Car or house, AIBU?

[Toomanycars]

DH works incredibly long hours in a very demanding job. I am a SAHM although have a small part time job

DC’s school fees are massive and we don’t have much left over each month. We have about £5,000 in savings. We also recently renovated our house but still don’t have curtains up, wardrobes or garden finished as finances haven’t allowed.

DH has 2 old cars. He spent £3,000 last year restoring 1, he now wants to spend £5,000 restoring the other. Using money From a bonus he is likely to get in late spring.

I feel that finishing the house should be prioritised; he would like his car fixed for the Summer. It his only hobby, and on the one hand I feel that as he works so hard and earns the money, he should be allowed to enjoy it.

Yet, it seems like such a huge amount of money to spend when we’ve got other priorities. He has only expressed a wish to get the car done, he won’t if I’m against it.

AIBU to say no to the car?

You can do both.

You tell DP you it curtains, wardrobes and a small amount. Aside for emergencies pref 1k you can go secondhand if poss, affordable, you’ve waited this long for those items you can be patient for the good deal.

Any that’s left he can use towards car restoration.

But priority must be hone that benefits EVERYONE with surplus spent on one thing that benefits just ONE person.

So your kids go to private school and come home to a house with no wardrobes or curtains? And it’s primary school too so presumably you have years left of that outlay. Bonkers.

It's your business re school fees but there are people who are so against them you would have been better off not mentioning them.

I would hope that your DH would see that he should put his family first and do essential house improvements while maybe looking for a less expensive hobby just while cash is tight. If it's really an issue consider remortgaging as your improvements so far have probably increased the LTV ratio.

I'm just thinking is this one of those situations where rich people think that they aren't rich? You know the ones with thousands in stocks and shares and isa's but because its not actually in their bank account it doesn't count? Is that your back up plan for private school?

You don't seem to be understanding why people are so perplexed by your situation. I'm not great with money I'll hold my hands up but at least I have bloody curtains.

Lot of judgement about private schools here! For what it’s worth I think there are a lot of nice primary schools but many, many state secondaries are seriously underfunded and I would say that it’s worse than ‘when I was at school’. It is much easier to meet your potential with sufficient resource and smaller classes which is not the case at all state secondaries. If I had the money I’d put it into education rather than holidays or posh curtains.
Is there a reason your partner wants to keep the car- unusual model, difficult to get hold of etc? I presume if you have 24 windows you don’t need to cover them all immediately for privacy or light purposes? The kids have curtains, so choose the rooms most in need and get something cheap. Curtains sizes don’t have to be an exact width as they’re all adjustable. I do understand that if you’ve just renovated you probably want it all looking lovely but most people have to do these things over a time period with stop gaps. For wardrobes look at your nearest second hand furniture dealer, you’ll be able to get much better quality than IKEA at lower cost. Couldn’t you do the garden clearance yourself? You don’t say how old your children are, are any at home during the school day?

Wow this thread. All in can see is spite about private schools. I’d send mine to one if I could afford it, good for you doing that for your kids.

It's not spite, it's common bloody sense. Thr simple truth is the OP and her DH cannot afford it. They are missing basic essentials in their home, have little to no savings should anything go wrong and are essentially giving their children a poorer quality of life just so they can send them to a private school. This isn't just a case of fewer holidays and cutting back on luxery items. It's just nonsensical to prioritise private schooling over essentials like curtains and a place to hang clothes.

If your priority as a family is private school then clearly you both need to work full time to pay for it.

I don’t believe all money is automatically shared, I do think bonuses should usually be kept for individual use, but in this case I think you’re both BU for thinking the current set-up is working. In answer to your question, split the 5k - get the curtains and wardrobes and he can have the rest for the car.

And yes to the PP who said I know a lot of people who went to private school who don’t have superior lifestyles/jobs/wealth to people who went to state.

OP don't know if you are still reading this but for what it's worth I'm totally with you. I also work PT and DH is the breadwinner and sometimes gets bonuses. They go in the family pot along with all other earnings. Sounds like you treat everything as family money, which is the approach we take too. We both have things we like to treat ourselves on but imo opinion spending £1000's on a hobby when you don't even have curtains is madness. It would be a definite no from me!

On a related note, we also try to keep things pretty even in terms of 'treat' spends e.g. when he got a new game console at £600ish pounds, I got a spa day and a small shopping trip. If he's spending £5000 on his hobby, what do you get? To look after the kids all weekend while he works on his car? It's either a 2 way street or it isn't. You're prioritising the family, he's prioritising himself.

@Roundtoedshoes

Wow this thread. All in can see is spite about private schools. I’d send mine to one if I could afford it, good for you doing that for your kids. Everyone has their own priorities. I’d say to DH let’s not do the cars and work on the savings and making some basic home improvements. As you are at home mostly, you could save money and slowly do bits yourself. Look on freecycle or similar - people give away good stuff.

Rubbish My Dc are at Private school and we do go without some things to facilitate this. My concern was that OP and her family dont have enough contingency to keep their DC at Private school, especially as they are only Primary age now.

Frankly, I'd have the house and the cars and bin the school fees.

