Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be crying over the Caroline Flack programme?

312 replies

Franch2892 · 19/03/2021 15:48

I don't really cry at TV or movies usually but this really hit me.
I finished watching the programme feeling somewhat 'depressed'.
I felt it was very relatable.
I've had times of depression and horrible thoughts and seeing her mum and friends talk about her made me realise how loved most people don't even realise they are.

It just hit me after the documentary how quickly people can be taken away and how we just never see them again.

I don't know, it's just made me really really sad Confused

OP posts:
littlepattilou · 19/03/2021 23:55

Just watched this programme now.

I felt really sorry for her mum. It was heart-breaking watching her pore through old photos of 'Carrie' as she called her. I also felt sorry for Olly Murs who seemed quite choked up, and also for a couple of Caroline's friends. (One was the little blonde called Anna I think, and I am not sure of the other one's name, but she had darker hair.)

The second (darker haired girl,) seemed devastated that she never listened to Caroline more, and seemed to blame herself for not being there more. It wasn't her fault of course, and no-one could have stopped what Caroline did.

Very moving programme. Sad

Thisisworsethananticpated · 19/03/2021 23:59

Harvey Weinstein? Saville? Bill Crosby?

Unless I’m mistaken she did it once
And also self harmed at the same time

It’s hardly comparable is it
To Jimmy Bloody Saville

I’m no domestic abuse apologiser , I’ve done the freedom programme

But one awful mistake isn’t the same as decades of abuse

Thisisworsethananticpated · 20/03/2021 00:03

And yes very triggering and moving
I’m having a MH dip , it’s just shit and sad

Blankscreen · 20/03/2021 00:37

It was sad and I ended up in tears. I really felt for her sister as it seemed that although they were really close, there was a tricky dynamic of some sort going on, possibly with the whole world always revolving around Caroline.

It's interesting though isn't it that Ant from Ant and Dec can get crash his car pissed, make an apology and all is forgiven by the press and yet the press were out for CF's blood.

She was wrong totally wrong but she was sacked before she had even gone to trial. So much for being innocent before being proven to be guilty.

She must have felt in free fall - her career was over, her heart was broken and she clearly had MH issues. Sadly a toxic mix.

JohannaC · 20/03/2021 01:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

May17th · 20/03/2021 06:04

@JohannaC

I think it's a sad story and she undoubtedly had serious issues. But on the other hand I'm not sure people would be quite so forgiving if we were talking about a male domestic abuser.
She has not murdered the man!! What do people or did should I say want to happen to CF. She was going to court is that not enough? People are being so harsh as if she beat the boyfriend up black and blue.... he’s a grown man and most women physically could not manage to fight a man. What happened had been blown out of proportion due to her being a celeb. A domestic argument happen often as a one off it’s insane.

I wish someone could of told her this before she ended her own life!

PurpleFlower1983 · 20/03/2021 06:20

My ex was troubled, mental health issues and self-esteem issues. He also dabbled in DV. I don’t feel sorry for her just because she happens to be female.

ufucoffee · 20/03/2021 06:31

I watched it and found it really sad. I felt very sorry for her mum. I also thought it was a good example of why people should not be named in public after being charged with a crime until found guilty.

PugInTheHouse · 20/03/2021 06:48

All we know is that it was a one off argument, I dont think she can be labeled a domestic abuser, there is no evidence to suggest she is (doesnt mean she wasn't but not one personon here has shown any proof otherwise). I think its completely vile that people on here are making things up.

A teacher at my old school killed himself, 2 girls accused him of molesting them. He was suspended and it was in the papers immediately. It came out they had made it up as he'd told them off. They had told loads of people it wasn't true but he was labeled a paedophile at the school and in the papers. He had been with his long term partner for 25 or 30 years I believe (another man). It was so desperately sad. That was only local papers but the way they wrote was that he was guilty immediately. It is very easy to be drawn in by what is printed. It is usually very different from the truth.

Sansaplans · 20/03/2021 06:51

I thought it was very well made, it didn't make her out to be a saint at all, her family and friends were really open and honest about her struggles, very brave of them. If she was a bloke she wouldn't have faced that level of media intrusion and scrutiny, no way, probably wouldn't have even lost her job. Her ex sent the photos of the blood stained mattress, her blood, to his ex girlfriend who sold them to the press, so disgusting. She was already hung out to dry before the truth came out.

May17th · 20/03/2021 06:56

@Sansaplans that is disgusting I didn’t know that about the photos. No wonder he is quiet now. The fact that CF boyfriend was in communication with his ex is telling Shock

raskolnikova · 20/03/2021 06:59

@PugInTheHouse

All we know is that it was a one off argument, I dont think she can be labeled a domestic abuser, there is no evidence to suggest she is (doesnt mean she wasn't but not one personon here has shown any proof otherwise). I think its completely vile that people on here are making things up.

A teacher at my old school killed himself, 2 girls accused him of molesting them. He was suspended and it was in the papers immediately. It came out they had made it up as he'd told them off. They had told loads of people it wasn't true but he was labeled a paedophile at the school and in the papers. He had been with his long term partner for 25 or 30 years I believe (another man). It was so desperately sad. That was only local papers but the way they wrote was that he was guilty immediately. It is very easy to be drawn in by what is printed. It is usually very different from the truth.

