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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be crying over the Caroline Flack programme?

312 replies

Franch2892 · 19/03/2021 15:48

I don't really cry at TV or movies usually but this really hit me.
I finished watching the programme feeling somewhat 'depressed'.
I felt it was very relatable.
I've had times of depression and horrible thoughts and seeing her mum and friends talk about her made me realise how loved most people don't even realise they are.

It just hit me after the documentary how quickly people can be taken away and how we just never see them again.

I don't know, it's just made me really really sad Confused

OP posts:
Vilanelle · 20/03/2021 12:09

Woman amd man argue, woman cuts herself in front of boyfriend. Boyfriend tries stopping her, woman in fragile state hits him away from her. He gets small cut to head which doesn't require any treatment. Woman is a serial domestic abuser and then kills herself

He could have told the truth but didn't. I'd be blaming him

Potpourriandpennysweets · 20/03/2021 12:18

I have had friends commit suicide/attempt to. There have been two patterns I have seen a lot of, the person who asks for help and everyone is there for, but over time you can't be on that constant state of high Alert all the time, so even though you are scared they might harm themselves, you have to go to work, you have to get some sleep, you have to leave them alone for some time for whatever reason. I really recognised when her mum said the worst thing CF did was not text her mum back. Because every time she didn't her mum would believe she had killed herself. But her mum, her sister, her friends, had no choice but to live their lives too. They could not watch CF all the time. She was always vulnerable to Suicide, and they could not have done more even if they had been with her 24/7. Because if they had, then she still would have found a way. In fact she would have probably got there sooner.

Then there are the people who pretend they are fine, when you can see they aren't really. You try to convince yourself to believe their lies. You try to tell yourself that they really are as fine as they say they are. And after they commit suicide you know that you should have trusted your instincts, and you hate yourself for it. You hate that their is no time to rectify it. That is the story her family and friends told too.

There are so many people like CF. They have EUPD/BPD, depression, anxiety, PTSD, addiction/alcoholism, eating disorders, bipolar, etc. But they are so much more than that. They try their best to hide their darkness, because people do not understand that you can be both a Ray of light and vulnerable to so much darkness. But they are not at odds. Sometimes these brave, intelligent, talented, fantastic individuals are also the most flawed and damaged. They have the worst battles in private. In a way this story reminds me of Amy Winehouse, another woman who had her demons and the press vilified. I sometimes think that a life without fame, a little less talent and more mediocrity would have saved these women.

But it should not be so! People who are vulnerable should not be restricted because of a bullying press, they should be able to reach the top of their game and be treated as human beings still. And if they are struggling they should feel able to ask for help without being vilified or weakened by that. Amy should have gone to rehab, and CF should have gone to a psychiatrist, and the world would be a better place for it.

Instead we have mental health stigma, layered with misogyny and bullying, and you end up with dead young women.

May17th · 20/03/2021 12:26

@Indoctro

I think Someone with her history should of stepped away from the spotlight long before. It's a cruel world with tabloids and social media and I think if you aren't mentally robust it's not a place you should be. She should of took the money she had made and left the limelight , such a sad story.
This stands for the majority of celebs it’s easy for us to say. Money is the root of all evil. I agree with you but I do think it’s unrealistic at the same time.
May17th · 20/03/2021 12:30

@Yazzyup the BF would of been aware of CF mental health if he felt he was impacted by her mental health he should of done something about it. The fact she was going through his phone.... doesn’t sound like he was trying to help her much.

Pumperthepumper · 20/03/2021 12:35

@NailsNeedDoing

That’s not the same as saying they are treated fairly. I don’t think women are treated fairly in many areas of life, but nor do I think that they are treated more harshly than men when they are violent towards someone else. They might be by the media, but not by pubic opinion. Like I said, there’s a lot of public sympathy out there for CF, you don’t see that for any of the men you listed.

I’m assuming there’s a reason why you won’t pick up on the other points I made though.

I already have.

And I’ve already linked threads which show public sympathy for famous abusive men.

NailsNeedDoing · 20/03/2021 12:44

If you think you have, then we’ll just have to agree to disagree.

Pumperthepumper · 20/03/2021 12:54

@NailsNeedDoing

If you think you have, then we’ll just have to agree to disagree.
I went through your post point by point.
pabloescobarselasticband · 20/03/2021 16:38

@Vilanelle

Woman amd man argue, woman cuts herself in front of boyfriend. Boyfriend tries stopping her, woman in fragile state hits him away from her. He gets small cut to head which doesn't require any treatment. Woman is a serial domestic abuser and then kills herself

He could have told the truth but didn't. I'd be blaming him

But thats not actually what happened
JohannaC · 20/03/2021 16:45

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RootyT00t · 20/03/2021 16:46

I don't think the anniversary of the tragic death of a young woman is time to point score on whether men or women have it harder really, is it.