@Roundtoedshoes

Wow this thread. All in can see is spite about private schools. I’d send mine to one if I could afford it, good for you doing that for your kids. Everyone has their own priorities. I’d say to DH let’s not do the cars and work on the savings and making some basic home improvements. As you are at home mostly, you could save money and slowly do bits yourself. Look on freecycle or similar - people give away good stuff.

I didn’t see any spite about private schools. I only saw common sense posts about the fact that the OP cannot afford it. They can’t afford basic furnishings, they have little by way of savings and as such private school is living beyond their means.

I have commented earlier along these lines and I have nothing against private schools whatsoever.

Lot of judgement about private schools here!

No there’s not. There is however lots of bewilderment at paying school fees when you have zero savings and no curtains or wardrobes.

I’ve had my DC in fee paying school since they are 3 shock horror! but there is no way I would have done that if I couldn’t have afforded curtains.

Even taking school fees out of the equation I think spending money on a non essential car when you don’t have money for household basics is insane

Anyone suggesting sewing curtains themselves-have you seen the price of curtain fabric per metre? I did some basic curtains, lined, for our living room. I'd have been just as much money, and a lot less hassle, just buying a pair!

Private school is not going to be the happy childhood family memories your children will have.

A run down home no holidays no day trips and a father who works 12 hours a day and is never home. You and your DH need to look at why you had children.

I cannot vote because I dont agree £5000 should be spent on a hobbies if it means the children go without.

A newly renovated 23 windowed house, 5k in the bank and classic cars in the garage doesn’t sound like poverty to me 😆 I think it’s about priorities, something has to give. If it was me personally I’d sacrifice being a SAHM. But there are many other options and quite possibly other non essentials that money is going on. If your monthly outgoings are cut to the bone, beans on toast every night and unable to heat the house it may have to be a radical solution. Or it might be a case of cutting back luxuries for a while and accepting that it will take time to get everything finished

I would hate not to have curtains in my bedroom and the living room. I would feel so exposed, and would have to get dressed/undressed in the dark or in the bathroom, not to mention that curtains offer brilliant insulation in cold weather and make a room feel much lighter and brighter than a black gaping hole in the wall.

And living in the north of England I would be waking up at 3 am in the summer without curtains.

I'm not against private education, but I think the OP has her priorities wrong. IMO an expensive hobby should be their last priority.

@MintyMabel I'm not totally discrediting private schools. I went to a private secondary school myself (mainly for religious reasons) , but I can honestly tell you that I would have followed the same career path regardless. And several of my friends from the local state school that I know through sports groups did just as well (and some of them better). My question to the OP is what do they want their child to gain from it? If they actually will gain a better experience then fair enough...but it's not always the case!

Well I at least, am going to stick to the question in the OP (despite being against private schooling, as a philosophy)

Two classic hobby cars come way below curtains imo. WAY below.

Basic curtains from Dunelm or The Range are probably cheaper than anything you can buy used on eBay. The rooms that you use should definitely be curtained before a penny is spent on the cars.

They’ve decided that private schooling is a priority so it’s not really up to others to question. Whether it’s hobby car or curtains really depends on what else you’re spending money on and whether income can be increased by increasing work hours. If you’re struggling to pay for all necessities without any luxuries car goes. However, if you’re paying out for gym/lunches/ expensive furnishing/ new clothes/ other hobbies etc I think it’s much less clear. If you’ve got temporary cash flow problems from having an expensive renovation with luxury fittings it might be a case of pause and save for a few months.
I can’t be the only one who has counted the windows in their house and realised that the house in question must be quite a bit larger than average!

I think it depends on the car. The work you put in vs the value of the car later?
We’re currently undergoing our second car restoration. At first it wasn’t a big job (7k) but then once you start removing thing and taking things apart the work is far more extensive. Currently bill is sitting at 19k and I’d imagine we’re looking at 21-23k by the end. But it would be worth 35k in the end.

I guess my two points are 1. I have yet to do a restoration that meets the estimate but that’s down to the type of car we restore and 2. If it’s a classic car (and by that I mean over 40 years) they can increase in value.

Personally I would do the curtains and then the car.

How much are the classic cars worth when restored? Worth the input?
Art at folk foisting their own values on OP, and sticking noses in where not asked for

Art at folk foisting their own values on OP, and sticking noses in where not asked for

The OP posted asking for opinions, and got them

@TimeForTeaAndG

Anyone suggesting sewing curtains themselves-have you seen the price of curtain fabric per metre? I did some basic curtains, lined, for our living room. I'd have been just as much money, and a lot less hassle, just buying a pair!

Yes I’ve made them too. Buying a cheaper pair of ready made that are too big and resizing them would work out cheaper.

You can pick up end of roll bargain fabrics, eBay for, again, much too big curtains to resize.

Dismissing it off hand is a bit silly but it is doable to DIY them if you have a sewing machine and can measure well and sew a straight line.

In fact my living room curtains were brand new, in the sale, they were much much too big. I got them at a bargain price and just needed to carefully take them apart and re make them the right size. I have enough leftover fabric (they’re dark green and heavy weight) that I’ve been using bits to patch other stuff that’s needed repairs and to reline my handbag.

@RampantIvy OP asked car Vs house. I think the rest of their lives seem sorted.