Does this piss you off or AIBU?

[Besswess88]

Today in a shop I dropped something out of my pocket at the self service, I knew I had but before I had a chance to pick it up a kindly man behind me said “you’ve dropped your card darlin” (my age, mid forties).

I know in the scheme of things it’s not important but anyone else absolutely hate being called “terms of endearment” by absolute strangers, esp when they are men.

It’s that low level misogyny that just grates on me.

@Postprandial

I was honked at by a goose once, unbelievable! I wonder who taught it that.

You'll have noticed that I said I learned to stop reacting when cars beeped when I was young due. As in, school age.

Glad you find that amusing

If you like beeping your car horn at lone schoolgirls then laughing/ leering/ shouting when they jump and turn to look then that's your lookout I suppose. It's not illegal so go for it

😂😂😂

For goodness sake, mysogyny is a hatred of women, it's a term used much too freely and wrongly now. This man was not using this term in such a way. Women use the same term along with men where I come from, along with other such terms,
Oh and I am from London, born and bred.

Misogyny is a hatred of woman, nothing that guy did indicates that. If you don’t like strangers calling people darlin that is a specific thing. Buy a dictionary.

[quote TwoLeftSocksWithHoles]@Postprandial

I was honked at by a goose once, unbelievable! I wonder who taught it that.

[/quote]
That filthy animal.

@Nobody2u, I lived and worked in Paris, and worked and hung around with mostly French people. I still have several male French friends. They seemed able to refrain from honking at passing women. Perhaps I should congratulate them.

Laughing at the idea of a schoolgirl being harassed by blokes in a car.

Hahaha.

Ok then.

I don't even know how we got to this ridiculous point of discussion. All I was saying is that someone calling me luv or darlin, whistling or honking a horn does not make me feel agressed. I don't actively seek,promote or condone that kind of behaviour, it's just water of a duck's back.But obviously I can see that I am in a minority. I've never had eggs thrown at me,been followed, or had the kind of comments that some of the people on this thread seem to have suffered as young teenagers which I can understand leaves marks. But I also believe that there is a growing population of women who think that in order to prove that they are equal would almost castrate the male population. A man who stands up when a woman comes into the room,or gives up his seat on public transport, opens a door, or offers to carry something heavy is almost insulted. I'm all for equality, but that doesn't have to mean the end of gallantry. And even if a 'darlin' isn't necessary or even gallant, depending on the age of the person saying it and geographical location in question, it's just a colloquialism and nothing to burst a blood vessel over.

@Nobody2u

I don't even know how we got to this ridiculous point of discussion. All I was saying is that someone calling me luv or darlin, whistling or honking a horn does not make me feel agressed. I don't actively seek,promote or condone that kind of behaviour, it's just water of a duck's back.But obviously I can see that I am in a minority. I've never had eggs thrown at me,been followed, or had the kind of comments that some of the people on this thread seem to have suffered as young teenagers which I can understand leaves marks. But I also believe that there is a growing population of women who think that in order to prove that they are equal would almost castrate the male population. A man who stands up when a woman comes into the room,or gives up his seat on public transport, opens a door, or offers to carry something heavy is almost insulted. I'm all for equality, but that doesn't have to mean the end of gallantry. And even if a 'darlin' isn't necessary or even gallant, depending on the age of the person saying it and geographical location in question, it's just a colloquialism and nothing to burst a blood vessel over.

Again, what is wrong with you?

Honking a horn, whistling, making sexual comments to women and girls is harassment.

You're now talking about women wanting to CASTRATE men because they don't want to be sexually harassed.

You're conflating not wanting to be sexually harassed in public with a man opening a door for a woman.

It's not for you or anyone else to tell someone how they should or shouldn't feel. The OP doesn't feel comfortable when men call her darling or love - I don't particularly like it either. You might like men tooting horns and asking you to get out your 'tits' in public, but lots of women don't like it. Young girls don't like it either and there is plenty of sexual harassment for young girls and young women, rather than older women who might give them a talking to. It's not charming or a compliment. It's harassment and when it happens day in, day out, it makes you feel objectified and unsafe.

I get your point but I'd be more grateful that person saved me so much worry, inconvenience and potential financial loss.
Could call me potato head for all I care 😂

I'm old now so don't get many honks although I still get a few because I wear my blonde hair long. Ridiculous that an old woman can't feel safe walking down the street!
This is the problem I've found with the honks....as it is very unnerving, the anxiety starts right then. It ramps up as the idiot in the auto passes by slowly enough to look at you...then the anxiety escalates to the worry that he is going to make a u turn and come back or go round the block to continue the harassment or grab you and stuff you in his trunk..so much for a pleasant walk....
All of this may seem that I'm blowing this way out of proportion, but unless you've had this happen to you there is no way for you to judge....also, forget about trying to handle these idiots by showing that you are a confident female...that just makes them angry and then they really have a reason, they feel, to show you how macho they are..especially if his mates are in the auto....
I think that as I've gotten older, I can somewhat distinguish between a male who is acting in a condescending fashion from one who is genuinely trying to be kind...the tone of voice, mannerism,and picking up on their kind spirit makes all the difference in the world to me as to whether he's being respectful or a sexually motivated pervert.

I had a very tall muscular young Samoan man pass by me in a close area and in the most respectful way he said,
" Excuse me, little mama "
Ordinarily I could have felt unsafe around him because of his size, but I didn't at all because I know that in his culture the males are extremely respectful to their mamas and female family members.
That said, I probably wouldn't have been offended by the man saying darlin' if I were the OP, but it was her he said it to, not me, so who am I to judge how it made her feel.

@NiceGerbil

Laughing at the idea of a schoolgirl being harassed by blokes in a car.

Hahaha.

Ok then.

laugh all you want It makes you part of the problem I mean, we had laws enacted here to ban catcalling but hey, never happens yeah....

It makes me part of the problem how!

You mean the problem of men harassing women and girls or the 'problem' of women and girls over-reacting?

What laws to ban catcalling? Is it illegal now? I'd be surprised as they only just made up skirting a crime.

And if you don't believe it happened that's your look out. It was common here when I was growing up.

I think there has been a misunderstanding Gerbil and Ineedcoffee. I think you’re on the same page.

@Ineedcoffee2021, you are misinterpreting @NiceGerbil’s post — she was responding to @Nobody2u’s laughing emojis which were posted in response to her own account of street harassment when she was a schoolgirl, and drawing attention to the fact that @Nobody2u appeared to find this funny.

Get a life I say darling to men and women miss me bugger

Zombie