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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find care work hard

163 replies

Dragisnotacontactsport · 18/03/2021 19:16

Maybe I'm just not warm enough. I do enjoy the job, I look after people with learning difficulties and autism in their teens and 20s. They are very sweet and it's great to work with them.

However there are some things I'm finding tough. I know it isn't their fault at all and that we are here to support them.

I am sick of having to constantly flush faeces down the toilet. One of the ladies never flushes the toilet, she seems to have understanding of other things, I have tried to show her to flush it several times but she never does.

The same lady also never washes her hands, I put sanitiser on her several times a day but sadly can't be there every time she's used the toilet. Her hands smell of faeces, she will then touch me, she has touched my food and my face mask with them. Once or twice I've been eating and the door rang or something, I came back and she had eaten my food.
I really sometimes think I must be horrible as I don't seem to react in the same way as my colleagues, they really fuss over one lady in particular and constantly tend to her like servants.
I care about them and try to support them but I don't pamper and pander to them with a constant stream of snacks throughout the day.
I don't like to have favourites either but it's evident here.

I will probably get flamed for this, I do like the job and I want to support them, I just find these elements hard. I don't have children or anything so maybe I have less experience with this sort of thing.
Anyone else ever felt this way? I hope I don't sound horrible, I think I am a caring person and want to help them.

OP posts:
vodkaredbullgirl · 18/03/2021 20:01

I work nights in a dementia home, its hard going as there is never a night where someone doesn't need something. Its both physical and mentally drain at times, but then I've done care for so long.

Savethewhales · 18/03/2021 20:03

I loved care, I loved being a carer, I dispised some of their family members though, esp when they are carers themselves! They treated us terribly and forget we had lot of other people to take care of.
Sometimes it got to me, long days and one of the service users would become aggressive and clingy. If they were a sundowner and I was busy, I'd have them help me, as it was that or they'd be clingy and under my feet, as for the break time meal on nights , it was simple bring extra and set up extra plate. Sure care is hard but they are people, they are unwell and treat them how you yourself would like to be treated.

May17th · 18/03/2021 20:08

How long have you done your job OP?

Maybe you need to look for something else and it’s time for a change. It is a hard job your right.

Original poster
Dragisnotacontactsport · 18/03/2021 20:08

Thanks everyone, I will try to beat myself up less and recognise that it's ok to hate some parts of it. Will keep going and look at extra training too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dragisnotacontactsport · 18/03/2021 20:09

I've been here for 3 months, but previously worked a year and a half in a specialist school.

OP posts:
May17th · 18/03/2021 20:12

It could be that working with young adults isn’t for you OP and there’s nothing wrong with that either OP.

When I was younger I had a trial waitress job I was rubbish at it! Even now I could never do that line of work.

audweb · 18/03/2021 20:14

You held her wrist and took the mask back? Yeah I would have looked at you in horror as well. Either find another way to get it back, or just use a spare one. I’ve worked in care for years - grabbing someone’s wrist isn’t on, sorry.

I found it exhausting and demanding but I always loved working with people, so always enjoyed it from that aspect - and any sort of personal care/poo related stuff never bothered me, especially if they had no concept of what they were doing.

ShesMadeATwatOfMePam · 18/03/2021 20:16

If you hate it that much after 3 months you should probably find a different setting or job. Grabbing someone's wrist to make them give back a mask doesn't sound right to me.

MegMogandOg · 18/03/2021 20:19

audweb you sound like an absolute gem. OP don’t beat yourself up about this it’s bloody hard- either ask for what you need- more breaks - better training etc or look for a different setting where you feel more confident.

BonnieDundee · 18/03/2021 20:21

I've never worked in care. I'm glad. It sounds really hard and is one of the lowest paid jobs. It's not right Sad

Heartofglass12345 · 18/03/2021 20:23

You all sound like you need training to be honest. They shouldn't be calling people cute, you definitely shouldn't be putting your hands on people and making them wear clothes they don't want to wear.

