Does this piss you off or AIBU?

[Besswess88]

Today in a shop I dropped something out of my pocket at the self service, I knew I had but before I had a chance to pick it up a kindly man behind me said “you’ve dropped your card darlin” (my age, mid forties).

I know in the scheme of things it’s not important but anyone else absolutely hate being called “terms of endearment” by absolute strangers, esp when they are men.

It’s that low level misogyny that just grates on me.

I think he showed bad manners, OP.

DH and I were in a spa just before lockdown 3.0 and were in a jacuzzi with an elderly man and (I assume) his wife. The elderly man was taking some time to step out of the jacuzzi and DH wondered if he should help and I suggested he wait to see if the man can or wants to do it by himself, or call for help (as he may not want to be touched by a stranger during a pandemic).

We waited a couple of more minutes and the elderly man could still not get out so DH asked ‘could I help you get out, sir’, to which the man responded yes.

They were very appreciative, but I think if DH had said ‘I’ll help you get out’ as soon as the elderly man stood up, that would have been very rude.

@iklboo

The woman in the corner shop near my folks used to call everybody 'cock'. As you left the shop she'd shout 'see yer, cock'. I bloody hope she couldn't! I'm a woman.

hahaa I actually love this, so funny 🤣😂

No, in that context I don’t mind it at all. I’m northern and have been known to do it myself, it’s quite usual up here where people are naturally more friendly and chatty. We smile, raise our eyebrows, say good morning or ask if someone is alright as a greeting even if we don’t know them and no one seems to take offence . I’d be delighted if someone saved me from potentially losing my card.

Sometimes if I'm in a mood it annoys me but I'm guessing it more me than them I think I would find it too exhausting to get annoyed most of the time as it literally happens all the time. People I think are just trying to be friendly even though it can be annoying at times I admit.

I am actually from the south west where everyone did call you “my lover” which didn’t really bother me as is a regional thing.

I now live somewhere where everyone says “my lovely” which is also fine but I do just hate being called darlin’ by strangers.

I think it does go back to being cat called by white can man etc A LOT throughout my life.

Which has stopped now, either because I am too old or people are more aware or both.

How can it be misogyny when as many women as men, if not more, use words of endearment for strangers, the number of times I get called love or darling a day must be hundreds.

If some random bloke gave me a wink & nod and said alright darling walking down the street out the blue I'd think wtf

A nice man says it when pointing out I've dropped my card I'm thinking what a nice chap he is

In any two way conversation/interaction not the least bit bothered

What on earth are you on about.

Cock I don't know how a cock became a term of endearment I mean what is it about cocks that someone decided it was a sweet pet name for someone?!

@Besswess88

I am actually from the south west where everyone did call you “my lover” which didn’t really bother me as is a regional thing.

I now live somewhere where everyone says “my lovely” which is also fine but I do just hate being called darlin’ by strangers.

I think it does go back to being cat called by white can man etc A LOT throughout my life.

Which has stopped now, either because I am too old or people are more aware or both.

My lover haha

Some people are just desperate to be offended.

❄️

Thank him for picking up your card and move on. You’re looking for an issue when there really isn’t one

It's a bit like 'talking about the weather' to break the ice. It indicates that they mean you no ill intent. Be grateful!

@Unisexnames he didn’t pick the card though. 🙄 He was useless.

@dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby

It's a bit like 'talking about the weather' to break the ice. It indicates that they mean you no ill intent. Be grateful!

Be grateful that a man means us no ill intend? Ye Gods 🙄

Did you say: "don't call me darling " like Captain Darling from Blackadder?

@Homehaircuts

Cock I don't know how a cock became a term of endearment I mean what is it about cocks that someone decided it was a sweet pet name for someone?!

When I was growing up there was a man on our street who called everyone "Cocker" as in "'Ey up Cocker!" If I had thought about it, which I havent until now, I would assume it came from that. The alternative, frankly, doesnt bear thinking about :o

@CoffeeRunner

Where I’m from everybody calls you “bab”.

That grates far more TBH.

Midlander?

It is only misogyny if it indicates a degree of contempt for the woman. PLEASE do not come to the southern part of the USA, where both men and women routinely call everydamnedbody by some term of endearment. We do it as naturally as we breathe...and we know instantly by facial expressions and tone of voice when it is used in a derogatory manner. And call people on it.

.

WEST Midlander! My formers boss's mum used to call everyone "bab" and she was from the west country side of Birmingham.

East Midlands is "Me Duck" :o

[quote Cassilis]@Unisexnames he didn’t pick the card though. 🙄 He was useless.[/quote]
Good Lord if d picked it up he'd be lambasted for trying to give her covid as well as being a misogynistic dick

Oh I like ‘bab’. It’s how I know I’m home.

@PyongyangKipperbang

WEST Midlander! My formers boss's mum used to call everyone "bab" and she was from the west country side of Birmingham.

East Midlands is "Me Duck" :o

Yes sorry I forget there's an East to my lands 🤣. In fact is say bab is Black Country, not just W Mids