Friend stood me up but says it's my fault. Is it?

[Somethingkindaoooo]

Hi
My friend and I go through periods where we go for a walk in the morning ( 5.30am)

We just started up again- went once and then made plans to do it again the next day. We agreed via text that we wouldn't go if it was pouring with rain.

Next morning, I got up ( 10 mins before the meet time) get dressed and go to her house and wait outside. She lives very close. All lights are off, no movement. I wait. I didn't want to knock due to the time.
I'm not in the habit of bringing my phone with me, so I finally go home and pick up my phone.

She had WhatsApp d me before 5 to see if I was up. I turn my phone wifi off at night, and didnt check it before I went to meet her.
I then replied that i hadn't been up then,but i did go to meet her.
She replied with laughing emojis and said she went back to bed 5 mins before we were to meet.
I pointed out that she went back to bed 5 mins before our meeting time.

She then said that I should have replied to her text. The one asking if I was up ( sent 40 mins before our meeting time)

As the message was sent via WhatsApp, she could see that the message wasn't received on my end ( wifi off).
And she did not ever say that she was cancelling.

So
YABU - me not receiving a message is a clear indication I wasn't going to show

YANBU - she stood me up and is trying to blame me.

If it matters, she has cancelled at short notice/ slept through about 3 of the last 5 times.
I've slept through once.
I do understand that she may not have slept well, and decided not to get up. My beef is that she never ever cancelled. Messaging ' are you up?' At 4.50 am is not the same as saying that she changed her mind.

@CreosoteQueen

Unless friend has kids or was sick, there was no reason for OP to check her phone.

How would op know her friend was sick unless she checked her phone?

The point is friend wasn’t sick. So she should have met up as planned.

And, I wasnt keen on the laughing emojis.

[quote CatsHairEverywhere]@Lacucuracha well unless you live with your head buried in the sand, you’ll know women walking in the dark isn’t exactly safe. Too many predatory men out there, if she needed help she’d have no way to alert anyone of it. We’ve all learned from MN no one answers their door in the morning, especially not before 8am so she couldn’t have banged on a random door for help. If she’d fallen and broke a leg, she’d have to crawl home to get help too. Going out with no way of protecting yourself or alerting anyone to the fact that you’re in danger or need help is outright stupid in this day and age.[/quote]
Well then go and tell predatory men not to attack women.

Don’t put the onus on women,. It’s a walk at 5.30, almost daylight FFS.

Why on earth
are you both up so early to go on these walks then?

I think you are both being unreasonable,

I think its allways best to check your what's app thing.
especially its hazzle (its bit stressful/inconvient) for ypursrlf,
being up so early and her not sticking to the agreed ,arrangement !

And her your friend often letting you down last min etc.!

It does not sound as if this arrangement is working out though,
Could you meet up later on in the day then?
or meet up another days/times more agreeable suitable then?

You are the unreasonable one, you should have checked your phone. It's just normal to do that before meeting someone in case anything has changed.

My husband goes for an early walk with his friend every Friday morning at 6am* and he always checks his phone better he leaves as sometimes his friend has had to cancel at short notice.

*so it's before work - and yes I think it's insane and I've told him this.

I turn WiFi off at night because my family all live in another part of the world. I don't want to be disturbed by the phone pinging.

You don’t need to turn WiFi off for that There’s an entire feature dedicated to just that called Do Not Disturb.

YABU.
If you'd have checked your phone when you got up, you'd have seen that friend was unsure if you were still meeting and you could have responded to clarify.

OP, a word of warning, lockdown has turned so many posters into bullies on MN, I predict you’ll need to hide this thread.

Oops Typo mistake,

Ment to say yourself ect

I honestly couldn't bring myself to care.

For those asking why we walk at 5 30- we both work full time, have other commitments etc. We do it to exercise, on account of lardiness.

Why on earth are you both up so early to go on these walks then?

What’s it to you?! It’s none of your business what time OP goes for a walk.

Utterly batshit thread. Entirely your fault for deliberately not checking your phone, you don’t need to disconnect the wifi to avoid calls, pinging, just put it on silent.

Not taking your phone is also just unnecessary, anything could happen where someone needs to contact you or vice versa.

You both sound like hard work and clearly the arrangement doesn’t suit.

YABU to not check your phone before you left. I would have done what your friend did, and message checking it was still on before I got up, especially as you both have form for oversleeping.

I turn WiFi off at night because my family all live in another part of the world. I don't want to be disturbed by the phone pinging.

So turn your phone to silent, or set up Do Not Disturb. If you have an iPhone DND is in Settings. You can set it to allow calls from certain people so you won't miss, say, calls from your partner or child.

And take your phone with you when you leave the house! You just never know when you'll need it.

You go out walking at 5.30 in the morning alone whilst you travel to her house and don't take a phone with you? That's just weird. I'd always have my phone with me when out and about alone. Common sense

You should have checked your phone before leaving. It would literally have taken seconds. The end.

I think you're both at fault but you a bit more then her. You should always keep your phone on you if out alone, especially at that hour tbh

It's a bit of a non issue tbh. You said she lives close, so you didn't go far for nothing. You said you needed exercise for pretty common reasons, so you had option to do that too. There was a miscommunication. And you have options to not arrange anymore if you get fed up with it.
Trying to work out why it's bothering you? It is a nothing.

If she went back to bed 5 minutes before your meeting time you had plenty of time to reply to her message saying you were up?

I too would go back to bed at this point with no reply to that text

It was just a miscommunication, but next time check your bloody phone

Turning your WiFi off like that can impact the speed. Why not just use DND or airplane mode or put the phone in another room?

Every responder on the thread has said the OP is in the wrong for not checking her messages. Not a single one has the reading comprehension to see it would not have made any difference, because there was in fact no cancellation message?

@CatsHairEverywhere don’t patronise me about predatory men, I’ve had my own awful experiences.

None of that gives you the right to dictate to a women what time she goes out or whether she takes her mobile or not.

Go back to bed, you clearly came out the wrong side this morning.

It takes one second to put your phone on silent, isn't that what most people do at night?