Spudbyanyothername · 18/03/2021 20:23

It is really hard work and it’s ok not to enjoy some aspects of it. Thank you for caring.

Squellyolwelly · 18/03/2021 20:26

As PP said, your colleague was right to look at you in horror and quite frankly should have reported you for unsafe practise.
You need to be able to legally justify any kind of restraint and anyone in the care industry right now should have a supply of masks available so they are able to change them if they break, become saturated or dirty etc. So this wasn’t legally justified as far as I can see. It might be worth you asking for extra training around the mental capacity act if you intend to stay on this career path.

FireflyRainbow · 18/03/2021 20:26

I couldn't do it OP, looking after multiple people who need a high level of support would be the worst job I could imagine.

Heartofglass12345 · 18/03/2021 20:27

They shouldn't have favourite either, and how do you explain when people take money out of their purses for food they have taken? If someone takes your food because you've left it, it's your own fault if you know they are likely to do it.
Sorry if I sound harsh, but I was a learning disabilities nurse for years and this is definitely not acceptable.
It is much easier for you and the other staff to change your behaviour, than expect someone with a learning disability or autism to change theirs

Original poster
Dragisnotacontactsport · 18/03/2021 20:28

I didn't grab her at all and wouldn't, I gently held the wrist she had them in and took one back.
She took the only ones we had, there weren't spares that I could see.

OP posts:
FireflyRainbow · 18/03/2021 20:28

I didn't even clean my kids shitty vests when nappies leaked I just binned them and brought loads of new cheap ones 🙈 yes I know that's bad of me before you all start.

Original poster
Dragisnotacontactsport · 18/03/2021 20:29

I wasn't aware about the food thing, we had a service user who would go through people's bags and take their food so it wasn't like they left it lying around, I don't think it was really their fault. We shouldn't have to have food stolen at work.

OP posts:
Northernsoullover · 18/03/2021 20:31

@FireflyRainbow

I didn't even clean my kids shitty vests when nappies leaked I just binned them and brought loads of new cheap ones 🙈 yes I know that's bad of me before you all start.
Oh yes! We'd say 'I think that's one for the bin'
Heartofglass12345 · 18/03/2021 20:32

It needs to be brought up with someone more senior that you need somewhere safe to store your things.

Squellyolwelly · 18/03/2021 20:35

Holding a wrist is still a form of restraint.

You said you have a staff room under the stairs for sleep ins, this should have a door with a lock ideally so any staff food/bags etc can be kept safe locked away as well as spare Ppe and confidential documentation.

As for your colleagues charging one service user and not another, that could be deemed financial abuse.

DenisetheMenace · 18/03/2021 20:36

Probably not the job for you. Your clients are not going to change so you’ll have to, or realise you need to follow a different path.

I say that with sympathy. I couldn’t do it and would have no shame at all in recognising it.

Takes a very particular kind of compassion to do that job. Compassion coupled with steel and practicality and I don’t have all of those attributes.

Savethewhales · 18/03/2021 20:37

@Heartofglass12345

It needs to be brought up with someone more senior that you need somewhere safe to store your things.
A man went into out staff room and urinated on my belongings, I was upset and very annoyed at him, but wasn't for long though kept a close eye on him afterwards
Squellyolwelly · 18/03/2021 20:38

*on the finance front, it would of course depend on company policy and individual care plans and agreements made with the individual/social care teams etc

GraduallyWatermelon · 18/03/2021 20:38

Honestly, as someone who works in the sector I really would suggest you ask your employer for some further training in learning disabilities and autism.

The people you care for need looking after - a learning disability affects the way someone learns new things, so there are some skills (like flushing the loo, washing hands, appropriate social interaction) so they need someone to help them.

Grabbing someone is never ever acceptable - if I had seen this happen I would have reported it to your manager immediately as a safeguarding concern and they likely would have suspended you. Depending on the person you grabbed and the situation, I would have considered phoning the police - it could be considered assault.

If you aren't motivated to have further training, I really would urge you to reconsider - care is not for everyone.

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