To think fuck you to those living in big houses who are following the rules?

[Hammyhamster92]

I have noticed swathe of happily married friends, in jobs they could do from home, in big houses with big gardens bitching about people not following the covid rules.

There seems to be no sympathy from these people that a large number of people not following the rules are, ( from personal experiences I know of)

1. Sharing a one bedroom flat with their two children, and no garden.

2. Living in a shared HMO where the landlord has turned the living room into another bedroom and there isno garden and no communal area.

3. Living with violent, abusive, toxic people.

4. Are bereaved.

5. Are unable to share or bubble with their partner, but don't feel they should have no contact for months.

I had a massive row with a friend today, ( call her lucy). Lucy asked what I was doing for the weekend, and I said I was going to visit ( "charlotte") as Charlotte has had a very horrible bereavment recently, ( cousin she was very close to died unexpectedly in a road accident) and was really struggling and has asked for a visit.

Consequently , I've been called all the names under the sun, I'm selfish/ horrible etc, and more so because I have to travel by train, ( I can't drive for medical reasons). Utterly sick of this shit, and it seems that some people who are living in a middle class bubble of perfection can't imagine the difficulties lockdown has caused others.

Re horses- plenty of non rich people have them.
In London one has to be rich as livery is expensive and houses with stabling are by default expensive, But elsewhere in the country horses are not expensive to keep.

I don’t know ANYONE who has stuck diligently to the rules these days.

I know plenty

The rules have never been so strict that it's difficult anyway. Between the flipping bubbles, the meeting outside, the exercise, it's really not that hard.

It sounds like she doesn't even know the rules. Crisis and emergency includes someone's state of mind, those on their own increasingly have come to crisis points. I'm going to provide care to a friend's mum who is dying. So my friend can have her burden shared. We will of course "socialise" as she needs to talk about what she is going through. I'd say she has no empathy and is a judgy bitch, regardless of her house.

@oakleaffy

Re horses- plenty of non rich people have them. In London one has to be rich as livery is expensive and houses with stabling are by default expensive, But elsewhere in the country horses are not expensive to keep.

I honestly wasn't trying to take a dig at horse owners!

Just pointing out how ridiculous the OP is

Fuck Lucy

I had this argument a few times - wealthy millionaire woman who admittently did live in a flat not a big house with two teenagers who all had their own space just couldn't get why some teenagers were out and about. Playstations, piano, outdoor space, a private education - all in that flat.

I knew some of the teenagers she was videoing and sharing, and they lived in shared bedsits with their families, emergency accomodation. Not all of them, but some of them at least. Congregating outside so I really had no issue with it, was a lot safer than in their bedsits with families of five plus.

Mrs Wealthy then went onto have two local businesses shut now because she could see they weren't observing social distancing in their lines of people - again outside, and she failed to film from the side of the lines, just behind - it always looks like people are closer when you do this.

It will be very interesting to see what happens when she reopens her business, she's made a lot of enemies.

I agree with you except for the working from home part. People, especially single people, forced to work from home can feel incredibly isolated. It's not a privilege in any way.

I definitely agree about the big house/garden/partner thing.

I also feel, like others, that the rules were doable for a certain amount of time, but not forever.

Are you saying it’s ok to break the rules if you live in less than ideal circumstances? A friend can complain about you rule breaking if you live in a large house but not if you live in an HMO? I don’t quite understand your logic however I do think that if you felt your bereaved friend was not coping and is at risk then you can actually visit.

"Prie are allowed to meet one other person outside walking every day for unlimited time and bubble up with anyone if single or a child under 1."

Some people don't have a bubble though because their friends have bubbled with other people. What are they supposed to do?

You just have a shit friend OP

That doesn’t make all people in houses evil

A lot of those issues that you list anyone could face. So to judge people on them based on the size of their house makes you unreasonable.

"But elsewhere in the country horses are not expensive to keep."

Land is much cheaper in the countryside, but still costs as does food. They are not as expensive as in the city, but they're not cheap either.

@Betty000

You are spot on! It’s beginning to get to me now. Of course there is a difference between a 5 bed comfy house and a 2 bedroom flat. It’s like working from home, for some it’s a joy for others it’s really difficult to find the space to do so.

