To find care work hard

[Dragisnotacontactsport]

Maybe I'm just not warm enough. I do enjoy the job, I look after people with learning difficulties and autism in their teens and 20s. They are very sweet and it's great to work with them.

However there are some things I'm finding tough. I know it isn't their fault at all and that we are here to support them.

I am sick of having to constantly flush faeces down the toilet. One of the ladies never flushes the toilet, she seems to have understanding of other things, I have tried to show her to flush it several times but she never does.

The same lady also never washes her hands, I put sanitiser on her several times a day but sadly can't be there every time she's used the toilet. Her hands smell of faeces, she will then touch me, she has touched my food and my face mask with them. Once or twice I've been eating and the door rang or something, I came back and she had eaten my food.
I really sometimes think I must be horrible as I don't seem to react in the same way as my colleagues, they really fuss over one lady in particular and constantly tend to her like servants.
I care about them and try to support them but I don't pamper and pander to them with a constant stream of snacks throughout the day.
I don't like to have favourites either but it's evident here.

I will probably get flamed for this, I do like the job and I want to support them, I just find these elements hard. I don't have children or anything so maybe I have less experience with this sort of thing.
Anyone else ever felt this way? I hope I don't sound horrible, I think I am a caring person and want to help them.

I also get scratched, grabbed and pushed when trying to dress them if they don't want those clothes. I know it's not their fault, but can be tough sometimes.

I worked in care and i know its taboo to say but I absolutely HATED it.

I did my job well, i cared for the patients well and their families would always say great things about me to management because I genuinely wanted to help them

But some were violent and nasty and would constantly accuse staff of things which meant constant investigations and fearing for yourself ( i know, not most of it wasn’t their fault) and we never had management support, we were just meant to put up with anything thrown and we werent allowed to raise personal safety concerns

In the end it got too much for me mentally and I had to leave.

I totally get where you’re coming from. I would never recommend the job to anyone.

Yes it’s a very hard job and I have children with autism so can imagine. That’s why we need a government who will properly fund our state so that people like you who do such valuable work in caring for our most vulnerable, are paid well for your work so that this gives you energy, tolerance and patience in the knowledge that your work is so lightly valued by our society. You are doing such an important job and these things are incredibly hard . We need you to know that it’s ok to find it hard but to keep being tolerant and kind and patient and take pride in that. I sincerely hope we will get rid of the nasty party and instate one which rewards people like you.

All carers are different and will react to service users in different ways. As long as you are giving care , not ignoring needs or being cruel ( and that does happen ) then you are doing a good job. It IS a hard job to do op.

I really take my hat off to carers. I looked after my OWN parents for ONE week and it nearly broke me. I just don't know how they do it.

Highly valued not lightly!

It's very hard. I'd personally rather turn to crime than work in care, tbh.

Sorry to hear you went through those things, it sounds like you really tried hard and I can understand it was too much.

I think I'm just like that in general, the same with children, I'm caring but I've never been one to make a huge fuss and so on.

One of the ladies grabbed all the masks from the packet we had and then touched them with dirty hands so obviously we couldn't wear them anymore. We had another service user and if she ate staff food they would take the money out of her purse for it. With this other one, they just laugh and say oh isn't she cute. It's just favouritism again.

Thanks for the replies, I appreciate the support.
When the lady took my mask, I asked for it back and she wouldn't give it to me, so I held her wrist and took the mask back.i didn't hold it hard or anything but I felt I had to be firm. A colleague looked at me in horror which I really don't understand.

I cared for my mum for five years, up to the end of her life. I was constantly physically and mentally exhausted. Two years down the line I still am exhausted in many ways.

Maybe change jobs, work in a Nursing or residential home for the elderly.

Hi op I worked in care for 10 years straight from school and while I was I was In college, I worked in residential care for a few years and it wasn't my cup of tea, it was very hard work, more so emotionally for me too, I then went onto do home care instead and it's soo much better!! I found that I could find that bond with my patients because I was around their family who could tell me a bit about them (in circumstances where they couldn't tell me themselves) in residential care that element wasn't there and I think that's where the problem lay (for me anyway)
Would you ever consider doing home care instead?

YANBU.
I worked with adults with learning disabilities for years and I was one of the few staff that didn't have a favourite and who didn't enjoy having people share my food/drinks or spend my days off coming to the home to take residents on days out etc.
I was a fantastic to carer, well-liked and fair.

I was a fantastic carer that should read

Thanks for your replies, I work in home care currently, maybe I would consider another setting though!

I think it sounds like a hard job for little pay. Extra work now with covid.

It's interesting that some people get paid a fortune for a job which is relatively easy - then others get paid less for a job which is really demanding.

I think if should attract a professional salary with decent pension & some perks.

My DM was a carer for many years and loved it. My cousin did it for 3 days and couldn't do it any longer. I know I couldn't do it.

Maybe it isn't the job for you as you seem to hate it but you sound like a nice person.
Don't be so hard on yourself

I started working in a childrens home 6 months ago with complex needs eg cerebral palsy and learning disabilities.

I'll admit the ones with autism nearly broke me in the first 3 or 4 months, personally I struggle more than anything with that. Its taken me until now to start looking forward to it, however I was warned at the beginning it's not for everybody.

Trust me you are not a horrible person at all and nothing to be ashamed of to admit if you dont enjoy it x

Would it help if there was somewhere secure you could leave things like food?

There is a staff room but no fridge in there so can't really leave certain things.
The 'staff room' is also the bedroom and is essentially a cupboard under the stairs grotty room for staff to sleep on night shifts.
Thanks for the support, I probably am being hard on myself.

You’re in the wrong job or you need some training

" I meant domiciliary care not home care"
Lol it's been a looong day 😅

It's very very hard work. Which is why it deserves to be a proper career, with proper training, respect and pay.

There are fabulous carers (and I'm sure you are one of them) and they deserve recognition.

Also you perhaps need to have greater understanding of the clients with autism.
Just because the lady who doesn’t flush understands some things it doesn’t mean that she really has any clue how her behaviour affects you and others. Of course it’s intolerable but understanding it properly will
Make you much more forgiving. I know this from experience. You should ask for more training perhaps.

I also imagine there are moment of light for you where you feel that you are doing good? You just hold on to these.