The evidence is that her boyfriend had an injury. An injury is evidence of violence.
mummywithhermini · 20/03/2021 07:04

I haven't seen the documentary but I do feel very sorry for her. She was very vulnerable and the police / media were out to get her.
It really disturbed me that after her death the very people who were trying to destroy her life when alive were full of 'poor Caroline' type comments.

PugInTheHouse · 20/03/2021 07:18

@raskolnikova yes, an injury, she was being charged for that, she said she wasn't guilty so did he but at trial the facts would have been determined, why is this not enough for people. The point is I don't think you can say she is an abuser, it completely minimises those who are being abused. She may well be but other than one heated row there is no further evidence to suggest this. For all we know they had a reasonable relationship and she lost it that night over cheating claims. She was being punished for it, doesn't mean she deserved how she was treated or to be labelled a domestic abuser.

PugInTheHouse · 20/03/2021 07:21

I do understand that domestic abuse can be a one off incident but that doesn't make her a domestic abuser. Personally to me that would suggest a pattern of events.

Pumperthepumper · 20/03/2021 07:26

@JohannaC

I think it's a sad story and she undoubtedly had serious issues. But on the other hand I'm not sure people would be quite so forgiving if we were talking about a male domestic abuser.
They would though. We forgive male domestic abusers all the time. Caroline Flack got a particularly hard time because she was female.
JohannaC · 20/03/2021 07:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

raskolnikova · 20/03/2021 07:30

[quote PugInTheHouse]@raskolnikova yes, an injury, she was being charged for that, she said she wasn't guilty so did he but at trial the facts would have been determined, why is this not enough for people. The point is I don't think you can say she is an abuser, it completely minimises those who are being abused. She may well be but other than one heated row there is no further evidence to suggest this. For all we know they had a reasonable relationship and she lost it that night over cheating claims. She was being punished for it, doesn't mean she deserved how she was treated or to be labelled a domestic abuser.[/quote]
Well obviously she killed herself before trial so all people can do is go on the evidence they know. If someone came to me with an injury saying their partner had assaulted them then I would believe that their partner was abusive, based on my own experience as well. Wouldn't mean that I thought their partner deserved to die of course, but I would believe they deserved to be charged. As someone above said, victims do deny things happened sometimes too, doesn't necessary mean anything.

JohannaC · 20/03/2021 07:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Compoundinginterest · 20/03/2021 07:34

I haven't watched it and I dont intend to.
I wasnt a fan of CF but did think it was very sad that she felt it necessary to commit suicide.
She should have gone to court and faced the same charges any other person would have faced. The press hounded her and made her life a misery - very sad.
What did upset me after the event was all the #Bekind bullshit.
I found it extremely hypocritical that this was suddenly being said about beautiful, rich, important, influential people. Those who had nice clothes or wore nice make up. Those who had nice hair or fancy possessions.
I had many debates with friends who would say Bekind if there was ever anything remotely disparaging said about any of the people above yet still felt it ok to slag off the poor on benefits, someone's looks, hair or clothes, a disability, where someone lived.
Sorry it just pisses me off - you cant pick and chose who you want to #bekind to!!

JohannaC · 20/03/2021 07:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Pumperthepumper · 20/03/2021 07:39

@JohannaC

They would though. We forgive male domestic abusers all the time. Caroline Flack got a particularly hard time because she was female.

Not 100% sure I agree. We don't bat an eyelid at women slapping men in films, especially rom come which are mainly made for a female audience. But the reverse would be an outrage if a man slapped a woman. I mean, doesn't one of the princesses in Frozen comically punch the bad guy at the end and we still see it as the archetypal kids movie.

We also know that three women per week are killed by men in the UK alone.

We know that one allegation - even two! - of abuse of a famous man (Depp, Manson, Hammer) won’t finish their career, will barely even dent it.

We know that even when several people come forward about sexual abuse as a child, if we like that man’s music we will look for ways to prove they’re lying.

Or if they’re good at football. Or if they’re a well-liked MP. And so on, forever.

The reason people don’t treat violence from men and women EXACTLY the same in all circumstances is because they’re not exactly the same. Men are much, much more violent than women

And the reason CF got such a hard time is our old friend misogyny - people love to be believe she was ‘just as bad’ and ‘if the roles were reversed’ and it’s bollocks. If the roles were reversed, this story would barely have made the news.

May17th · 20/03/2021 07:40

@JohannaC

he’s a grown man and most women physically could not manage to fight a man.

I'm inclined to think that the intent behind a punch is still the same, although admittedly a bruised cheekbone will be viewed different from a broken eye socket/jaw etc.

Yes your right. I do not know why people are acting as though CF wasn’t been reprimanded for her actions. she was in the process so what’s your point?
raskolnikova · 20/03/2021 07:47

But there are people who seem to believe that being reprimanded for her actions contributed to her death and that she shouldn't have been in the process (see the anger towards the police/CPS). As I said, she killed herself before trial so we will never get an official guilty/not guilty, people will make up their minds based on what they know.

NailsNeedDoing · 20/03/2021 07:58

All we know is that it was a one off argument, I dont think she can be labeled a domestic abuser, there is no evidence to suggest she is (doesnt mean she wasn't but not one personon here has shown any proof otherwise).

So when a man hits a woman, is it not really domestic abuse until he hits her more than once? Should we only attempt to protect women from violence when they have clear evidence of more than one attack on them, because it doesn’t really count until it’s happened more than once?