Does this piss you off or AIBU?

[Besswess88]

Today in a shop I dropped something out of my pocket at the self service, I knew I had but before I had a chance to pick it up a kindly man behind me said “you’ve dropped your card darlin” (my age, mid forties).

I know in the scheme of things it’s not important but anyone else absolutely hate being called “terms of endearment” by absolute strangers, esp when they are men.

It’s that low level misogyny that just grates on me.

the polite thing to do is to wait and see if the person picks it up themselves

Really? Why?

I personally hate being called "love".
But I don't think it's misogynistic in the slightest. It just annoys me.

No the fella was being helpful, nothing wrong with 'darling' in this situation.

Oh bloody hell chop his dick off isnt he terrible.. ffs
You need to get over yourself. Now.. am i being misogynistic?!!

Where I’m from everybody calls you “bab”.

That grates far more TBH.

Using a term of endearment is, by definition, intended to be a positive so in no way are they inherently misogynistic. However, as with anything the context and tone is important.

I live in NW England so everyone is love/honey/darling/sweetheart/lovely/pet /mate/buddy etc and nobody cares unless it is used in a context/tone which clearly indicates that it is meant condescendingly/negatively.

"You've dropped your card there, love" = totally non offensive

"You alright hun?" = if said with a patronising tone is totally rude/offensive

YAB really U.

Out of interest, would you have been bothered if he had called you mate / pal?

I may be being a bit stupid but which part is woman hating rather than just using a term of endearment that someone doesn't like

I think it is nice. It's a friendly/warm way of address.

I understand what you mean, but think it depends on context and tone. A builder, who can't have been more than 20, greeted me when I opened the door with all right love? Er no, fuck off you patronising twat.

But when someone has called me love or hen or darling, in a maternal or paternal way, with nothing but gentleness or sincerity, I've really liked it.

I work in the theatre , and everyone is called ‘sweetie’ ‘lovely’ ‘darling’ etc .We all know it’s really a cover for the fact that names are often forgotten with transient colleagues . However when I was younger I used to delight in one-upping men who called me ‘darling’ by responding ‘thank you baby-cakes ‘ or similar

If it’s misogynistic why does it bother you the most when young women do it, rather than men?

Well I’m in a minority because I don’t like being called terms of endearment by strangest either (regardless of their gender)

Gosh you would hate me! I call everyone darling/hun/love, from the cashier to the nurse and everyone in between. I’m a Londoner, although by the posts above this doesn’t seem to be regional.

I think it's a very endearing part of the way the British talk and love being called sweetheart, darling, love etc by men or women of any age

My cockney Nan called everyone darling/sweetheart and it reminds me of that

I'm sorry am I missing something ? A man was kind to you ? And your complaining?

No I wouldn't be pissed off or start a thread about it.

Bandwagon. You. Get off.

If someone does it in a pervy way, then horrible obviously. But in the circumstances you describe it's fine. Everyone does it where I live, male or female, it's no biggie. I like being called darling, sweetheart etc. We all need some love

So, did you pick up your Card 🤔

Hey OP, where've you gone kid?

All the people disagreeing with you scared you off lad? That's a shame...

The woman in the corner shop near my folks used to call everybody 'cock'. As you left the shop she'd shout 'see yer, cock'. I bloody hope she couldn't! I'm a woman.

YANBU

Only because I prefer crude insults in place of terms of endearment.

I have recently started working in a shop, previously was in pub management (thank you covid....grrr..) and I have always used terms of endearment. At the shop I find myself saying "There you go lovey" when handing stuff over. Dont know why, I just do! In the pubs it was pretty much expected. I do it equally to men and women, and I find it makes a big difference to how positive people rate their experience. I got far more positive reviews than colleagues who would be polite, smiley and friendly but didnt use those terms.