To find care work hard

[Dragisnotacontactsport]

Maybe I'm just not warm enough. I do enjoy the job, I look after people with learning difficulties and autism in their teens and 20s. They are very sweet and it's great to work with them.

However there are some things I'm finding tough. I know it isn't their fault at all and that we are here to support them.

I am sick of having to constantly flush faeces down the toilet. One of the ladies never flushes the toilet, she seems to have understanding of other things, I have tried to show her to flush it several times but she never does.

The same lady also never washes her hands, I put sanitiser on her several times a day but sadly can't be there every time she's used the toilet. Her hands smell of faeces, she will then touch me, she has touched my food and my face mask with them. Once or twice I've been eating and the door rang or something, I came back and she had eaten my food.
I really sometimes think I must be horrible as I don't seem to react in the same way as my colleagues, they really fuss over one lady in particular and constantly tend to her like servants.
I care about them and try to support them but I don't pamper and pander to them with a constant stream of snacks throughout the day.
I don't like to have favourites either but it's evident here.

I will probably get flamed for this, I do like the job and I want to support them, I just find these elements hard. I don't have children or anything so maybe I have less experience with this sort of thing.
Anyone else ever felt this way? I hope I don't sound horrible, I think I am a caring person and want to help them.

Children and young adults have been someone babies x they are
People with feelings and thoughts and when in the right environment can enjoy life and to be part and share a part of their life can be a magical thing x

It cab also be both mentally and physically tiring caring for people with learning needs
However you are
Paid to be caring supportive and be there for those you are caring for. Try and look at the individual at their functioning level and not age, try and think what if that was my relative.

@Kattenzz

Bless you all, you're amazing for doing care work. I couldn't do this in a million years.

Posts like this really upset me. Care work is hard and not everyone is capable of it. That doesn't mean that we should be grateful to anyone willing to put up with it. The bar should be SO much higher than that. Providing basic care and not abusing the people they care for is not enough. Disabled people deserve better. They deserve to be cared for by people who care about them, understand their needs and will support them at their level of ability, even when their behaviour is challenging.

I only wish carers were paid in line with the skills it actually takes to do the job. It is too often seen as unskilled work.

OP at the very least you need training but it really doesn't sound like your heart is in the job.

I'm afraid your understanding of the people you are there caring for is so dense it is shocking but sadly not unusual. If a resident needs help with toilets, flushing, hand washing its part of the job. Bags and personal food should be locked away so they can't be accessed.

Training, compassion, and some common sense may help. I've been around special needs all my life and your description of the way things are wherever you work are very worrying and not acceptable.

Wrong job I suspect.

I looked after my mum when she was slowly dying from dementia and my dad and I couldn't cope and she ended up going to a home. It was the falls I couldn't deal with so heart breaking.. I have massive massive massive respect for carers and I can understand some of the things that you find frustrating.. Your heart really has to be in it.. I think you need to have the ability to maintain the same level of patience for everyone irrespective of your gripes with them. It isn't her fault she doesn't understand.

It is definitely really hard. I briefly did some care work, I didnt find elderly care all that challenging, the elderly residents were lovely and didnt mind dealing with some of the less pleasant aspects. (I was only there 6 weeks) but I appreciate that I may have just had a very easy time there.

I then briefly worked in a care home for adults with challenging behaviours/ learning disabilities. Sorry if this story offends. There was a woman who had refused to wash for weeks, had not been wiping after using the loo and had a menstrual cycle that was going uncleaned. I was very young at the time and I dont remember the particular law around this but basically as it had become a heath issue we had to clean her. It was distressing persuading her to get undressed but the smell when she removed her pants physically knocked me sick, afterwards I vomited in the toilet and for days I was disgusted and kept heaving. I remember though feeling so guilty that I felt so sick, kept thinking this is someones sister or someones daughter and its so offensive that I feel sick at the thought of someone in such a vulnerable situation. - But I guess these stories should be told, as people need to appreciate the many ways care work can be challenging to appreciate the role these people do.

Care work is hard. Your post made me wonder if it's the right choice for you as you don't seem to enjoy it.

I do think you need to take responsibility for things like leaving your food somewhere it may be eaten - I was worried about your comment earlier about taking money out of your client's purses when this happens, you really can't do that.

It's really tough Op . I did it for many years and it gets you down . The pay is rubbish and working with adults with learning disabilities ,although rewarding at times ,can be dirty ,unpleasant work. Don't be too hard on yourself . Do you get decent supervision sessions with your Senior ?

No woman should be in the state the poster Megsrottj describes. There is usually something which needs to be understood in order to remedy the resistance- a fear or sensory need or upset. I find that very upsetting . It’s the same with dressing. I agree that the clients should only be made to wear clothes they are comfortable with - there can be many issues with fabrics being distressing. However The poster who suggests they are left undressed- as young adults non a mixed setting is unreasonable .

Personally I think the job sounds horrendous and in my mind the hardest type of care. I think you sound like you could actually be very good at it with some more experience and/or training. If not there are other areas of care to move in to with the valuable experience you are getting.

Think you are in the wrong job to be honest and can we please stop the term 'service users' it's awful.

@Winter2020 spot on !!

It sounds like a really horrible workplace. You should have a place to store bags and food where they aren't going to be tampered with. I get that care work is hard work at the best of times but to not even be able to keep food and belongings secure would just add to the stress.

This is a problem at the moment.

I work in a residential unit for adults with severe physical and learning disabilities.

There are lots of care vacancies and lots of people out of work. We are getting lots of people who are completely unsuitable for care, who lack compassion and empathy and are only doing it because they can’t find work elsewhere. It’s very hard to train empathy into somebody, if the clients frustrate them and annoy them there’s not much you can do about it.

