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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to question the cleanliness of my nurse friends houses?!

197 replies

Iseewhatshappeninghere · 20/03/2021 12:33

I have 2 nurse friends, both separate families.
Both don't seem to clean their houses.
I'm not talking about a bit of muck in the corner or dirty skirting boards, you know "forgotten or out of sight areas" , I'm taking about thick thick thick dust on TV stands, windowsills, side tables anywhere really, mouldy windowsils/windows, bathroom sinks caked in makeup, baths with multiple black rings, you get the idea.
Its never really bothered me much before but with this pandemic I guess I've just noticed it more and my partner is quite concerned about it.
Am I being unreasonable to be a bit concerned?
I'm not a nurse, the closest I've been is a care worker but I would have thought cleaning would be quite a big thing considering how much I've been told over the years about dirt and dust harbouring germs and all sorts.
One of the nurses I've know for 10+ years and she's always lived like it so I've never really questioned it before. The other one has just moved house and we just assumed they were just concentrating on moving but they have now moved and moved all the dusty dirty items to the new house.
My partner says its not normal to live in such dirty houses, I've told him he needs to relax a bit about it as it's not like we live there.

OP posts:
Becstar90 · 20/03/2021 13:15

Yeah I can't understand filthy houses in any profession. Even if they don't have time to clean the whole in one go, do it bit by bit over a few days. People make out cleaning is sooo hard. Truth is they're lazy.

Original poster
Iseewhatshappeninghere · 20/03/2021 13:15

Wow OK I've clearly hit a nerve here.
So because I'm a friend I have no right to notice their houses?
Your making out like I'm stomping round there and shouting about how discusting their houses are to them.
All I asked was is it unreasonable to be concerned.
My partner thinks it's a concern, he's also concerned about his friend (the husband) and how he's coping with the lack of help from his wife.
I'm aware they have stressful jobs but I have other nurse friends who don't live in dirty houses
I think this comical right now.
I guess I just have higher standards of cleanliness than alot of other people.
I wouldn't expect my fiends to come over and eat sourounded by filth but apparently I'm in the minority here.

OP posts:
RockingMyFiftiesNot · 20/03/2021 13:15

You mentioned yourself about the state of their houses during a pandemic. So why are you in 2 different houses often enough to see that this is more than a one off situation?

If they have toddlers crawling around in squalor then you are right to be concerned. Also If you think that they are struggling with work / their mental health etc then you should be enquiring about their well-being.

Otherwise it isn't really your business.

Phoebesgift · 20/03/2021 13:15

It makes me depressed that women are still judged and blamed for the cleanliness of their homes. Everyone's standards and priorities are different. Why are other people so bloody nasty?

BRB2021 · 20/03/2021 13:16

@Iseewhatshappeninghere

Technically a single mum because her partner is in prison. Before lockdown we would alternate dinners weekly round theirs and ours. But he's started feeling uncomfortable after the last time. I don't think his nurse is helping with the constant lectures on corona, cleanliness and that he's classed as vulnerable.
I would feel as your DH does. I couldn't eat in a filthy house. So what if they work 12 hour shifts as some have asked (I know you said they dont) you still can have a clean house. Ive been a single mum with 5 kids, working nights - my house was still clean. No excuse, just laziness.
Templetree · 20/03/2021 13:16

Sorry but what has this got to do with you?

LagunaBubbles · 20/03/2021 13:17

But he's started feeling uncomfortable after the last time
I don't think his nurse is helping with the constant lectures on corona, cleanliness and that he's classed as vulnerable

If he's that vulnerable he shouldn't be going in other people's houses clean or dusty! Is it allowed where you are, its not here.

Serin · 20/03/2021 13:17

I know lots of nurses, they all have clean houses and furthermore are lovely, kind, clever, organised, caring people. They also seem to be a hell of a lot less judgemental than you.

BRB2021 · 20/03/2021 13:17

And no, I dont want a medal - just saying it is doable if you want to

m0therofdragons · 20/03/2021 13:17

I’m not a nurse but work in the nhs and I’m truly exhausted from a year of moving goal posts. That’s not a complaint, it is what it is but cleaning is so far down my list. Today I’m off and doing nothing! I have arranged for a weekly cleaner though because as much as I can’t find the energy to clean I do want a clean house!

