To think fuck you to those living in big houses who are following the rules?

[Hammyhamster92]

I have noticed swathe of happily married friends, in jobs they could do from home, in big houses with big gardens bitching about people not following the covid rules.

There seems to be no sympathy from these people that a large number of people not following the rules are, ( from personal experiences I know of)

1. Sharing a one bedroom flat with their two children, and no garden.

2. Living in a shared HMO where the landlord has turned the living room into another bedroom and there isno garden and no communal area.

3. Living with violent, abusive, toxic people.

4. Are bereaved.

5. Are unable to share or bubble with their partner, but don't feel they should have no contact for months.

I had a massive row with a friend today, ( call her lucy). Lucy asked what I was doing for the weekend, and I said I was going to visit ( "charlotte") as Charlotte has had a very horrible bereavment recently, ( cousin she was very close to died unexpectedly in a road accident) and was really struggling and has asked for a visit.

Consequently , I've been called all the names under the sun, I'm selfish/ horrible etc, and more so because I have to travel by train, ( I can't drive for medical reasons). Utterly sick of this shit, and it seems that some people who are living in a middle class bubble of perfection can't imagine the difficulties lockdown has caused others.

What about me? I follow the rules but I live in a three Ed semi with a poxy garden. Do I get a fuck off or
Not?

I can't believe one single person would vote that you were being unreasonable, OP. Who are these weird 40%??

You are taking a reasonable gripe with a friend and turning it into something bigger
Including this thread

It’s hard and it’s shit
And getting angry doesn’t help
Our MH really

Empathy is crucial, but it's also essential to realise everyone must do their best to follow the rules as we are in a pandemic and we shouldn't be putting others at risk.

We should also be careful not to fuel resentment and division with our language or actions, it's not good for our country or society as a whole

This pandemic has brought out the best and worst in some people. Ignore your friend. As PP have said some people just don’t see past their own situation and we are not all in the same boat. Personally we are in a position to manage well but I understand completely that while we are all bound by the same restrictions we don’t all have the same means to manage them.

@HotCrossBumsticks

Well I don’t know OP’s friend and her state of mind do I

No, so why would you assume something so extreme? It's idiotic.

You may think that. I don’t agree. But I’m glad you aren’t my friend.

www.samaritans.org/about-samaritans/research-policy/understanding-our-callers-during-covid-19-pandemic/what-do-we-know-about-coronavirus-and-suicide-risk/

@Hammyhamster92

Is whilst I accept most financially stable people are not like Lucy, she , ( and others I know in similar financial positions), are continually criticising people less fortunate for breaking rules which are easier for them to keep

Well that depends how you define "easier".
Easier maybe from a practical and financial perspective.Equally as difficult, however, from an emotional and social perspective.

I've navigated a difficult pregnancy for these past 8 months isolated entirely from my loved ones who are on the other side of the country. It's literally caused my MH to crumble at a very vulnerable time in my life.

So I can pay my bills and I can sit in my garden. But I can't hug my family or share my difficult pregnancy with them, so my MH has suffered big time.

@Hammyhamster92 you are totally not being unreasonable. You will have a million people on here saying you are but you are not.

Covid is the biggest excuse some people have had for ages to judge others, and they are loving it.

A world where you can't go and comfort a recently bereaved person? Nuts.

@NextDoorKnobber

I can't believe one single person would vote that you were being unreasonable, OP. Who are these weird 40%??

Welcome to Mumsnet.

I see how Gilead would get into power now. Following “the rules” at all costs for everybody’s “safety.”

Your not unreasonable to visit Charlotte and Lucy sounds unreasonable but your generalisations are unreasonable

We moved house between lockdowns 1 and 2. Previous house very small with no garden and I have to say it is much, much easier to cope in a bigger house with a garden. We have space to escape from each other now which keeps things fairly harmonious. YANBU!

@LucieStar

I would love to have a job where I could get out of the house and actually see other people. So lets not assume that the grass is always greener. Yes, some people have it worse than others, but it's hardly a barrel of laughs for anyone.

Omg absolutely this.
I've been fortunate to WFH for most (not all) of the past year, but in doing so have felt unbelievably isolated from society as a result.

On the one hand we are incredibly lucky that DH has kept his job and he’s been able to do it from home. I lost my income for a short while but was about to start maternity leave anyway so we’ve been ‘lucky’ there too although not sure how lucky having a baby in this pandemic has been.

But DH’s workload has almost doubled. It’s not a great, well paid job at all which would in some way make up for the sheer amount of stress he’s been put under. He has 8-5 normal hours but is usually starting by 7am, might take 5-10 minutes to throw some food down his throat and then back to it, works till at least 6, has dinner with us, helps bath the baby then I take baby to bed and he works again. He works weekends. Our house is absolutely taken over with equipment that comes in and out that he needs to work on and send out again.

I get really pissed off when people are like ‘oh well that’s nice that he’s at home, worked out for the best really hasn’t it’. The days he’s gone into the office have actually been the best days because at least he has some separation between the two and I’m not stressed about trying to keep a 7 month old baby quiet whilst he’s on work calls.

From his perspective, the people who have been furloughed are the lucky ones. I have friends who have been furloughed who would argue that though. Whilst recognising that he’s very lucky to be working but god it’s come at a cost!

We have a tiny house though for what it’s worth!

Sorry OP that was a totally off topic rant, it’s just been a tough time. I think it just the point that it’s very easy to think someone else is having a better time of it but it’s not always so simple.

That said your friend is awful and you’re doing the right thing visiting your other, bereaved friend.

And that's why I don't criticise any person - big house or small - who does what they need to preserve their own or another person's mental health. Because I've suffered immensely with the isolation. So I totally get it.

