To find care work hard

[Dragisnotacontactsport]

Maybe I'm just not warm enough. I do enjoy the job, I look after people with learning difficulties and autism in their teens and 20s. They are very sweet and it's great to work with them.

However there are some things I'm finding tough. I know it isn't their fault at all and that we are here to support them.

I am sick of having to constantly flush faeces down the toilet. One of the ladies never flushes the toilet, she seems to have understanding of other things, I have tried to show her to flush it several times but she never does.

The same lady also never washes her hands, I put sanitiser on her several times a day but sadly can't be there every time she's used the toilet. Her hands smell of faeces, she will then touch me, she has touched my food and my face mask with them. Once or twice I've been eating and the door rang or something, I came back and she had eaten my food.
I really sometimes think I must be horrible as I don't seem to react in the same way as my colleagues, they really fuss over one lady in particular and constantly tend to her like servants.
I care about them and try to support them but I don't pamper and pander to them with a constant stream of snacks throughout the day.
I don't like to have favourites either but it's evident here.

I will probably get flamed for this, I do like the job and I want to support them, I just find these elements hard. I don't have children or anything so maybe I have less experience with this sort of thing.
Anyone else ever felt this way? I hope I don't sound horrible, I think I am a caring person and want to help them.

@LucieStar yes PBS is great. I supported a man with autism who had a really good PBS plan. He was obsessed with food and asked for it constantly, and one of his triggers was people saying no to him, so we would say things like 'soon' or 'later on' and try and distract him, which was all in his PBS plan.
@Winter2020 I feel the same as you, I'm currently working as a covid contact advisor and I spend all day in front of a computer screen and phoning people. I'm not loving it lol, it's the first job like this I've ever done, I've always worked in care.

Change jobs if you can. I worked with people with learning difficulties, CP etc. For a brief while. It was the teeth grinding that got me, it drove me insane. It all just seemed so grindingly boring and pointless. This was years ago, and I now work in general nursing. Don’t feel guilty, this work isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.

@Runmybathforme good to know you think helping people with learning disabilities is pointless

@Dragisnotacontactsport, I'm in retail and there's parts of that I hate. You don't have to love it all. It sounds to me like you do a really great job.

@Runmybathforme

Change jobs if you can. I worked with people with learning difficulties, CP etc. For a brief while. It was the teeth grinding that got me, it drove me insane. It all just seemed so grindingly boring and pointless. This was years ago, and I now work in general nursing. Don’t feel guilty, this work isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.

Bloody hell. Hope you have more compassion in nursing.

In fairness, the care agency OP works for sounds pretty shoddy. Lack of training, lack of follow up on issues, poor/ no supervision, no encouragement to seek advice or reflect, etc. It doesn’t sound like OP has been able to access care plans, PEN portraits or discuss approaches or anything else.

Care work isn’t about going in, checking “they” are alive, getting “them” to be compliant and leaving again. You should be aiming to measurably develop skills in the people you care for, improve their independence skills, and above all enable them to have a satisfying life. This takes much longer, is much harder, and more meaningful than the “keep them alive and compliant” approach that the worst care agencies take.

I care for my adult daughter with severe learning disabilities, which often involves dealing with human waste products and other similar tasks. She will also help herself to unguarded food.

You refer to the people you care for with a degree of underlying revulsion and state they are 'stealing' your food. This implies malicious intent which is unlikely to be the case. Knowing my daughter would be grabbed and retched over makes me really reluctant to place her into any kind of care home in the future. I know it isn't an easy job, but staff training and rewards need to be hugely improved so that vulnerable adults are not placed in risky environments where they are viewed as disgusting 🙁.

I couldn't do care work, I did nursing for 25 years but now if you're a qualified nurse you do supervisory, admin and drugs. We did everything when I first started in the 70's and it wore me out.
I trained to be a podiatrist later on in life because you get to a point where you physically and mentally cannot do it anymore.

@SummerWillow OPs comments have really concerned me. These sorts of attitudes wouldn’t be seen if you were visiting somewhere for a look. They could easily go under the radar and a place could seem nice and friendly but underneath care staff have these sorts of attitudes. It’s a real worry.

@Runmybathforme shame on you

How depressing is it when a nurse says looking after the vulnerable is pointless

I couldn't hack it. Not because I didn't care for the service users but because I cared too much. I was bitched about and sneered at for spending my breaks sitting and chatting with distressed residents with dementia. The other staff were pretty much hardened to it all and behaved like prison officers.
It's a really hard job. Physically and emotionally and I believe it should be better paid and have higher qualification requirements.

yes it should be better paid with higher qualification requirements but the harsh truth is we do not have the resources or the will to properly care for all of the the elderly people that we are keeping alive with our amazing medical science
Everyone wants scientific breakthroughs ....no one wants to clear up shit and deal with difficult people for hardly any money or thanks ☹️

Op i worked in ald with autism and very challenging behaviour as a team leader for a long time .The reason i left to return to community care was because i was always at work and it impacted on my family but i loved the job .I don"t think you sound hard at all i think you would benefit from some in depth autism training .
Without the training it can be hard to understand behaviours but once you understand behaviours and the triggers that set them off it gives you that clearer understanding.

