To confidently proclaim that it's not my fault I'm fat?

[itsnotmyfaultimfat]

I am 31 years old. I have always been fat. I can think of little I've wanted more, than to no longer be fat. I am an expert on how to lose weight.

You name it, I know about it, and not just superficially either. Low carb, intermittent fasting, calorie counting, overcoming binge eating techniques. I have read the books, I have reviewed the scientific literature, explored the evidence base, tried to put it all into action. Yet I am still fat.

I love food. I have loved food ever since I can remember. I always wanted seconds. I did not grow up in an obesogenic environment. All my siblings are a normal weight. My parents gave us healthy food. I just wanted a bigger portion, and I wanted seconds, and I wanted snacks in between meals, you get the idea.

Surely, rather than continuously trying to troubleshoot why so many people are overweight/constantly trying to lose weight, it makes sense to accept that like other personality traits, there is a set of people who just like food more than others?

I am convinced that at some point during my genesis, some genes were switched on/off, and this meant that I would be someone with a voracious appetite. This is something that is beyond my control.

If you knew the SHEER effort I put in daily trying to eat healthily, the almost overwhelming disappointment at the end of the day, when I have given in to my cravings, the constant distress I feel trying to ignore the call of the biscuits in the work kitchen...

Fat people are usually seen as weak-willed, but the truth is that a lot of us are constantly fighting. It may come as a shock to people who maintain a healthy weight effortlessly but we are not all just lazy gluttons.

The call of food must be extremely strong and difficult to resist, how else do you explain our continued indulgence even when we know that it leads to us being pretty much vilified and judged by everyone, including ourselves.

Anyway, I have decided that trying to lose weight is a losing battle. I am going to stop beating myself up about it, and accept it. I will obviously keep trying to not let my weight spiral out of control, but this constant trying to lose weight, I have had enough.

but the truth is that a lot of us are constantly fighting.

That isn’t just fat people, the same is said for people of “average” size

I think we have a skewed view of what normal is.

We think there are 'normal' people who eat what they want when they want

• and somehow - we who watch what we eat, exercise and still battle with it, are not normal. We are.

I eat under 2000 calories a day, lots of healthy foods, exercise 5 times a week and I am still overweight. I put it down to being short and being a couch potato in my spare time. A lot of our problems are due to our daily habits. If I was a 'doer' always out and about I think I'd be a bit slimmer. I've made peace with myself but I won't give up completely. I feel good exercing and eating well even if it isn't working from a weight perspective.

I think hormones play a massive part OP.
I went on the pill aged 18 and my weight went up, came off it before getting pregnant and after baby was born the weight melted off me. Eventually went back on it and again my weight crept up so l came off it again and after a couple of years had to start taking hrt. Found myself constantly hungry.
My sister is a size 6/8 (8 on a bad day!!) Although much shorter than me too.
Also as a child, l felt like we were never allowed anything "nice" so when l was able to buy my own food, l didn't always make the right choices although as an adult l do plus l exercise regularly. I too have accepted that l will probably always be around a size 14, 12 if l am super strict and actually think life is too short to be miserable and hungry.

@StormcloakNord

OP you'll get a lot of people saying actually it is your fault, you're emotionally eating, your genetics are fine blah blah blah all assumptions.

The best thing I ever did was just accept this is how I am. It's been 2 years now and I've not even sniffed at a diet or done anything I don't want to do. Am I fat? Yes. I'm also happier than I can ever remember being.

Dieting is crap, restriction is crap. You're not going to wish you dieted more when you're on your deathbed so just stop thinking about it and get on with life.

This will sound blunt, but if you’re on your deathbed a couple of decades prematurely due to obesity related illness then you might well wish you’d stuck at it and lost the weight.

I don’t think many people are effortlessly slim.

If that's true, then it seems to me* that humans are meant to be heavier and perhaps we're not meant to try to lose weight. Perhaps the associated health problems are - or were - nature's way of ensuring the survival of the fittest. The fact that such a high proportion of people are overweight maybe means it actually is the norm. We can't all be gluttons surely? I know I'm not but I'm still overweight. Go figure...

I was listening to an expert on the radio recently who studies twins and he said even identical twins have different metabolic rates. Genes innit.

*Clearly not an expert!

@LoisWilkersonslastnerve

I eat under 2000 calories a day, lots of healthy foods, exercise 5 times a week and I am still overweight. I put it down to being short and being a couch potato in my spare time. A lot of our problems are due to our daily habits. If I was a 'doer' always out and about I think I'd be a bit slimmer. I've made peace with myself but I won't give up completely. I feel good exercing and eating well even if it isn't working from a weight perspective.

@LoisWilkersonslastnerve

It sounds like you’re happy with your current body weight, so probably not an issue, but I think 2000 calories per day is outside of the recommended daily calories if you’re trying to lose weight. You do say under 2000 though.

I'm not particularly short and put weight on at around 1400 calories.

I think there's a lot of misleading information out there still. 2000 seems to be the magic figure for women but unless very tall/ active I bet most women would put weight on consuming 2000 calories.

I would be 2-3 stone heavier if I ate 2000 calories per day

I aim for 1400 if I'm not doing much exercise but it creeps up to 2000 most days. My point is, I eat under the government recommendation, don't eat loads of junk and I'm still overweight. Its not by a huge amount, but still. Maybe the guidance needs reviewing.

@StCharlotte unfortunately not the case. It's in modern times that so many are so big, and it is much to do with widespread sedentary lifestyles and an absoloute abundance of highly addictive (as in high salt, fat and sugar) foods. It's very easy in today's setup to eat many calories without eating much food at all.

