Car or house, AIBU?

[Toomanycars]

DH works incredibly long hours in a very demanding job. I am a SAHM although have a small part time job

DC’s school fees are massive and we don’t have much left over each month. We have about £5,000 in savings. We also recently renovated our house but still don’t have curtains up, wardrobes or garden finished as finances haven’t allowed.

DH has 2 old cars. He spent £3,000 last year restoring 1, he now wants to spend £5,000 restoring the other. Using money From a bonus he is likely to get in late spring.

I feel that finishing the house should be prioritised; he would like his car fixed for the Summer. It his only hobby, and on the one hand I feel that as he works so hard and earns the money, he should be allowed to enjoy it.

Yet, it seems like such a huge amount of money to spend when we’ve got other priorities. He has only expressed a wish to get the car done, he won’t if I’m against it.

AIBU to say no to the car?

I know it's not the point of the thread, but I can't get past the fact you have 24 windows.

Seriously, we have a fairly sizeable house, but are nowhere near that.

Even if you have, say 5 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a kitchen, two living rooms, that only comes to 10. Add in maybe one in a hallway or landing. Add in maybe a 'dual aspect' room here and there, but I still can't see how you can get it to 24.

Plus, of course, you don't need curtains or coverings in kitchens, hallways etc if you were short of cash, but I find it really incomprehensible you would have dc getting dressed, and sleeping in rooms with nothing at the window. You'd surely put something up, even if it weren't a perfect length or matching colour ?

Mostly though, I want to know how you get to 24 windows in a house, that isn't a stately home.

All these people suggesting one makes curtains - doable if windows take 6 metres of fabric, far less when they take 40m

I wouldn’t be working on the garden or the hobby car with just £5K in the bank 🙈

You must be very confident that he’s not going to lose his job or get sick!

Hmm.
Drawing room - french windows, front window, two at the sides
Sitting room: large square bay
One at the side of the front door
One in the boot room
One in the utility
Two in the kitchen
Bifolds in the garden/family room and two in the ceiling
1 in downstairs bog
DS's room 2
Main bed large square Bay
Dressing room 1
En-suite 1
Family bathroom 1
Guest room 2
En-suite 1
Top floor
1 in hall
2 in dd's bedroom
2 in dd's study
1 in top bathroom

There you go - 28 and not a stately home just a substantial arts and crafts house.

I have counted, and we seem to have 20 windows

Didn't count the two either side of front door though.....

Sounds like the house may have used up a lot of past "discretionary spending". The house choices may have meant more to you (in most families I know the woman makes the majority of decisions on interior and house choices). Doesn't sound like you have much put by (savings would be my first choice) but second I would prioritise his hobby if the priorities to date have been influenced by you. I would up hours in your situation .

Very few people who pay school fees can afford it, that's really not the issue here. Keeping DH 'on the road' is also pretty important, I would opt for the car, houses are bottomless money pits in their own right. Perhaps explore some DIY?

@RosesAndHellebores

Hmm. Drawing room - french windows, front window, two at the sides Sitting room: large square bay One at the side of the front door One in the boot room One in the utility Two in the kitchen Bifolds in the garden/family room and two in the ceiling 1 in downstairs bog DS's room 2 Main bed large square Bay Dressing room 1 En-suite 1 Family bathroom 1 Guest room 2 En-suite 1 Top floor 1 in hall 2 in dd's bedroom 2 in dd's study 1 in top bathroom

There you go - 28 and not a stately home just a substantial arts and crafts house.

You live in a 5 bedroom, 5 bathroom house with 3 reception rooms and you think that's normal? Maybe within your social circle, but most people don't live in such big houses.

go halves, he does up his car and you put it in your pension.

I was going to ask if you do not appear to have savings have you at least been investing in pensions?

@oldshoeuk

Very few people who pay school fees can afford it, that's really not the issue here. Keeping DH 'on the road' is also pretty important, I would opt for the car, houses are bottomless money pits in their own right. Perhaps explore some DIY?

Did you miss the fact the DH already has a classic car in the garage which he did up last year?

Some really interesting answers, some thought provoking and some insane!

We can afford school fees (albeit with sacrificing luxuries) that really isn’t the issue here. I wish I hadn’t mentioned it! My question was how DH’s bonus should be spent.

DC’s rooms are curtained and furnished. We are very rural so no problem with being overlooked. We have a field next door to our house so DC play there.

I feel that this thread has run its course and some posters have got hung up on counting windows and private school bashing, so will bow out now.

Yes, to be fair RosesAndHellebores, most people's houses don't have 4 bathrooms + downstairs toilet plus boot room and utility and 3 Reception rooms, 5 bedrooms plus dressing rooms etc

You shouldn't be spending the bonus. You should be saving it. £5000 in savings is bugger all with your level of outgoings

@oldshoeuk

Very few people who pay school fees can afford it, that's really not the issue here. Keeping DH 'on the road' is also pretty important, I would opt for the car, houses are bottomless money pits in their own right. Perhaps explore some DIY?

They have three cars one for normal use and two "hobby" cars.

One in the boot room

Peak Mumsnet, right there.

I wonder what proportion of the UK population have a boot room. Maybe 0.0001%

Very few people who pay school fees can afford it, that's really not the issue here.

I agree that for most school fees are a stretch but I don't really understand the economics of the OPs example. How can you not have 4k for curtains but 16k x2 for school fees.

DD went to a posh 6th form, Indie, most of the families were dripping in disposable income.

I only wanted to see the 'hobby cars' myself.

Are you ashamed to ask your children's friends home for dinner? With no curtains and wardrobes it must be quite a sight for some of the children from their private school. You must look like paupers to them. I don't know anyone who lives like this.

How will you afford expensive school trips in the future and expensive hobbies?

@LastRoloIsMine

Private school is not going to be the happy childhood family memories your children will have.

A run down home no holidays no day trips and a father who works 12 hours a day and is never home. You and your DH need to look at why you had children.

I cannot vote because I dont agree £5000 should be spent on a hobbies if it means the children go without.

This is really judgy. What about families working 12 hour days, living in shabby homes without holidays but who send their kids to state schools? Are you going to question why they had kids as well!?!

We got curtains for our house at a charity shop - about 30 quid for three rooms all Great quality. Wardrobes can be a few hundred Quid they don't have to be expensive - maybe re set your thinking on how much you spend on stuff? No reason why you can't do both to be honest

@BackforGood absolutely but you don't get 24 windows in a Wimpey new build and what you have just described is not a stately home which is the post I was responding to.

Glances round room - clocks curtains - thrilled to have them. Just lobbed another log on.

Are you ashamed to ask your children's friends home for dinner? Not in the least, they come to play with my DC. I have (amazingly) never needed to apply smelling salts to tiny visitors overcome by our lack of curtains.

A run down home no holidays no day trips and a father who works 12 hours a day and is never home. You and your DH need to look at why you had children.

^ Best post on the thread ^
The house has been fully renovated, we just need the finishing touches. It’s not remotely run down inside now. I’m a SAHM and our home is full of love and laughter (just not curtains or wardrobes). They go on plenty of day trips. We’ve been playing cricket in the field with the dogs most of the afternoon. I feel confident my DC know they are adored and wanted, and are having a wonderful childhood.

Genuine question OP are you not absolutely terrified that your financial situation is so precarious due to relying so heavily on one wage, paying the school fees and not having much in savings?