To confidently proclaim that it's not my fault I'm fat?

[itsnotmyfaultimfat]

I am 31 years old. I have always been fat. I can think of little I've wanted more, than to no longer be fat. I am an expert on how to lose weight.

You name it, I know about it, and not just superficially either. Low carb, intermittent fasting, calorie counting, overcoming binge eating techniques. I have read the books, I have reviewed the scientific literature, explored the evidence base, tried to put it all into action. Yet I am still fat.

I love food. I have loved food ever since I can remember. I always wanted seconds. I did not grow up in an obesogenic environment. All my siblings are a normal weight. My parents gave us healthy food. I just wanted a bigger portion, and I wanted seconds, and I wanted snacks in between meals, you get the idea.

Surely, rather than continuously trying to troubleshoot why so many people are overweight/constantly trying to lose weight, it makes sense to accept that like other personality traits, there is a set of people who just like food more than others?

I am convinced that at some point during my genesis, some genes were switched on/off, and this meant that I would be someone with a voracious appetite. This is something that is beyond my control.

If you knew the SHEER effort I put in daily trying to eat healthily, the almost overwhelming disappointment at the end of the day, when I have given in to my cravings, the constant distress I feel trying to ignore the call of the biscuits in the work kitchen...

Fat people are usually seen as weak-willed, but the truth is that a lot of us are constantly fighting. It may come as a shock to people who maintain a healthy weight effortlessly but we are not all just lazy gluttons.

The call of food must be extremely strong and difficult to resist, how else do you explain our continued indulgence even when we know that it leads to us being pretty much vilified and judged by everyone, including ourselves.

Anyway, I have decided that trying to lose weight is a losing battle. I am going to stop beating myself up about it, and accept it. I will obviously keep trying to not let my weight spiral out of control, but this constant trying to lose weight, I have had enough.

Ive always been slim, healthy weight.
Zero effort in that I eat and drink what I want but am on my feet all day at work and can easily walk over 20k steps on a shift.
I started getting fat, bmi 24 when I was furloughed and got lazy and carried on eating the same.
I need to move to be slim but its not effort in normal times, I also love food.
Ive been intermittent fasting since new year, I've not weighed myself but I've lost 4 inches off my waist so far and the rest will come off once I'm back to work.
I like fasting because you can eat what you want no weighing or obsessing about food.
Obviously if you eat more calories than you burn it wont work for weight loss but it has health benefits besides weight control also.

I eat around a half of what I’d really like to eat. I’m never full and often hungry, but I drink lots of water and tea to distract myself. I exercise regularly. I simply prefer how I feel when I’m slim - more energy, less sluggish - so I don’t give in to my appetite. Obviously, it’s up to you, but many slim people work at being slim.

The only reason people are fat is because they eat too much and exercise too little (in a purely mathematical sense). If you are genuinely happy with the way you are then crack on but the fact you want to justify it to strangers on the internet suggests you are not.

OP you'll get a lot of people saying actually it is your fault, you're emotionally eating, your genetics are fine blah blah blah all assumptions.

The best thing I ever did was just accept this is how I am. It's been 2 years now and I've not even sniffed at a diet or done anything I don't want to do. Am I fat? Yes. I'm also happier than I can ever remember being.

Dieting is crap, restriction is crap. You're not going to wish you dieted more when you're on your deathbed so just stop thinking about it and get on with life.

too that is NOT the only reason people are fat 🙄
Either offer some factual helpful advice or don’t bother 🙄

Dieting is crap, restriction is crap. You're not going to wish you dieted more when you're on your deathbed so just stop thinking about it and get on with life.

But

I was at the point where my lack of "dieting" (so eating what the fuck I wanted - which now I've put a "typical" day in a calorie counter could be 3000 calories and 250g+ carbs) meant my blood pressure was high and my blood sugar was in diabetic levels.

Which could have meant I was on my death bed 20 years early.

So I could in fact have wished I'd dieted.....

I recommend Dr Chattergees new book about weight loss. It's not a diet. He explains the various biological and environmental reasons that can cause obesity and lifestyle changes to address it. I'm two stone overweight following a difficult pregnancy and I'm determined to lose it. His advice is helping.

@StormcloakNord - it's whats crapper for each person though.

To me it was crapper to not fit in any items of clothes from normal shops. To hate what I saw in the mirror. To worry I was going to get diabetes/have a stroke/increase me risk of cancer. Than it was to not snack, or not get a McDonald's.

I agree with you OP that there will be some people who naturally find it harder to control their appetite than others.

There are also some people who naturally find it harder to control their temper than others

And some who find it harder to get up and go to work

And some who find it harder to resist alcohol

And some who find it harder to be on time for things

Etc

Do all these people get to say “it’s just the way I’m made” and give in to how they want to behave? Or should they keep trying, even though it’s harder for them?

What’s the purpose of your post OP?
If it is to get affirmation that it’s fine to continue to put yourself in an early grave, but before which have a number of chronic health conditions which will seriously impact the quality of your life...then knock yourself out, you’ve got that affirmation

Yay.

Cake rules ✊🏻

If it's not your fault you're overweight OP, then it's not anyone else's fault they are either. You have no evidence that you love food any more than the next person. We are all pretty much programmed to seek out highly calorific food and to laze around when possible to conserve energy.

@Blindstupid: Prader Willi Syndrome?

We should stop thinking in terms of ‘fault’. It doesn’t help and turns the conversation into an unnecessarily moralistic one.