Being able to form a bubble as a single person is an adequate solution for a month or so, after nearly a year of this shit, a bubble doesn’t really cut it.

As a widowed, single person, most of my friends and family have friends and family of their own. Is it really reasonable to expect one family, comprising of a husband, wife, and three children to be entirely responsible for all my indoor social interaction over the entire winter, considering that I’m only really friends with one of them?

That’s just one example of many, but I really wish people would stop using the bubble excuse as if that makes this situation ok for everyone. It doesn’t.

I completely agree. I am lucky in that my bubble is my partner, so I'm not bubbled with anyone I'm not friends with, and we obviously do want to spend plenty of time with each other. However, like your friend and their family he has had to be responsible for all my indoor social interactions this winter, has had to be the one to provide hugs, a shoulder to cry on, someone to have a meal with, someone to watch TV with.

My dad died in November. My DP has been the only person allowed to comfort me with a hug, the only person who has sat next to me one the sofa while I talked about memories of my dad and cried. My DP has had to be everything to me. He's amazing and has been great at doing it, but I feel it's a big ask of one person.

I've seen two friends outdoors since my dad died. In normal circumstances they would have given me a massive comforting hug when I saw them. I probably would have cried, it would have been part of my grieving process. That hasn't happened and I'm starting to feel as if my grief is stuck in limbo.

While I agree that people in a nice house etc have it easier I’m going to reserve the right to be pissed off.

I have followed the rules to the letter. Since Christmas I have only been to work. No where else. I caught Covid. I must have caught it at work from other who presumably didn’t follow the rules.

She's just a dick. Probably would just watch as a dog bit her kid in the park if there was a 'don't walk on the grass' sign.

on the other hand, people moving about unnecessarily, using public transport, sitting in friend's houses, buying a coffee on the station platform, visiting the supermarket for a sandwich.........is all contributing to the continued spread of covid and is impacting on everyone's lives.

I do understand the frustrations, I have a few frustrations myself as a single parent who hasn't been able to meet up with friends for months and months on end. I do think that people should be able to make their own decisions as to risk vs. mental health of their friends and loved ones and make visits such as you are mentioning, OP. However, you do need to see that bigger picture and recognise that every contact - necessary or unnecessary - is a potential opportunity to spread the virus and the more we spread it, the longer it takes for 'normal' to return and the more potential there is for it to impact you personally. It really isn't wrong for people to be frustrated by this, particularly if someone believes they have made personal sacrifices for the greater good but others don't seem able to do the same. I could easily start a thread about fuck the people who don't realise the impact covid might have on me as a single parent or what might happen to my child who is clinically vulnerable....

I teach - we have done lateral flow tests on all our students 3 times and all were negative and then the test went home.... we have closed two year groups this week due to 5 positives, including a teacher. Lord knows how many more of us may go down with it in the next 10 days. It's still out there, it's still spreading. There are people who are not yet vaccinated. There are children who are vulnerable. You can do whatever you think is right for you and your family and friends but whether you like it or not, the impact of that on other people is potentially massive.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

Not sure what the size of house or garden has to do with it. The rules apply to everyone, regardless of where they live.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss because surely it tends to be easier to live a restricted lifestyle in comfortable, spacious surroundings than cramped or less desirable ones? The 'Stay at Home' order is going to be experienced very differently by an affluent couple in a large country house who can potter around doing the gardening over a weekend, compared to a big family with young children in run down temporary accommodation with no garden who can only go for a walk once a day. I mean, those are extremes but still ...

continually criticising people less fortunate for breaking rules which are easier for them to keep

that's exactly where you are massively BU

You are doing exactly what you accuse other people of doing, and judging when you have no idea what their situation might be.

You are just looking for excuses for breaking the rules. At least be honest.

I do sympathise and realise life is difficult. However, it's against all the rules of lockdown to go and visit a friend. We are told to stay home to save the lives of those around us

Oh right. So people who need support can just go fuck themselves because only covid matters? No.

I think it's incredibly difficult. I'm in a nice bubble, going out to work, not particularly vulnerable (although have had covid and was no picnic, very much want to avoid it again). There are people who think rules are rules and always stick by them. That's fine and I respect that. There are others who consistently think the rules aren't there for them and consistently flout them, those people are generally selfish pricks. The third group are those that generally follow rules, certainly when they understand why they are important but sometimes will bend or break them when circumstances seem to justify it. I'm in this group and it sounds like you are too op.

This pandemic has been so divisive on so many levels. I do wonder where we'll be when we get to the other end.

Yanbu OP. I can't even imagine how it must be to be locked up with an angry man for the best part of a year.

Having said that, if governments around the world had taken covid seriously in Jan 2020, it could have been extinguished completely, gone from the world, like Smallpox, by April that year. But, this would have meant the public letting them take the measures needed and if covid had been successful eradicated, I don't think we'd have ever forgiven world leaders for the actions they took as we wouldn't know or believe what theyd saved us from.

@AliasGrape

I hear you 100%.

Both DP and I have jobs we've been able to keep - mine from home due to pregnancy, and his frontline public service so no option to wfh. But his role has put him at increased risk daily and his shifts have also increased, like your DH. This has added an extra worry to our shoulders due to my pregnancy. Then add the isolation from my family who are miles away, as well as a difficult pregnancy, and WFH so no interaction with others at all outside of the home.... yeah. It's been tough.

A large house and a garden are no substitute for your mental health.

Your friend is a dick but you can't judge every person living in a big house following the rules because of it.

Even the royal family hasn't been able to stay in one property, but has been driving back and forth between London and their second home.

everybody has "excuses", but pretending your excuses are better is ridiculous.