OP, it’s a hard job and it doesn’t get easier. The first few months are when people are normally most tolerant of difficult behaviours. I can’t see you being happy in the role long term. Which is fine, I could never ever work with kids as I find them whiny and grimy and they annoy the fuck out of me (my own and a few close relatives are the exception!) so I wouldn’t get a job in a school.

Life’s too short and work is a big part of it. You are probably working towards the care certificate? I would complete that as quickly as you can and then look for work in a less demanding home. One of those nice fancy ones that are like hotels for the over 65s and cost ££££, hopefully you’ll be looking after rich old folk who wouldn’t dream of leaving the loo unflushed or nabbing your lunch!

It's not for everyone. Why not work in a field you enjoy more? It's bound to better paid too.

You have a responsibility to safeguard the people in your care. Your colleagues are stealing from them. Stop thinking about yourself and act responsibly - it is immoral to see abuse and do nothing about it. If you won’t report it to senior managers then contact the local council and make an anonymous report to the adult safeguarding team.

@lollipoprainbow

Think you are in the wrong job to be honest and can we please stop the term 'service users' it's awful.

This is what I find most company's call them? 🤷🏻‍♂️

Dragisnotacontactsport
I am sorry but your reaction to some of these things is not on. The lady who grabbed your mask is not deliberately trying to contaminate it or steal it. The people you care for sound very vulnerable and probably do not have the understanding or ability to do the socially acceptable thing. Holding her wrist and insisting on the mask being returned was not on. You need training in deescalation and need to think about what is important. Presumably the care home provides ppe. You would help the client wash her hands kindly and get another mask.

It's a really hard job. It is not for everyone. There's no shame in not being cut out for it. But OP it does sound to me like you should not be in this line of work. I couldn't do it as a job either but it is really important to understand why you can't take money out of a service user's purse, even if they have eaten your food, and why holding their wrist to get something back that isn't putting them or you in immediate risk of danger is not OK. I don't think you sound hugely interested in those things and that doesn't make you a bad person - but it does make you fundamentally unsuited for care work.

I was a senior carer for 5 years and ran a dementia and nursing floor. Hardest work of my life and id never do it again. It broke my heart everyday and as staff we were treated appallingly. I was paid after tax around £890 a month for 42 hours, mostly of 8-8 shifts. This was in 2011 when I started. I was also expected to work alone when pregnant on 12 hour shifts, and I developed such severe swelling I was made to take early maternity at only 28 weeks as I was at such high risk of pre eclampsia. If you don't learn to love the people you're caring for it's honestly just not worth it. And there's no shame in that! I'd have been long gone If I didn't care for my residents like family. It's not for everyone and that's more than fair. You absolutely don't need to feel bad about the way you're feeling x

I don't think the OP said she had taken money herself, she said she had witnessed colleagues doing it and didn't know if it was allowed or not.

@Dragisnotacontactsport

Sorry to hear you went through those things, it sounds like you really tried hard and I can understand it was too much.

I think I'm just like that in general, the same with children, I'm caring but I've never been one to make a huge fuss and so on.

One of the ladies grabbed all the masks from the packet we had and then touched them with dirty hands so obviously we couldn't wear them anymore. We had another service user and if she ate staff food they would take the money out of her purse for it. With this other one, they just laugh and say oh isn't she cute. It's just favouritism again.

No the Op didn’t think it was wrong to take money from one person.

She thought it was wrong not to take it from another because favouritism was her concern. Not theft.

With instincts like that care work isn’t the right place for Op. All staff should understand right from wrong without being unclear. How could anyone think it’s ok to take clients money?

People telling OP ‘why are you in care?’ or to get another job are missing the point a bit that there really aren’t a lot of options currently for jobs that don’t require qualifications. People are taking care jobs because they’re desperate. It’s a major problem with the sector as care shouldn’t be seen and portrayed as something anyone can do, but it’s not OP’s fault.

FWIW I think OP obviously needs more training but I don’t think she sounds like a bad or abusive carer in any way.

@RoseLimeade

People telling OP ‘why are you in care?’ or to get another job are missing the point a bit that there really aren’t a lot of options currently for jobs that don’t require qualifications. People are taking care jobs because they’re desperate. It’s a major problem with the sector as care shouldn’t be seen and portrayed as something anyone can do, but it’s not OP’s fault.

FWIW I think OP obviously needs more training but I don’t think she sounds like a bad or abusive carer in any way.

I agree that most of the issues Op has mentioned could be resolved with proper training.

But I struggle with the idea of anyone working in care if their response to other staff taking money from one clients purse and not another is to think it’s favouritism towards the one who wasn’t victimised. That isn’t about being a carer. If staff in any other setting - shops, hairdressers, taxis - helped to themselves to money from the purses of vulnerable people to account for things they have judged they are owed (ie not for the actual service that person offers) I would hope all people would call the police even if they had no training at all.

Why is this different?

They are usually referred to as 'service users' as a collective group, as they are being provided a service.
It would do a lot of support workers good to try and remember they are providing a service, they should be doing what the people they support want and what is best for them, and treating them with respect.

I might just be being cynical, but I worked in the field for a long time and have seen/ heard about some shocking treatment of very vulnerable people.

If you don't learn to love the people you're caring for it's honestly just not worth it.

^^ couldn't agree more. I support one young lady who lives in her family home. She is absolutely adored by her family. Her home and hygiene is spotless. She has severe complex needs, yet we joke with her mum that she's going to live until she's 100 because of how well cared for she is. I'll happily go above and beyond for her and her family. Can't say that about other care jobs I've had. She'll have me as a carer as long as she needs a carer.