Let’s start by acknowledging there are both evolutionary and consumerist drivers of over eating. How can we put strategies in place to counter these? While acknowledging that what works for one person won’t be right for another.

I can completely understand your post, OP. I'm underweight and am an expert on how to gain weight. I know how to, I know what to eat and when I should be doing it. Only if I'm not hungry, I can't just force myself like people tell me to do. Many times I'm not even aware that I haven't ate until the following day and I realise I had nothing the day before.

I have been this way since I was very very young, and I have accepted that I will always be underweight. I just need to manage myself so that I dont spiral downwards to dangerously low weight. Which happens every now and then.

So although opposite ends, it's a very similar battle.

It’s not your fault.

But it is your choice. Your decision. Your body. Your life.

Nobody really cares very much how fat other people are. It’s your own decision, your own consequences to face.

What is “fat” anyway? A bit of extra weight is fine, health wise. Being 600lb may not be so great.

You could give OA a try as it sounds like you have a bit of a blank about what you’re wanting food to give you.

OA is not about weight, it’s about getting support for navigating life while having a strong desire to overeat.

I am an expert on how to lose weight.

Knowing how a plane stays up in the air doesn’t make you a pilot. 🤷🏻‍♀️

The problem I find with almost all overweight people (myself included; I’m not overweight anymore but I was for years) is perfectionism. That “all or nothing” mindset. Either 100% on a diet and in the zone, or totally off a diet, out of control, eating anything. So any time you give in to a craving, you assumed you’ve messed up and then you give up.

This cycle is exhausting and demoralising, and it’s probably why you’ve now decided to give up completely. I get it - the constant feelings of failure are awful.

Manage the perfectionism and the weightloss will become so much easier. Learn to love baby steps.

There are some unkind and moralistic comments on this thread.

Different people do have different base appetite levels for food - just like we have different appetites for thrill rides, intellectual challenge or even sex. It’s partly hormonal. I had an appetite loss for months when I was pregnant and the weight just fell off. I suddenly understood how people could say “I’m just not hungry”.

The idea that some people are “forced” to eat more by biology is obviously wrong - we are all capable of self control and have choices to make about how much we eat. But the idea that for some people that self control is a lot harder than it is for others feels self evidently true. A little human sympathy for people for whom this particular challenge is really tough wouldn’t go amiss.

@SilverRoe

there is a big difference between loving food and loving to eat large quantities of food and the wrong food.

It’s possible to still eat lots of lovely food and lose weight if you learn moderation and how to switch things like the drinks you have and the proportions of food you eat.

Besides isn’t what you mean when you say you love food that you love to eat stuff that’s bad for you? If bloody carrots and broccoli and their ilk were part of your love for food equally with biscuits you’d not have a problem would you?

So I think the way you’re framing is excuse based and incorrect. But if you want to stay overweight and enjoy all the biscuits etc just do it, accept that’s what you want more and don’t lose the inches. Just don’t kid yourself that it’s some sort of predetermined fate.

WTF??

Team Rh.
Take a look on Facebook.
Hope this can help x

[quote TheOldestCat]OP, there’s a lot of unhelpful judging going on here amidst the helpful posts. I really recommend a listen to Giles Yeo on the genetics behind this (though he talks about obesity being multi-factoral). www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000rmp5[/quote]
I was going to post this. OP - have a listen. Turns out that genes do have a strong influence. Not to say it's entirely out of your control, either.

FWIW, I think you sound really nice and good for you being emotionally kind to yourself now. Good luck with keeping on top of things and keeping healthy

It sounds like constant dieting is worse for your mental health than any excess weight is bad for your physical health. Good luck with staying on top of things. Don't judge yourself so harshly. x

They're starting to work out more about genetics and weight problems. There is a gene they've identified which causes a lack of feeling full and a drive to continue to seek sustenance. It's difficult because you can know you've eaten enough but your body is telling you it hasn't.

I'm very aware of what factors are at play regarding my weight. I've been trying to find help for years, because the only thing which worked was developing an eating disorder and over exercising. I'm now in a wheelchair and am not able to exercise sufficiently to make a dent in the weight which has gone on since.
It's a sad thing. It is what it is. I don't think I'll ever die feeling good about myself as a result.

There was an 18th-century philosopher Edmund Burke, who said, “Under the pressure of the cares and sorrows of our mortal condition men have at all times called in some physical aid to their moral consolations.”

In the 18th century there was the gin craze which caused huge problems

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gin_Craze

The victorians took lots of drugs

wellcomecollection.org/articles/W87wthIAACQizfap

When I was a kid in the 70s there were less overweight people but far more smoking. Not great for the NHS.

Now we eat too much

My partner is a woman. I'm relatively slim and my partner is overweight. We eat the same main meals but my partner definitely snacks more, drinks sugary drinks, and thinks about food much more than me. We shop together but often have separate trolleys. When we meet up after, I've got lots of vegetables, rice, fish etc in my trolley and my partner has lots more processed foods. I like crap food for the convenience but I much prefer eating healthier home made foods. Also exercise. I walk to work, and love walking, can never sit still for long, always up and down. My gf loves lounging on the sofa, hates walking, although she does have a physical job. It's difficult for me to understand her preferences and it's just as difficult for her to understand mine. It just goes to show that we are all different and that some people will find it easier to be slim just because the things they like lead to being slim. We are both happy with our weight, although I do worry sometimes about my dp, and make plans for us to exercise more or have less junk food in the house. We never stick to this long though.