaps had some issues, a calm response of "I'm afraid I can't do any more" or similar would have been better.

fallfallfall · 21/03/2021 08:43

How very sad, the care assistant, tone and body language was probably off BUT the demands were insane.

DisgruntledPelican · 21/03/2021 08:44

Care assistant could technically have been less narky, but sounds like they were at the end of their tether and the relative is rude, entitled and a bit of a dick.

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