To ask how many men you have loved?

[Laughingstock91]

I realised fairly recently that I have only really ever really loved one man in a gave me heart away sense (and unfortunately that’s not the man that I am currently with and had kids with- long story 😢)

But it’s made me really think about the relationships I have had & the boys I have kissed and which ones I really had feelings for! I do seem to have history with inappropriate men too!!

Aibu to ask how many men you have loved?

1. Two strikes then hit the jackpot. I had other crushes and boyfriends but the two in question really left a hole when it was over.

DH is no.3 and it's totally different. Less passion (but we are older). I sometimes fantasise about if we had met when we were in our twenties. Would we have survived?!!

1. My first love and my now DH.

I loved the first so intensely and was heartbroken when it ended. This was around 15 years ago and I didn't ever get closure really and he died a few years ago and was really quite troubled, I would've ended up troubled top had we stayed together.

My last love, my lovely DH. He is my perfect match.

There have been 4 people I've felt that connection with.

The first was when I was 12 (!) Not a relationship obv but I'll never forget how it felt.

Second was when I was 18, third when I was 19-21 - and that was my first major heartbreak.

Last was when I was 24 - DS' dad.

Two. My husband and the man I was with in a LTR before. I thought I lived a couple of previous boyfriends in my youth, but it really wasn’t love when I look back.

Too many who turned out to be utter bastards; too few who were decent men.

Not sure anyone has really been in love with me, although some claim to have been.

I think I fall in lust with them rather than love. Was married for 15 years , now divorced. Been with this one now 10+ years , I can't imagine being with anyone else , but love? probably not .

I have loved three men.

I had a lot of flings and fwb relationships in my younger years, some of the men I were barely attracted to. I liked the idea of being desired and wanted due to my low self esteem. I needed a lot of validation which came at a huge cost.

I don’t know. It really depends on how you quantify/ define love.

There’s been a few men that I’ve had absolute infatuations over and would probably say that I loved them, I was completely and utterly OBSESSED, but although all 3 wanted to have sex with me, none of them, especially one wanted anything more really and I guess I wasn’t their ‘one’ I think they liked me a lot, in fact I’m almost sure 2 did, but not in the same, intense way that I liked them. Fuck I’ve been heart broken and obsessed each time though. I stalk all of their socials at least once a week when I’m bored.

Then there’s my husband, he’s the best man I’ve ever met and there are so many times that I think fuck I LOVE him. He adores me and yet so many women would adore him. He’s everything a lot of women want. I count my lucky stars every day. However, is he 100% my type on ‘paper’ does he tick all my boxes? No. Are some of those other men I mentioned above better suited in those ways, yes! I’d say DH is what I (and most women need) but the men above have much of what I want, in an ideal world.

Lots of people may say that they love someone, as they may think it's love.when it maybe is just extreme desire and sexual chemistry,,and if it doesn't last, they may move onto a new lover, and say the same things again..

I have seen this happen a lot, where a couple will say that they are madly in love,and six months later, they have both gone their separate ways.

Much the same as lots of new marriages, where you expect great love to be declared,and then the marriage is over in a year or two.

I suppose everyone has their own version of what they think is love.
Was just remembering when Charles and Diana got engaged, and one of them was asked about their love.and Charles said, Whatever love is ! Now we all know what he meant !

Having kids made me feel that I'd never actually been in love before. I still love my ex, in many ways, because he's a good but too troubled person, but not deep in my soul the way I love my mum, sisters and DCs. Not sure if that is the way I'm made or a sign I've never met the right person.

3
one who loved me back briefly, a long time ago
one significant early 20s relationship, passionate, but ultimately ended up a right mess
DH, slow burn, the real deal, together 21 years now

Now I'm late forties I would say two but there were about four others I tried to convince myself I loved to get over the real first one

Three. All different types of love. First boyfriend a very immature but heartfelt love. Three year relationship. Second DP very, very intense love and passionate too but he ended up being an abusive and violent dick. I really did love him though. Two years. It was that typical rollercoaster love of an an abusive relationship that took a while to get over. Current DP, nearly 1.5 years. It's a much more gentle, slow growing love. In some ways I fell for him more slowly than with others but now I can't believe the depth of my feelings. And I really adore him.

Was also on the cusp of love with another who ghosted me just at the point I was really falling for him. Lucky escape.

Also those people saying it wasn't a real love if it ended soon afterwards-- I'm not sure I agree. Both my first 2 relationships ended because the men either cheated on me (first one) and was violent to me (second one). It didn't end because I wasn't in love, I loved both of them (as silly
as I maybe was to love them). Maybe the feeling wasn't as mutual as it should have been or they wouldn't have mistreated me so badly, but I deeply loved them. Then again, maybe I just fall in love easily.

4 exes and my husband. The love I feel for my husband is deeper as we have created a life together and he's the kindest, most amazing man I have ever known, but I did love the others at that time of my life. One I look back and think why, one wasn't serious but meant a lot to each other and the other two were wonderful men who I only have happy memories of but glad I didn't marry them!

I’m not sure. I’m tempted to say none!

I thought I really loved my uni boyfriend, but I wonder if it was more extreme attraction and something of an obsession.

Exh I don’t think I ever genuinely loved. Was never really physically attracted and that was a mistake - it was something of a rebound at first too.

Maybe sort of loved the guy I was seeing after that, but I think that was just attraction again.

So probably none tbh!

And I’m not sure any of them actually loved me - maybe exh but not really, as he wasn’t kind in the end.

Two. First one was my university boyfriend. I believe we could've been each others forever, but life got in the way. Second was my husband. Sadly, life got in the way there too and I'm no longer in love with him.

0 I’ve never been in love and I’m 31

I thought 2.
A brilliant at 24 but I was just fascinated.
My DH - I was definitely intensely attracted etc. I should have known that when I cried when he asked me to marry him (after six years together) - not from joy - that I should have said no.
I definitely felt the love for one other person since I’ve been married but he’s an absolute cunt. Sad this whole love thing

The responses on here are so interesting! Obviously my kids are my soul loves - their dad is a good man but I think I got together with him on the rebound as I wanted stability after the man who really rocked my world & heart didn’t want to be with me.

I had lots of earlier boyfriends- one for 2 years, one for 6 and both I thought I loved it didn’t really- it was friendship.

The one I really loved I was with for 10 months & then it didn’t work as he didn’t feel the same way.

So I went for security and someone stable to have kids with. He’s a good dad & I have been with him a long time but while I love him because he is the father of my kids, I have never been in love with him and have only recently realised this. Yikes.

How we go forward I am not sure!

4 but now divorced and very single

Three. First two were bad choices. Third time lucky here.

In fact I change my mind after just now talking to DH about our past relationships and how we’ve felt towards those partners.

I think I’ve only ever loved one man, my first boyfriend was just strong friendship and infatuation.
DH is the only one I can be certain of, and I have felt this way towards him from very early on.

I’m sorry you aren’t in love with your DH OP, it must be a hard realisation and one a fair few people have.