To confidently proclaim that it's not my fault I'm fat?

[itsnotmyfaultimfat]

I am 31 years old. I have always been fat. I can think of little I've wanted more, than to no longer be fat. I am an expert on how to lose weight.

You name it, I know about it, and not just superficially either. Low carb, intermittent fasting, calorie counting, overcoming binge eating techniques. I have read the books, I have reviewed the scientific literature, explored the evidence base, tried to put it all into action. Yet I am still fat.

I love food. I have loved food ever since I can remember. I always wanted seconds. I did not grow up in an obesogenic environment. All my siblings are a normal weight. My parents gave us healthy food. I just wanted a bigger portion, and I wanted seconds, and I wanted snacks in between meals, you get the idea.

Surely, rather than continuously trying to troubleshoot why so many people are overweight/constantly trying to lose weight, it makes sense to accept that like other personality traits, there is a set of people who just like food more than others?

I am convinced that at some point during my genesis, some genes were switched on/off, and this meant that I would be someone with a voracious appetite. This is something that is beyond my control.

If you knew the SHEER effort I put in daily trying to eat healthily, the almost overwhelming disappointment at the end of the day, when I have given in to my cravings, the constant distress I feel trying to ignore the call of the biscuits in the work kitchen...

Fat people are usually seen as weak-willed, but the truth is that a lot of us are constantly fighting. It may come as a shock to people who maintain a healthy weight effortlessly but we are not all just lazy gluttons.

The call of food must be extremely strong and difficult to resist, how else do you explain our continued indulgence even when we know that it leads to us being pretty much vilified and judged by everyone, including ourselves.

Anyway, I have decided that trying to lose weight is a losing battle. I am going to stop beating myself up about it, and accept it. I will obviously keep trying to not let my weight spiral out of control, but this constant trying to lose weight, I have had enough.

I remember reading about a group of men during WW2 that were not able to fight and volunteered to take part in a starvation diet/refeeding study. (I think that had 1000 calories daily) It was noted that the men became obsessed with food and that obsession continued after normal life resumed I believe. It could be the very fact that you have tried to restrict severely that creates the insatiable appetite. I totally agree that striving for a moderate lifestyle "non diet" is the way to go in order to recover balance. Good luck OP.

It's alright to be overweight provided you don't let it get out of control and let it spiral. Check out "My 600lb Life" every weekday evening at 8.00 pm on Red Quest.

I remember reading about a group of men during WW2 that were not able to fight and volunteered to take part in a starvation diet/refeeding study. (I think that had 1000 calories daily)

I think I remember reading about this. They also had a really low metabolic rate so it would make sense that overweight people tend to stay overweight due to extreme dieting.

The issue is that you are using weight to evaluate yourself.
You have linked it with being nice, a good personality, desirable traits as a person.
You have also talked about societal expectations.
But the reality is that you have taken those expectations on board yourself. You are judging yourself.
If it helps, I am not judging you. You can be as fat, cuddly, flabby, round, ample, bloated, stocky, full figured whatever as you like, but at the end of the day it is of far more interest whether you are a nice person.
You sound nice enough from your post. Stop giving yourself a hard time, a little self acceptance. Enjoy your food and then thank yourself for being so nice.
If you can do that, just learn to tolerate that you are who you are, then you will feel better about yourself.
Couch psychology? No. Just what I see from your own words.

It's a matter of priorities. You want to be slim but you want that second helping more - no judgement in that statement at all, to my mind, they are just the facts. I'm slim and healthy - I could be slimmer and healthier but I enjoy treats and don't want to be a slave to controlling what I eat, but I do want to be slim more than I want to just eat free abandon and be fat, so I make sure I don't have too many treats too often.

The, same logic applies to everything - people who would like a deposit for a house but don't want to change their spending habits and want that bag or dress, now, for example. It's often a matter of instant gratification and short term vs long term gain in my opinion.