FrippEnos · 20/03/2021 17:31

JohannaC

Except that Vilanelle's version of events isn't the version of events that happened.

JohannaC · 20/03/2021 17:34

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RootyT00t · 20/03/2021 17:44

Villanelle, you are talking absolute nonsense.

JohannaC · 20/03/2021 17:48

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JohannaC · 20/03/2021 17:48

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RootyT00t · 20/03/2021 17:49

@JohannaC

I do feel sorry for CF ultimately, but how many non famous people are there out there right no without the support network or money she had? I do feel we often attain a sense of false kinship (wrong word but you get my meaning) with people we regularly see on tv.
You know nothing about her financial status and support network.

I get your point about the kinship, but I think it's normal to feel sympathy for her.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 20/03/2021 18:04

I’m suprised the conversation is so centred on the abuse
As said by PP
make out as though a woman hurting her partner in a fit of rage on finding that he is cheating is the same as a pattern of sustained domestic abuse and violence

The poster was totally disgusting 🤢

The reason why it moved me so
Much was her sister , her mum and a few friends - especially the blonde one
She said something about getting annoyed and maybe not realising that for Caroline it really was a big deal Sad

I hope her family and friends can find some peace and healing

As I said earlier , given for how long she had this issue even if this incident hadn’t triggered her , maybe something else would have

Thisisworsethananticpated · 20/03/2021 18:06

but how many non famous people are there out there right no without the support network or money she had?

Well loads , but her story is still worth hearing so we can learn
Anyway I’m poorer than she was

But I’ve managed to get help , therapy , medication 💊

And for some reason she wouldn’t or
Couldn’t

JohannaC · 20/03/2021 18:13

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Thisisworsethananticpated · 20/03/2021 18:28

JohannaC
Street sleeping mental health is ignored mainly
And I agree with you but ....
But I still found it a very worthwhile watch
It actually snapped me out of a slump I’ve been in
I had the first nice day I’ve had for ages
As I have to

Felifox · 20/03/2021 18:42

I have only watched Caroline Flack on Strictly. She was great fun to watch and I can imagine she had highs and lows. What is unforgivable is the Press intrusion at the time she was at the police station. I didn't think reporting was allowed when a person had been charged. It's very sad.

An example of press intrusion was the reporting of Christopher Jeffries being questioned about the murder of his tenant. There was a lot of speculation about a quiet academic with some less usual and highbrow interests.

We shouldn't judge Caroline as it never went to trial and I feel desperately sorry for her family and friends who loved her

MorganKitten · 20/03/2021 18:46

@raskolnikova

I don't know what went on in Caroline Flack's relationships, but I'm a bit uncomfortable with all the people claiming 'It was only a little cut' on her boyfriend's head.

Well okay, but that's still assault. Assaulting someone 'just a little bit' is still assault.

This, there’s two former partners she abused.

The way people on here talk about men who abuse women, if Johnny Depp had a show like this they’d be outraged. But when it was mentioned Amber heard is also abusive people seemed fine with it.

RootyT00t · 20/03/2021 18:48

@MorganKitten, she didn't abuse the previous partner.

Our of interest, Google his statement when she died.

Johnny Depp is an abuse victim so it's a different scenario.

The poor soul who had to run off to Australia to escape her (the same man who got fame by leading on a gay man on national TV).

RootyT00t · 20/03/2021 18:49

@Felifox

I have only watched Caroline Flack on Strictly. She was great fun to watch and I can imagine she had highs and lows. What is unforgivable is the Press intrusion at the time she was at the police station. I didn't think reporting was allowed when a person had been charged. It's very sad.

An example of press intrusion was the reporting of Christopher Jeffries being questioned about the murder of his tenant. There was a lot of speculation about a quiet academic with some less usual and highbrow interests.

We shouldn't judge Caroline as it never went to trial and I feel desperately sorry for her family and friends who loved her

Or Gareth having to tell his family he's HIV positive before the press did.

Or Steph davis' suicide attempt after being told a false story was being run.

Or the phone hacking.

We know what the media are capable of.

StartingGrid · 20/03/2021 21:53

The whataboutery on this thread is absolutely ridiculous. And to those mentioning the blood, it was hers, she cut her arm (wrist?) and had to have plastic surgery. If you'd have watched the documentary instead of just coming here to spout shite about something you don't know about, you'd have heard her poor mother telling us that, and would have seen the footage of her with her hand in some sort of dressing.