Car or house, AIBU?

[Toomanycars]

DH works incredibly long hours in a very demanding job. I am a SAHM although have a small part time job

DC’s school fees are massive and we don’t have much left over each month. We have about £5,000 in savings. We also recently renovated our house but still don’t have curtains up, wardrobes or garden finished as finances haven’t allowed.

DH has 2 old cars. He spent £3,000 last year restoring 1, he now wants to spend £5,000 restoring the other. Using money From a bonus he is likely to get in late spring.

I feel that finishing the house should be prioritised; he would like his car fixed for the Summer. It his only hobby, and on the one hand I feel that as he works so hard and earns the money, he should be allowed to enjoy it.

Yet, it seems like such a huge amount of money to spend when we’ve got other priorities. He has only expressed a wish to get the car done, he won’t if I’m against it.

AIBU to say no to the car?

There’s something rather off when you have kids going to private schools and have classic cars but can’t afford the basic household stuff like curtains, wardrobes etc. It’s been done to death but you really need to rethink things ! I’m not a reverse snob at all I’m sure if I could afford private school I’d send my dc but if I was struggling to get household stuff then obviously I can’t afford private school can I ?

@museumsandgalleries666

Let your husband fix his cars, he works hard and it's his only hobby. Curtains aren't that important, you can fix something temporary up, ie from charity shop, IKEA etc until you can afford what you want.

Yeah he doesn’t “fix his cars”, he pays someone to fix his cars.

DH would never put himself above a necessity, like, you know, curtains. Is he usually so selfish?

There was a good thread a while ago basically about people who's parents had treated them like Cinderella whilst spending money on themselves. Things like better food for the parents and crap quality for the kids. Anyway the gist of it was that it's abusive.

having a kid living in a house with no curtains whilst a parent spends 5k on a hobby is abusive.

Is this for real? Seriously?

You cannot afford private school and will probably have to leave soon so why not give notice now? The cost increases and has lots of hidden costs such as school trips which could wipe out your 5k alone. I don't know how you sleep at night not worrying about it.

Its also ludicrous you don't have curtains.

You need to up your hours, perhaps nights and weekends to fit in with dh. Ive a feeling you are going to be having a hard reality check soon

@MapleMay11

I would choose car restoration. You should have budgeted properly for the cost of curtains/garden etc when costing the renovation at the start of the project and factored in adequate contingency. You say he works hard so he should use his bonus to enjoy his hobby.

How does this make any sense at all?

If they as a couple didn’t budget properly they still - as a couple - need to get the work finished.

There’s 4 of them in the family and 1 of them wants to spare £5K on a second classic car just to benefit them while their garden is rubble and they have no curtains.

I would bet the classic car isn’t suitable for family outings either.

Living without curtains is not abuse😂🤣🤣🤣🤣.

I love mumsnet - just when you think it can’t get more ridiculous........

Have you factored in that private school
Fees increase year on year? Secondary gets way more expensive than primary... I agree with the others, finish the house, look at increasing savings, possibly downsize if you’ve made money on the home and put money aside.

Utterly bewildered why you send your children to private school and live in poverty.
I grew up poor. My mother made our clothes (and curtains). When I look back and compare my home growing up with that my children had it's a stark contrast. Your children will not thank you for making them live in squalor so they can go to school with rich friends who live in much nicer houses.
Teach them yourself if you are so afraid of what state school might do to them!

My DC went to bog standard comp, got all A* and first class degrees at good unis. Not all down to school, a combination of parental input and hard work.
They did enjoy a nice home, lots of travel and ......curtains

@monkeysox

If money is that tight why the fuck are you paying for private school?!

Also my first thought

These are the sort of children who, as adults, will claim to be “working class” because they grew up in squalor, despite going to private school.

@sirfredfredgeorge

How can a house that has 24 windows not be a big house?

Greenhouse.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Our DC are in primary school, yet we both work full-time - using breakfast club, after-school club and annual leave and holiday clubs during holidays. Not sure why you can't OP?

I understand your DH's feelings, working long hours yet no fun money. But he has to realise the mess you've both got yourselves in - private school, classic cars but lacking household essentials. I agree with PP who said cost everything up - curtains, wardrobes, garden etc. Make a plan to save. Figure out when you will have enough money for these things, and find some kind of compromise.

Fur coat and no knickers.

I'm not a fan of private schools but in contrast I think I would say if you've chosen to make your kids' education your priority then it's admirable in some ways. Kids probably don't care about the curtains or the cars?
No car though - put the £5k in savings so you at least have a few months worth of things go tits up.

Curtains are important as you need to sleep in a dark room so as to properly rest. Also for privacy reasons. I think it's a bit odd to live out of boxes/not have wardrobes, but curtains are fairly essential and not something that can be deprioritized over a car. You must have young children if they haven't complained about this, teens would be very keen to point out the injustice!
I'm sure it's been suggested but Facebook marketplace, Gumtree, also clearance at the large stores are all great places to get curtains or wardrobes, some are older ones, some are really new but people just didn't like them or measured wrong or need to move quickly- there's no need to be martyrish about this at all.

You don't need 24 sets of curtains at once, though, do you? You need curtains on the children's bedrooms, and your downstairs living area for privacy. If you want to prance round your own bedroom showing your nether regions to the neighbours, then fine. The children need them for privacy, for darkness when they sleep and for warmth (people who have private school but no wardrobes won't be turning the heating up).

I only have 10 windows so not that much sympathy for you:)

know plenty of ppl who went to private schools and they have they same jobs and houses and lifestyles as those around me that went to state schools.

Why do people always make this choice as if it proves private schools are worthless? A better education gives you choices. That doesn’t mean always opting for higher pay.

Is he restoring the cars to keep or sell? If to sell then buy curtains from the profit when he sells.

Curtains are a no-brainer.

Agreed. I’m no expert with a sewing machine but I could run up a pair of curtains.

Also, it is possible to buy curtains really cheaply, get second hand furniture. Poor kids won’t feel comfortable having friends round to a house that doesn’t even have curtains or wardrobes.

I’d definitely add my voice to those who say finances are definitely over stretched. Something has to give, this isn’t just about a car or curtains.

Car, all day long.

Have you thought about taking on more hours, OP, so the burden is more evenly shared?

This is madness 🤯

Depends how important private schools and old cars are to you. I'd rather have a comfortable house that looks nice. But everyone has to decide what their priorities are if you can't afford to do all you want on the budget you've got.

I would say that your Husbands impending bonus money should be used for the car he is restoring,as you say he works hard and has a demanding job, and this will be a very pleasurable outlet for him, to finish off his car hobby project. It's not such a big thing,if you have to wait for the other things that you need,or want.

Wow this thread. All in can see is spite about private schools. I’d send mine to one if I could afford it, good for you doing that for your kids. Everyone has their own priorities. I’d say to DH let’s not do the cars and work on the savings and making some basic home improvements. As you are at home mostly, you could save money and slowly do bits yourself. Look on freecycle or similar - people give away good stuff.