I love food, but I eat a normal sized portion of it, I eat chips, sausages, burgers, love and eat chocolate etc every week and pretty much eat whatever I want - I just don't eat a ton of it (although I can get through a whole packet of biscuits on a really bad day) I go for a walk every day but don't do any other exercise, I'm 8 1/2 stone.

Everyone I know who is overweight eats huge portions. Once you have put on weight it's much harder to lose and keep it off, it's much easier to maintain a healthy weight if you've never been over weight. It's all about portion size though IMO, people have some very wrong ideas about what a normal portion is and when this starts in childhood the chances are it'll be a life long battle. Also people often don't realise it's ok to be hungry sometimes, you don't have to always eat just because you're hungry.

I have been obese and I am now a healthy weight In my experience obesity is a lifestyle choice. I, and I alone, am 100% responsible for what I choose to put in my own mouth. Attempting to blame anyone or anything else is a cop-out.

Nobody over 30 ‘maintains a healthy weight effortlessly’. There are no shortcuts and no easy fixes. It takes commitment, self-discipline and a lot of bloody hard work.

You also don't have to justify being overweight to anyone - even yourself. You will still be the same person regardless of what size you are.

OP, there’s a lot of unhelpful judging going on here amidst the helpful posts. I really recommend a listen to Giles Yeo on the genetics behind this (though he talks about obesity being multi-factoral). www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000rmp5

Lots of things cause addiction; food, alcohol, sex, gambling.

Doing most things to excess is bad for you in some ways and you need to use will-power to stop yourself from doing something which ultimately causes you harm.

I don’t want to say it’s your fault as that sounds judgmental. But I will say it’s in your hands. It’s in nobody else’s. Only you can control what you choose to put in your mouth and how much. There’s nothing wrong with deciding that the effort it takes to lose weight and maintain a healthy weight just isn’t worth the outcome for you though, that’s your choice to make, and one many have made. I’m sure you’re aware of the health risks, but we all do things that are risky at times!

If I ate how I truly wanted to I’d be fat, but for me being slim and liking my appearance and body matters more than than the joy of overeating. Lots of slim people do put effort into remaining that way, though by no means all.

If you're just 'fat' and not 'overweight' do as you please. Otherwise it's your health and your problem..

I recommend anyone struggling with this stuff to have a read of the fatlogic subreddit btw. It’s great for dispelling myths around weight.

I sick of this assumption that slim people:

Don't love food
Starve themselves
Deprive themselves

I do none of those things are neither do any of the slim people I know. I love food, I enjoy every mouthful, I eat a wide variety of food, I don't deprive myself or starve myself. I eat the amount my body needs me to eat to function as it needs to.

Of course it's your fault you are fat. You consume more calories than you burn. It doesn't mean you are lazy - it's very easy to pile on the pounds but making excuses about genetics is just you trying to feel better about yourself. Sorry

Many of the slim people I know eat exactly what they want and do almost no exercise. They just naturally have a smaller appetite.
I've been doing the Fast 800 for the last 2 1/2 weeks and in the last 11 days I have lost the grand total of 150g despite eating 1,000 calories less a day that my body is burning up (according to my fit bit). Yes it's healthy food with a decent amount of protein. Yes I weigh everything. I guess I just carry on but it's fairly demoralising when I've been pretty much continuously hungry for the last 2 and half weeks

Fat people are usually seen as weak-willed, but the truth is that a lot of us are constantly fighting. It may come as a shock to people who maintain a healthy weight effortlessly but we are not all just lazy gluttons.

define "effortlessly".
You could say that winning the "fight" takes more will power than giving in.

You don't suddenly wake up with a smaller appetite, or a bigger one.
It's a bit like smoking: you get addicted, but you need to push through nausea, headaches and the rest to get there.

Over-eating makes you sluggish, uncomfortable, a bit sick, gives you stomach pain. It takes more effort to over-eat than not.

And it's not true that loving food makes you fat. It can be the complete opposite. Like good food, not junk and processed crap.

It's up to you how you manage your lifestyle and habits, that's not the point, but it's a bit lazy to pretend slim people have it easy, whilst others don't. It's easiER to maintain a slim physic than losing weight, it's easiER not to get fat. But it's a choice, your food intake, your level of exercise.

