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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to take OH speed awareness course?

269 replies

freeus · 19/03/2021 19:10

Oh has been caught speeding, he's already done a speed awareness course 2 years ago.
he's complaining that the insurance is going to up now. I said I don't want to take the wrath for him it's not my problem!

AIBU?
Apparently I've got no loyalty to him and I'm not backing him up.

Not to mention it's illegal

OP posts:
ilikemethewayiam · 20/03/2021 12:29

My exDH actually set me up as a ‘sleeping’ director on a friends company WITHOUT asking me. I only found out when his friend attempted to commit insurance fraud on company property and had to tell me when the insurance company launched an investigation and wanted to question me. I was completely oblivious. He’d been forging my signature the whole time and so had his friends. I am straight as a die when it comes to the law, I was brought up that way by my parents. It doesn’t matter how big or small the act is. They taught me it’s all about character. If I ever broke the law, I would bring shame to them and never be trusted. Being of decent honest moral fibre was the more important than wealth or title. I have never so much as stolen a sweet from a sweet shop. To say I was devastated and horrified is an understatement. This amongst a zillion other deceits is why he is an ex. Live your life with dignity OP. Don’t let this man bring you down into the swamp with him and his family.

GabsAlot · 20/03/2021 12:31

What a twat and sounds like it runs in the family

and what a weird comment about seeing a crime and reporting it-isnt that normal?

CuthbertDibbleandGrubb · 20/03/2021 12:40

I hope he comes before a magistrate who is one of the few not to listen to bleeding heart stories and he gets banned.

MoonCatcher · 20/03/2021 12:43

Your husband is an idiot. You would both face a prison sentence for doing this.

oakleaffy · 20/03/2021 12:47

He is a Wally, OP
He does need to do that course as he clearly needs to learn how to drive safely.

If you take it for him and get caught, it will impact on YOU!

If he speeds he has to take the consequences.

Cavagirl · 20/03/2021 12:48

Do they (he & brother) actually realise the seriousness of what they are asking you to do? It's not like - can you just pay my parking fine for me?

Given his other comments this would have me fundamentally questioning whether my "D"P and I shared the same values...the question in itself would but then the continued badgering and now getting his family involved to exert more pressure...he doesn't respect you at all, does he?

FelicityPike · 20/03/2021 12:49

If I were you and I found out ANYONE was going to take the rap for this, I’d be phoning the police and informing them of it all.

saraclara · 20/03/2021 12:52

I am the last to say LTB, but any partner who demanded I do something that would result in a prison sentence and my children not having their mother around for that period (and who then got his brother to push me even harder) would be gone.

What was his response when you pointed out that you'd both go to jail, @freeus?

LongDistanceClaret · 20/03/2021 12:52

I know someone who did this and didn’t get caught. My estimation of him went right down after that (tbh it confirmed what I already knew about him - that he was a total twat).

mumwon · 20/03/2021 13:01

speed CAMERAS! the police can check on the route if they choose
he does the crime he pays the fine

WallaceinAnderland · 20/03/2021 13:02

@oakleaffy

He is a Wally, OP He does need to do that course as he clearly needs to learn how to drive safely.

If you take it for him and get caught, it will impact on YOU!

If he speeds he has to take the consequences.

He can't take the course, he's already done it.
willibald · 20/03/2021 13:07

I'd be seriously reconsidering whether he was to remain a 'OH'.

YoniAndGuy · 20/03/2021 13:07

I think I'd be moving the discussion on from driving courses to relationship breakdowns tbh.

This tells you a HUGE, HUGE amount about who this man is. And his brother the same? So this is what this family is like?

I wouldn't want to be on their 'team' and I wouldn't want to foist this 'team' onto my children as their family.

Think hard! He's telling you who he is. And how much he cares for your wellbeing.

thedancingbear · 20/03/2021 13:10

@saraclara

I am the last to say LTB, but any partner who demanded I do something that would result in a prison sentence and my children not having their mother around for that period (and who then got his brother to push me even harder) would be gone.

What was his response when you pointed out that you'd both go to jail, @freeus?

I'm in the same boat. I hate the way this place jumps to LTB over common-or-garden issues within otherwise decent relationships.

In the OP's position, right now, I'd be fucking gone. The fact that he's not just asked, but consistently pressured her to commit a crime that could put her in prison, including getting other family members to lean on her is so far beyond the pale - I don't know where to start.

OP, if you're stil reading - your DH is an utter cunt. Literally everyone on this thread is saying the same thing. You should leave him.

dancerdog · 20/03/2021 13:15

Is his brother insured to drive the car?

Original poster
freeus · 20/03/2021 13:16

I'm still reading just been on the phone to my mum telling her everything. I've just rented a new house all in my name. Soon as I've sorted out childcare ect I'm done with him for good.
I can't keep living my life like this we're never going to work.

OP posts:
raincamepouringdown · 20/03/2021 13:17

Once you've moved out, I'd report him for trying to make you take the blame for his speeding. And his brother.

1WayOrAnother2 · 20/03/2021 13:18

You are right not to do it
1 it is a crime he is pressuring you to commit!
2 it is a crime that could easily be spotted. Is he your twin? If not, the photo record of his speeding incident won't look like you. Can he prove to you that he was not in the photo?

Is he like this in other aspects of your life? He does not seem to have a normal level of concern for your well-being.

(He does seem to be gas-lighting you on this too.Why is he not apologising for adding to your family cost of living through his mistake?)

Is he worth all this OP?

Velvian · 20/03/2021 13:18

My ILs suggested to me that I do this for DH, I said no and they were unimpressed. However, not as unimpressed as I was with them at the time and that was what mattered to me (I decided). I understand the pressure, op. It is not nice.

1WayOrAnother2 · 20/03/2021 13:20

Just read your update OP - that sounds like a brilliant way of protecting your driving record - your insurance premium - and your well-being in general.

AdoraBell · 20/03/2021 13:22

Take one for the team ?

Fuck that. As pp have suggested, his brother can take one for the team if it’s that’s important for them.

saraclara · 20/03/2021 13:22

@freeus

I'm still reading just been on the phone to my mum telling her everything. I've just rented a new house all in my name. Soon as I've sorted out childcare ect I'm done with him for good. I can't keep living my life like this we're never going to work.
Well done. Seriously. You need to be well clear of this man and his family.
MoonCatcher · 20/03/2021 13:22

@freeus

I'm still reading just been on the phone to my mum telling her everything. I've just rented a new house all in my name. Soon as I've sorted out childcare ect I'm done with him for good. I can't keep living my life like this we're never going to work.
You've sorted out new accommodation? That was fast.
bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 20/03/2021 13:26

Fantastic news! You are well-rid of him.

AdoraBell · 20/03/2021 13:28

Just thought of something, sorry if it’s already been suggested.

If you have a smart phone I think you should put this on the Notes and calendar. Something like - H’s brother said take one for the team or H is pressuring me to do this. Also, email this thread to yourself.

I’m thinking I’m case H/BIL complete the paperwork stating that you were driving.

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