AnnieAreYouOkHun · 20/03/2021 13:18

I don't see what being nurses has anything to do with it?

Northernsoullover · 20/03/2021 13:18

@audweb

I was a cleaner once. A really good one. I also worked in care supporting people to look after their houses. My house has never looked like a show home but I’ve always been professional in my work. Also technically a single mum? I am one, cleaning dust is never the top of my priorities between juggling work and my child.
I was just about to say the same. My clients used to apologise for their minimal dirt and clutter and say that mine must be spotless. Erm no, I hate cleaning. I was actually a very good cleaning. I'll do any job well when I'm paid for it. At home I clean as I go on the surface but skirting boards you could probably knit a jumper with the dust balls I have on them!
Gurufloof · 20/03/2021 13:18

@maddiemookins16mum

There’s no excuse for filthy houses, 12 hr shift or not. There’s time when they’re not on shift to clean. Pretty sure there’s also plenty of others working long hours who are not nurses who manage to keep a clean house.
Yeah and?
Acovic · 20/03/2021 13:19

What a bizarre thread.

I'm a doctor. My house isn't that clean.

If people don't like it they don't have to visit.

I've also been unbelievably busy at work for the past year and believe me the last thing I've wanted to do on my precious days off is housework. I'd much rather do some knitting.

Obviously my cleaner hasn't been able to come for much of the time. I'm resorting to a robot vacuum cleaner.

Phoebesgift · 20/03/2021 13:21

Ive been a single mum with 5 kids, working nights - my house was still clean. No excuse, just laziness.

Well bully for you. Some of us prefer to do other things. It isn't laziness it's having different priorities.

grapewine · 20/03/2021 13:21

Your making out like I'm stomping round there and shouting about how discusting their houses are to them.

No, instead you're doing it on a public forum on the Internet...

user1471560845 · 20/03/2021 13:21

What a strange post

VerityWibbleWobble · 20/03/2021 13:21

So what if they work 12 hour shifts as some have asked (I know you said they dont) you still can have a clean house. Ive been a single mum with 5 kids, working nights - my house was still clean. No excuse, just laziness.

Or in normal times we prioritise other things as more important. I'd rather go to the theatre, the library, anywhere than do housework.

WorraLiberty · 20/03/2021 13:23

I guess I just have higher standards of cleanliness than alot of other people.

You'll get your reward in Heaven I'm sure...

On the other hand this is the internet so for all anybody knows, you could be posting this from under a pile of rotting food and old newspapers in your living room...

StepOutOfLine · 20/03/2021 13:23

@VerityWibbleWobble

So what if they work 12 hour shifts as some have asked (I know you said they dont) you still can have a clean house. Ive been a single mum with 5 kids, working nights - my house was still clean. No excuse, just laziness.

Or in normal times we prioritise other things as more important. I'd rather go to the theatre, the library, anywhere than do housework.

Quite. I've looked up my "famous last words" quotes, and can't find the one saying "by heck that floor needs mopping".
UnsolicitedDickPic · 20/03/2021 13:24

Goodness, high standards indeed! Wind your neck in, Hyacinth, you sound like a bore.

Meezer2 · 20/03/2021 13:25

When I did my training, one of the criteria was certainly not..'

as part of your training you must always keep a clean house'

What a horrible OP, Your nurse friends should benefit from not having you as a 'friend'.

Absolutely unbelievable. 😡

Rollmopsrule · 20/03/2021 13:25

Can't see that it's any of you or your Dh's business

dappledsunshine · 20/03/2021 13:26

@Iseewhatshappeninghere

Wow OK I've clearly hit a nerve here. So because I'm a friend I have no right to notice their houses? Your making out like I'm stomping round there and shouting about how discusting their houses are to them. All I asked was is it unreasonable to be concerned. My partner thinks it's a concern, he's also concerned about his friend (the husband) and how he's coping with the lack of help from his wife. I'm aware they have stressful jobs but I have other nurse friends who don't live in dirty houses I think this comical right now. I guess I just have higher standards of cleanliness than alot of other people. I wouldn't expect my fiends to come over and eat sourounded by filth but apparently I'm in the minority here.
You have a lot of nurse friends op Hmm
VerityWibbleWobble · 20/03/2021 13:28

discusting

I'm going to be that dick, it's disgusting.

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