I know of people working from their bed. It's really not healthy to be looking at the same four walls all the time. I don't know about now, but in the first lockdown sunbathing in the park was not allowed, even sitting and reading was not allowed, but people with gardens could do it. MUCH more difficult for people in small flats or shared houses.

I fail to see what living in a big house with garden has to do with keeping the rules. People either stick to guidelines or they don't, nothing to do with housing. Also their personal and family circumstances have a role to play regardless.

What do you call a 'big' house and do you resent people having bigger houses than you?

I'm glad you went to give support to a bereaved relative, you did what you thought was right but why did you announce it to anyone? That was asking for criticism. If you do something nice for someone, keep it to yourself.

@Lollyneenah

Yanbu

We may all be weathering the same storm, but we do not have the same vessels

So true!

But you are not breaking the rules . You friend would be classed as vunerable .

Just ignore them.

There will be more flexibility at the end of the month anyway .

My daughter went to see a friend whose partner is suffering severe depression . ( not covid related) they are vulnerable and I said to her “well done” not being selfish at all . They are all young and high risk , wearing masks , sanitising hands etc etc .

There are cases where it is being selfish , but your scenario is not one of them .

I do sympathise and realise life is difficult. However, it's against all the rules of lockdown to go and visit a friend. We are told to stay home to save the lives of those around us

This.

And you know, you could be living in a 'large house' with an abuser. Or be clinically extremely vulnerable. Or be suffering from cancer and having your treatment delayed. Or have a family bereavement.

"I fail to see what living in a big house with garden has to do with keeping the rules."

Well, quite a bit. People without gardens would have to break the rules to sit outside, at least when the rule was that you could only go outside if you were moving all the time. Not very fair is it?
People in small places would have to go outside for a change of scene and would have to work and live in the same small space whereas someone with a bigger house could go into another room.

I wonder how many of these people in large houses either did not vote or voted Tory. They are in part responsible for the length of time that each set of restrictions has been in place. My estimate is that if a competent Tory government had been in place about six weeks less of restrictions in total.

"And you know, you could be living in a 'large house' with an abuser."

Is it better (in the sense of 'least bad') to be in a large house or a small house with an abuser?
Is it better to be rich and have cancer or be poor and have cancer and have to worry about the cost of time off work?
Is it better to be rich and bereaved or poor and bereaved and not know how you will be able to eat?

I must say though I dont think it is anything to do with the house you live in or income . Lack of human contact and interaction can affect anyone , irrelevant of circumstances.

But I do wish people would read the rules .

There is too little information to know how unreasonable you are being. If you are generally blase and just see everybody all the time - and this friend just happens to be bereaved recently - then your friend Lucy may have felt pushed. I have a friend who is able to self justify not following the rules and it has really opened my eyes to her...

People have different experiences in the pandemic. We get no reprieve because both our jobs are in public health - and in January the data was terrifying. There are fewer cases now. I worried constantly for vulnerable people I love and felt every break of the rules was a potential death or five.

In contact tracing, you could link rule breaking or socialising directly to deaths. A cup of tea with a friend that lead to a care home outbreak, a church gathering putting up decorations lead to two deaths. It was horrific.

if everyone in smaller houses ignored the rules we would still be in the shit with high levels of disease.

ok so its often easier in a big house, BUT we have not seen our IL's for over 18 months or our son for more than 2 hours in the last 18 months. This is because they live far away - maybe we should claim this isnt fair and ignore that rule? Our kids havent seen partners for months on end. we still have BB issues. I am so bored.....

I live in a tiny house and I have stuck religiously to all the rules.

I think you and your friend sound as bad as each other.

NRTFT but I think YABU because you are coming at this from a position of reverse snobbery and jealousy. What makes you think that people living in larger houses than yours can't be bereaved or suffer domestic violence for example? It's already been suggested in the press that Coronavirus may become endemic in poorer areas and that doesn't seem to be something to be encouraged as far as I'm concerned but slating people based on their income, whether high or low seems pointless at best.