I am right at the top of my healthy BMI range. I wouldn't mind losing half a stone but I don't want it badly enough to go on a diet and restrict myself. I'm pretty tall and a size 12-14 and tbh I'm pretty happy with how I look. That said, I'm 41 and aware that maintaining my weight will be harder the older I get.

I do love food and the thought of being on a permanently restrictive diet depresses me. So I exercise a lot. Luckily it's something I really enjoy and helps me make better food choices. I do have issues with comfort eating but am trying to be more mindful of this and what triggers me.

I believe I'm pretty healthy and honestly, I can't see how my life would vastly improve if I was a size 10? I did actually lose weight after having both my DC and people told me I looked gaunt - I was still well in the upper range of my BMI!

OP I don't think you have said what you weigh but if you feel happy within yourself and you're eating a reasonably balanced diet, then I think you have the right approach. Life really is too short, I'd rather spend it being slightly overweight and eating what I enjoy than thin and miserable!

I'm slim.
I lost four stone in less than a year two years ago.
I love food.
I like being slim more, so I never eat what I really want to eat in the portion sizes I want.
I prefer being slim to fat.
It was entirely down to me that I got overweight, and now I'm not, I would rather control what I eat, and stay slim.
I have friends who are much heavier than me, and are entirely happy with their weight - that's great for them.

It's a personal choice - if you're happy OP, then fine. But it's entirely up to you to either accept it, or change it. No one else can.

The question is, why ask us? No one else is in charge of what you eat, and what shape you are, than you. So own it and be happy with it, or change it, it's your body and your choice.

And I'm well aware that slim people (especially as they get older) work bloody hard to be slim. I respect this, I just know I personally don't have that level of discipline when it comes to food (although weirdly no issues with doing exercise...)

I do and don't agree. I'm fat as well and it is within my control. However do I care? Not really. Being obese isn't healthy, but if you are just a bit overweight, the main "problem" this seems to be causing is that men don't have as pleasant a time when they have to look at you. And I don't gaf about that actually.

there is a set of people who just like food more than others?
Possibly.

This is something that is beyond my control.
No.

I love food, I am a size 8. I could happily go for seconds and thirds and eat chocolate all day, but I don't. I work out and watch what I eat. You could too. I am not judging you for your lack of willpower, but own it as we all know that what you eat definitely is within your control.

I have a couple of friends with a dream body, truly, who are always told how "lucky" they are.

It might be luck, but it might also have something to do with the 3 or 4 hours daily exercise they do. Most of us take the train, they run or cycle. The 10 miles distance from office to home... And go to the gym and do various cross-training on alternate day. They are passionate and don't leave a full time job get in the way of the races and competitions.

But they are constantly told they are so "lucky" to be slim and toned, and eat a seemingly large amount.

The rest of us can't stay in bed until the last minute and complain we don't have time to exercise...

I get it. I adore food, am obsessed with it, want it when I'm happy or sad.. I could easily eat all day every day. The only way I can stop myself becoming obese is to log every last miserable calorie. I force myself to do a bit of exercise and go on virtual slimming world every week for accountability but actually use MFP to calorie count. It take so much effort to maintain a BMI of 25/26 and dress size of 12/14. It makes me miserable but being fat makes me more miserable. Sometimes it all gets too much and I despair. I'll struggle with it until the day I die.

@BronwenFrideswide

I sick of this assumption that slim people:

Don't love food
Starve themselves
Deprive themselves

I do none of those things are neither do any of the slim people I know. I love food, I enjoy every mouthful, I eat a wide variety of food, I don't deprive myself or starve myself. I eat the amount my body needs me to eat to function as it needs to.

Yes, me too. I've never weighed food in my life (apart from when baking) and eat crisps, chips, chocolate, burgers, steaks, cheese, etc.

I adore food - cooking, eating out, takeaway - but I don't eat just because it's a mealtime, and I don't see anything wrong with being hungry.