You should not have got hold of the ladies wrist that is a no no .Unless she was at risk of harm but again that is not your fault you should have the correct training on how to deal with a situation like this .It could be classed as safeguarding it would go on the circumstances as restraint has to be the least restrictive and for as short time as possible and always justifiable not just to stop someone doing something because it for example you took an individual out and they lack the capacity to know if they ran out into the road they could come to harm then if you were to actually stop them it would be justifiable but you should receive the correct training ours was mappa .The masks are ppe they should be out of the individuals way in a locked cupboard and then this would not have happened not a dig at you op your manager should be doing this .

The staff taking money out of service users purse for eating their food this is absolutely financial abuse of a vunerable adult this needs to stop .Report this to your manager they must report this to County safeguarding and the police .If they dont you must .If the food is left where the person can get it that is their bad practice not the service users fault if it is a known behaviour they do this then they are enabling the behaviour makes me think they are doing it so to take her money so wrong .

Op you really do sound like you do want to try and it sounds like an awful place to work ,lack of training and staff that steal .They need a cqc inspection .

@Runmybathforme

Change jobs if you can. I worked with people with learning difficulties, CP etc. For a brief while. It was the teeth grinding that got me, it drove me insane. It all just seemed so grindingly boring and pointless. This was years ago, and I now work in general nursing. Don’t feel guilty, this work isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.

Wow i am sure their families would really be upset to hear someone and a nurse at that call their loved ones grindingly boring and pointless .Now you are in general nursing takes lot to make me speechless but your comment did just wow .

It sounds incredibly hard. I couldn’t do it for a minute.

I did find comparable aspects of child care surprising hard too, and that was with my own children!

I agree this should be a much higher paid job, and come with substantial training leading to qualifications.

I’d much prefer to go into a traditionally male job that doesn’t require academic qualifications - being a builder or labourer out in the open air with breaks and people arguing about how many cups of tea you should be given would be so much nicer!

OP you don't have to force yourself to like this role. It sounds like you want us to tell you how to cope but you're not stuck there forever if you don't want to be. You don't need to get qualifications or do special training to have a good job you enjoy, contrary to what a pp intimated.

Sorry but if people really want to be carers that's great. If they don't it can't then that's great too. There's thousands of jobs in the world and they don't all involve murdering small children and they don't all make you a heartless bitch contributing nothing to society.

Not being cut out for a very tough and badly paid job doesn't make you lesser. Having a non carer job which enables you to have some financial freedom doesnt make you a bad person. Life isn't a competition as to who can put up with the most shit therefore is the most virtuous. Some people are good at this and find it rewarding but most are not.

There's a million careers on the world apart from carer/teacher/nurse.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing you have hit the nail on the head! Plumbers make a fortune and are in short supply too.

I used to do IT sales. At the higher level it's 6 figures, being treated really well, lots of fun trips and nights out and just generally pretty worth it. I don't even have a degree I might add. It's all about relationships and solving problems.

Working with men was good too. They are pretty easy and like a laugh. They don't tend to tut and judge and know how to work in a team and have each other's backs. They can be dicks but easily shut down ones. Not running to HR every 5 seconds. Men's jobs are well paid, don't usually include much scut work, and are fun with progression options. Because that's what men want and they won't do jobs that aren't.

Hell being a bin (wo)man would be more fun than being a carer for me! And a lot better money!

I think we should encourage children to think “what would suit me” rather than “what work is traditionally done by my sex”. Then we wouldn’t end up with people doing jobs they really aren’t suited to as much!

@Runmybathforme

Ignore the pious judgemental comments. So many people lack insight and self awareness.

Care work is a wide field and people migrate to specialisms best suited to their temperament and where they get some sense of reward. Nothing shameful about recognising that caring for people who aren’t actually unwell and so will never ‘get better’ is demotivating for some people. Those same people can make excellent surgical nurses or intensive care nurses.

There’s a sock for every shoe.

Shame on everyone criticising you. Am guessing none have ever actually done care work or they have and are totally lacking in self awareness about what their rewards are. Instead they just think they are ‘good’ propel which, of course, is poppycock. People act out of self interest including those doing care work.

[quote Heartofglass12345]@Runmybathforme good to know you think helping people with learning disabilities is pointless [/quote]
I didn’t say that did I ? I said it seemed that way. That was how I felt, still delivered great care, don’t judge the way others feel, not everyone is suited to this kind of work.

We are judging you for a heartless and thoughtless comment and then lack of compassion that you would write this on a public forum where there are parents of children with those disabilities. Do you really not see that. It is honestly gobsmacking that as a nurse you would have such a lack of insight

@Teenageromance

We are judging you for a heartless and thoughtless comment and then lack of compassion that you would write this on a public forum where there are parents of children with those disabilities. Do you really not see that. It is honestly gobsmacking that as a nurse you would have such a lack of insight

We are on a thread discussing the challenges of being a care worker.

Can we centre the care workers in this discussion? How selfish of parents to make it all about them and their children. If you want a thread that doesn’t upset you, don’t read one about the real life challenges of working in the care sector. Staff work hard to ensure that whether they are having a good day or a bad day or regretting their choice of job and looking to move, the clients - and their families - don’t see it. Isn’t that enough? Or are you determined to silence anyone who might hurt your feelings?

Honestly. Selfish beyond belief.

Sorry OP this type of caring is not for you. If you cannot cope with ALL aspects of the role then get out now. I did caring and only liked some parts of it so I got out.