Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend stood me up but says it's my fault. Is it?

313 replies

Somethingkindaoooo · 20/03/2021 09:47

Hi
My friend and I go through periods where we go for a walk in the morning ( 5.30am)

We just started up again- went once and then made plans to do it again the next day. We agreed via text that we wouldn't go if it was pouring with rain.

Next morning, I got up ( 10 mins before the meet time) get dressed and go to her house and wait outside. She lives very close. All lights are off, no movement. I wait. I didn't want to knock due to the time.
I'm not in the habit of bringing my phone with me, so I finally go home and pick up my phone.

She had WhatsApp d me before 5 to see if I was up. I turn my phone wifi off at night, and didnt check it before I went to meet her.
I then replied that i hadn't been up then,but i did go to meet her.
She replied with laughing emojis and said she went back to bed 5 mins before we were to meet.
I pointed out that she went back to bed 5 mins before our meeting time.

She then said that I should have replied to her text. The one asking if I was up ( sent 40 mins before our meeting time)

As the message was sent via WhatsApp, she could see that the message wasn't received on my end ( wifi off).
And she did not ever say that she was cancelling.

So
YABU - me not receiving a message is a clear indication I wasn't going to show

YANBU - she stood me up and is trying to blame me.

If it matters, she has cancelled at short notice/ slept through about 3 of the last 5 times.
I've slept through once.
I do understand that she may not have slept well, and decided not to get up. My beef is that she never ever cancelled. Messaging ' are you up?' At 4.50 am is not the same as saying that she changed her mind.

OP posts:
GreatTeaMonkey · 20/03/2021 09:58

Why do you disconnect your phones wifi?

MindBodyChocolate · 20/03/2021 09:59

Hehe - it’s a silly cock up by both of you. Given you’ve both slept through before and you won’t go out in the rain, I think it’s probably best to let this one slide. Go out by yourself if you’re that keen for an early morning stroll.

pictish · 20/03/2021 09:59

I would have checked my phone. Most people don’t turn the WiFi off overnight.

Lacucuracha · 20/03/2021 09:59

She should have come down when she didn’t see 2 blue ticks.

Can you go alone? I don’t give flakes the time of day.

Sassysally12 · 20/03/2021 09:59

I think if she has slept through three times and you have once it’s clearly too early.. getting up at 4.50 to go for a walk defines the point of a healthy walk if your bodies bloody shattered?! Grin

Clymene · 20/03/2021 09:59

If you're not going to knock on her door, check your messages or take your phone with you, how is she supposed to know if the walk is happening?

It doesn't sound like either of you want to do it though.

Scarby9 · 20/03/2021 10:01

I know this isn't the point of the thread, but why are you walking at 5.30am?
I am intrigued.

TheVanguardSix · 20/03/2021 10:01

I think you're both mad as frogs to walk at 5:30am! Grin So there you go, YA BOTH BU.
You need to change your start time. Who decided 5:30am was a decent time to take a walk?

bookworm29x · 20/03/2021 10:03

YABU. It's not hard to check your phone. Hmm

MummytoCSJH · 20/03/2021 10:05

Why do to turn WiFi overnight? Confused Yes, you need to check your phone before meeting someone. I would never not confirm plans to be honest.

MummytoCSJH · 20/03/2021 10:05

You, even.

Tinydinosaur · 20/03/2021 10:05

It does my head in when people make themselves deliberately unavailable. You had plans but made yourself deliberately unavailable to her. Maybe 5.30am is too early for her and you should walk later?

Easterbunnygettingready · 20/03/2021 10:06

Can't imagine why you /anyone wouldn't take their phone out walking...

Lacucuracha · 20/03/2021 10:06

Unless friend has kids or was sick, there was no reason for OP to check her phone.

Flakiness is so common now. If you make a plan, stick to it!

Lacucuracha · 20/03/2021 10:06

@Easterbunnygettingready

Can't imagine why you /anyone wouldn't take their phone out walking...
Why?
CreosoteQueen · 20/03/2021 10:07

I agree it’s your fault. She would naturally assume you had slept in. It’s sensible to check your phone before leaving, so going forward you should do that.

Why don’t you take your phone with you? What if you had an accident?

CatsHairEverywhere · 20/03/2021 10:07

I’d have gone back to bed if someone didn’t reply to me, would have assumed they were still asleep and it would be a waste of my time to get up and ready when the message wasn’t even delivered

CreosoteQueen · 20/03/2021 10:08

Unless friend has kids or was sick, there was no reason for OP to check her phone.

How would op know her friend was sick unless she checked her phone? Confused

luxxlisbon · 20/03/2021 10:08

Unless friend has kids or was sick, there was no reason for OP to check her phone.

No reason? Literally anything could happen between making plans with someone and the plans starting and if you don’t check your phone you would never know. There was every reason for OP to check her phone and it’s pretty abnormal not to.

CatsHairEverywhere · 20/03/2021 10:10

@Lacucuracha well unless you live with your head buried in the sand, you’ll know women walking in the dark isn’t exactly safe. Too many predatory men out there, if she needed help she’d have no way to alert anyone of it. We’ve all learned from MN no one answers their door in the morning, especially not before 8am so she couldn’t have banged on a random door for help. If she’d fallen and broke a leg, she’d have to crawl home to get help too. Going out with no way of protecting yourself or alerting anyone to the fact that you’re in danger or need help is outright stupid in this day and age.

ShinyMe · 20/03/2021 10:10

But if she had messaged to cancel anyway, you wouldn't have seen it! Who gets up in the morning and heads off to meet someone without checking their phone?

Okbussitout · 20/03/2021 10:11

@AppleKatie

Honestly? You both sound like hard work.

Why are you walking at 5.30am? Doesn’t sound like either of you enjoy it.

Pretty much my thoughts
Crimblecrumble1990 · 20/03/2021 10:11

Sounds like she didn't do anything wrong - people are allowed to cancel and it's strange that you wouldn't check your phone considering how flaky she has been in the past.

Flakiness is a pain in the arse so I can see why you are annoyed but it's not really anyone's fault that you didn't see her text.

I would probably just go for a walk on my own from now on or arrange a later time..

emilyfrost · 20/03/2021 10:11

YABU. You should have checked your phone.

Original poster
Somethingkindaoooo · 20/03/2021 10:11

I turn WiFi off at night because my family all live in another part of the world. I don't want to be disturbed by the phone pinging.

If she would have said that she is going back to bed, it honestly would not have been an issue. I would have taken it on the chin that I didn't check my phone.

I'm upset because she didn't cancel. The WhatsApp message was sent 40 mins before, so why WOULD I be up at that time? And she could see it wasn't received.

We have joked about rolling out of bed to go on the walk, but I wouldn't assume that she would know my morning habits.

Again- the cancelling wouldn't have bothered me, and if she HAD cancelled, and messaged me, it WOULD have been my fault for not checking!
She never cancelled.

OP posts: