To find care work hard

[Dragisnotacontactsport]

Maybe I'm just not warm enough. I do enjoy the job, I look after people with learning difficulties and autism in their teens and 20s. They are very sweet and it's great to work with them.

However there are some things I'm finding tough. I know it isn't their fault at all and that we are here to support them.

I am sick of having to constantly flush faeces down the toilet. One of the ladies never flushes the toilet, she seems to have understanding of other things, I have tried to show her to flush it several times but she never does.

The same lady also never washes her hands, I put sanitiser on her several times a day but sadly can't be there every time she's used the toilet. Her hands smell of faeces, she will then touch me, she has touched my food and my face mask with them. Once or twice I've been eating and the door rang or something, I came back and she had eaten my food.
I really sometimes think I must be horrible as I don't seem to react in the same way as my colleagues, they really fuss over one lady in particular and constantly tend to her like servants.
I care about them and try to support them but I don't pamper and pander to them with a constant stream of snacks throughout the day.
I don't like to have favourites either but it's evident here.

I will probably get flamed for this, I do like the job and I want to support them, I just find these elements hard. I don't have children or anything so maybe I have less experience with this sort of thing.
Anyone else ever felt this way? I hope I don't sound horrible, I think I am a caring person and want to help them.

Some sense from @Mmn654123 . It’s okay to say the work you did seemed to be pointless and boring. We weren’t there, we know absolutely nothing about it. I used to work as a drugs worker with offenders and it was pointless and boring, because of the company I worked for which tied our hands and made it impossible to actually help our clients. I absolutely loved the client group. Working with people convicted of all kinds of crime right through to the ‘worst’ society can imagine. They weren’t pointless and boring, the role was, and it’s absolutely okay to say that and want something different. People are very quick to judge.

@Mintychocolate where on earth did the sentence about murdering children come from? Did anyone ever mention that!?

@Mmn654123 the OP has been repeatedly told that she is offering inadequate care and observing bad practice. This isn’t just about her feelings. There is a difference between talking about the frustrations of a job and making negative comments about the disabled people you care for - speaking about them as if they have no value. I’m not the only one that has found it offensive.

[quote Teenageromance]@Mmn654123 the OP has been repeatedly told that she is offering inadequate care and observing bad practice. This isn’t just about her feelings. There is a difference between talking about the frustrations of a job and making negative comments about the disabled people you care for - speaking about them as if they have no value. I’m not the only one that has found it offensive.[/quote]
I’m talking about the pile on towards @Runmybathforme who never said anyone had no value. There are people on this thread who are perhaps sensitive on the topic. Perhaps those people would do well to recognise they are incapable of participating in the discussion without their own issues coming to the fore and walk away from the thread.

Look at my earlier comments about the actual Op. I’m very clear she’s in the wrong role.

However @Runmybathforme has not said anything offensive. I know many people who find who sections of clinical work pointless and disheartening. That isn’t judging the patients in those areas. It’s having the insight to recognise you as an individual aren’t motivated in that area and moving to somewhere that is a better fit. Some people can work in palliative care and find it rewarding. Most cannot and do not. Some people are excellent surgical nurses - I found that area totally unrewarding and dull. I hated working in paediatrics - couldn’t bear the parents and frankly if I’d stayed in that area social services would have been overrun because I judged so many as wholly incompetent. Which I recognise is more about me than them. So not the place for me. Each person working clinically has to find the area that fits their skills and personalities.

The fact that you feel offended doesn’t mean anyone has said anything wrong. Some patients and client groups are harder work than others.

It's important to remember that people who work in the care sector are people, not house elves. People who may need training and will always need decent leadership and reasonable working conditions.

This place sounds crap, your colleagues stealing money and having favourites is poor and just sets the tone for more poor behaviour. Having good colleagues who understand the needs of the service users would make a huge difference to the new starters who are still being trained.

@Mmn654123 I’ve noticed pile ons often happen when one poster has completely misunderstood or exaggerated what someone has said, then subsequent posters join in bashing the first poster for something they didn’t actually say. It’s irritating.

@RoseLimeade
Very true!

I am going to move away from this thread but have asked mumsnet to keep an eye on it. It is very useful for those of us who have people in our lives who may require care by others, to see that staff with frustrations with the job let it spill over into their attitudes and views on the people they care for. It has reinforced my reluctance for any long term care by others.
There are clearly some fantastic carers on here who talk of person centred care and give respect to people who lack capacity. It is wonderful to see. I wish everyone could be like that but clearly not. At least those of you on here who developed negative attitudes knew you had to move on and hopefully OP will either move on or receive training in a better organisation.

@Teenageromance

I am going to move away from this thread but have asked mumsnet to keep an eye on it. It is very useful for those of us who have people in our lives who may require care by others, to see that staff with frustrations with the job let it spill over into their attitudes and views on the people they care for. It has reinforced my reluctance for any long term care by others. There are clearly some fantastic carers on here who talk of person centred care and give respect to people who lack capacity. It is wonderful to see. I wish everyone could be like that but clearly not. At least those of you on here who developed negative attitudes knew you had to move on and hopefully OP will either move on or receive training in a better organisation.

That’s wise and I agree that can happen.

Which is why good management in the care sector is so important and staff being able to de-stress by talking about their frustrations without judgement.

It’s a fine balance. I’ve done shifts in toxic environments where it becomes normalised to treat people badly and openly be derogatory about patients among staff. It’s awful and I have reported care homes to the council myself when I have seen that. I’ve also reported qualified clinical staff for mistreating patients. We all have a duty of care and to prevent mistreatment of others. Back then there was no CQC either.

But it’s important to recognise that care work can cause frustrations. Just as a parent can reach the end of their tether with a crying child or an adult child can get frustrated with a parent with dementia. Fortunately care staff get to leave at the end of a shift, unlike parents. There is no excuse for abusing patients and clients and it is intolerable. But hiding feelings of frustration only makes it worse - better people recognise them and hear from colleagues that a change of clinical setting might help so they can do that. Burnout happens. All clinical staff need to recognise it in themselves and in others if patients are to be protected and accusing care workers of being bad people is no more helpful than accusing an exhausted mother of being a bad parent if she says her baby is a nightmare. Saying it’s hard, naming that frustrating, relieves the stress. And prevents actual abuse.

But I don’t believe people really thing nurses and doctors and care workers are saints do they? Surely everyone knows they are human and can get frustrated like anyone? What matters is that you as a patient don’t see or feel it and that staff themselves recognise it’s their issue and deal with it. Training is absolutely vital.

I'm a LD support worker and I love it. It's a vocation
I always say if you do not like it please don't do it. It isn't fair to those you support- this might be your job but this is their life and their home.

Fundamentally our “care” system is broken. If people were given appropriate experiences, support, etc they would be able to be more independent. For some that might mean learning Makaton signs for “drink” and “toilet”, for others supported employment opportunities.

It’s in everyone’s interest - compassionate, safer (less frustration which can step over into aggression against care workers and other vulnerable adults), but also cheaper (eg lower staff ratio to achieve the same goals, lower staff turnover so less spent on training & recruitment, etc).

Instead there are agencies who are constantly in “crises management” mode rather than “improving lives” mode.

IMO we should be trying to set up meaningful activities that aren’t just “a nice wee day out” but instead have higher expectations of what adults with disabilities can achieve.

There's thousands of jobs in the world and they don't all involve murdering small children

Which jobs do involve murdering small children?

I suspect it isn't the OP but the senior staff / managers -
Staff favour patients/ take money from some not others/ have food taken from their plates/ things are stolen from their bags/ spend overnight duty in a cupboard under the stairs and are not properly trained.
But apparently the OP is the one failing.
Perhaps those concerned about a loved one's care should check out the staff's conditions and how thorough their training is.
Sadly there is seldom a second choice of care home

You're not a bad person OP - you are just ignorant. You sound like me and lots of other parents of SN kids that just didn't understand why behaviour persists, why being told what to do/what the rules were made no difference, why speaking in a firm voice and gentle restraint often made things worse. Repeating triggers because you thought they were reasonable despite past experience. So we had to learn and adapt and develop new skills. Our reward was more harmonious living.

But your not a parent living with this 24/7 for a meagre care allowance. Of course, you are badly paid but far more than family careers. But this your job, you are trained and paid.

I understand that the term service users and clients was meant to be more empowering but what other service users are subject to the same sort of condescending treatment and blurring of boundaries that makes it somehow OK to take money from their purse, restrain with a wrist hold etc. What's the difference between a shop worker or hairdresser or bar worker or hospitality worker who relies on clients and a health care worker who relies on clients? Clients may be 'difficult' but you are still employed to give good service. Maybe because they can't easily take their money elsewhere? Every person in a care home is funded to be there. Where do you think the money to pay your wages comes from?

And when others say this is a hard job but don't address this imbalance of power it makes it seem acceptable to resort to theft or restraint. It's not.