I don't think there's anything wrong with carrying a little extra weight at all. But if it impacting on your health and happiness you owe it to yourself to lose weight. The problem is it can be quite complex to unpack all this once you are used to eating that type of food.

@StormcloakNord

OP you'll get a lot of people saying actually it is your fault, you're emotionally eating, your genetics are fine blah blah blah all assumptions.

The best thing I ever did was just accept this is how I am. It's been 2 years now and I've not even sniffed at a diet or done anything I don't want to do. Am I fat? Yes. I'm also happier than I can ever remember being.

Dieting is crap, restriction is crap. You're not going to wish you dieted more when you're on your deathbed so just stop thinking about it and get on with life.

You will if you're on your deathbed at 60 with an obesity related illness

@Buggerthebotox

I'm not particularly short and put weight on at around 1400 calories.

I think there's a lot of misleading information out there still. 2000 seems to be the magic figure for women but unless very tall/ active I bet most women would put weight on consuming 2000 calories.

You are counting calories incorrectly

@StCharlotte I disagree.

Humans aren't meant to eat all the processed crap and sugar we do now.

I'm sure if we all caught our own meat and foraged for fruit and grew our own crops then none of us would be overweight at all.

We no longer eat anywhere close to how humans are meant to eat. So of course it follows that our bodies are far from how they should be.

@Buggerthebotox

I'm not particularly short and put weight on at around 1400 calories.

I think there's a lot of misleading information out there still. 2000 seems to be the magic figure for women but unless very tall/ active I bet most women would put weight on consuming 2000 calories.

Absolutely.

I saw a TV show recently where they tested a lot of people's BMRs.

Everyone tested would gain weight at 2000 (women) or 2500 (men) calories a day.

That being said 2000 is a damn sight better than I used to put away each day!

Also just adding that OP started this thread and then totally disappeared.

Get what you came for, OP?

I think there's a lot of misleading information out there still. 2000 seems to be the magic figure for women but unless very tall/ active I bet most women would put weight on consuming 2000 calories.

Isn't 2000 calories the recommended intake for the average woman?

So, unless you are average in every way, and few people are, 2000 calories could be too little or too much. It's too much for me.

Have you researched the hormone gherulin, it’s the hormone that controls appetite. Gastric bands and other weight loss surgery control your hunger, but also leave the body with different problems.

I do think 2000 calories is very high for a woman with a sedentary lifestyle. I calculated my BMR as 2300 calories, which is what I need to eat daily to maintain my weight at 20 stone.

That being said 2000 is a damn sight better than I used to put away each day!
If you eat 2000 and exercise off about 300-500 that's a healthy lifestyle in my opinion. I think the problem is that if you want to lose weight, it's going to come off really slowly if at all with this. ☹

I think a lot of our problems with weight stem from the fact the food industry has massively screwed us over. Artificial sweeteners, preservatives, low fat (so tonnes of sugar), random oils used to make things feel nicer in our mouths, pesticides on crops – all these things have changed massively since the end of WW2. DH has a health condition so has made massive dietary changes and we now have pretty much no processed food in the house and cook from scratch with a lot of fresh vegetables. I feel 100x better (we didn't eat a lot of processed foods before!), I've lost half a stone (I was already "slim" so don't have huge amounts to lose).

I think a big component of all this is the improvement of the microbiome. All these chemicals we are eating kill our good gut bacteria. We need those bacteria to function properly! Take a look at some of Tim Spector's work. He's done some good podcasts with various people (Dr Chatterjee for eg).

SilverDoe and MrsWP you are both right of course and I was being entirely disingenuous.

In fact I've recently partaken in a diabetic workshop which involved exercise and dietary advice over several weeks and it's been a revelation. The difference in advice from when I was first diagnosed over 20 years ago ("eat lots of starch and carbs" ) is startling and explains a lot.

I've learned about the science of combining the right foods with carbs so as to slow the breakdown of the sugars etc. I'm eating complex rather than simple carbs. I'm adding stuff (salad and more veg) to my plate, not depriving myself and I'm eating fruit again.

I've learned that "penis portions" should actually be a thing as, gutting as it may be, I actually don't need as big a portion as my 6'3" DH, dammit.

I also refuse to call it a diet (a) because I don't deny myself the odd treat and (b) it's just a new way of eating.

I've been slowly losing weight over the last couple of years by mostly cooking from scratch so I know there's no added salt or sugar and also by using smaller plates for portion control. I bought a set of 1950s dessert bowls from a boot fair. They are TINY! I also have a set of vintage dinner plates - also far far smaller than what is made these days.

Maybe nouvelle cuisine wasn't a pisstake after all - maybe it was actually the correct portioning but on a giant plate .

If that's true, then it seems to me that humans are meant to be heavier and perhaps we're not meant to try to lose weight*
Not at all. I think hunger is a catch 22 issue. The more you eat, the more you crave food. I assume a mix of hormones synthesis and the formation of associative bad habits.

I have formed bad habits in relation to eating from a very young age, mainly associating food with comfort, it's been battle to overcome that habit most of my adulthood.

Adopting a fasting approach when I need to lose weight and keeping busy/distracted have been the oy way to control my weight. It's on my mind all the time to ensure I never go over a certain weight as it's hard enough to lose 1/2 stone let alone more.

In terms of calories, it's hard to identify how much we burn/need to burn. Fitbit seems to mainly go on heart rate, so someone with wresting heartr rate of 80 will burn much more daily then someone whose resting heart rate is 50. I don't know how scientifically correct this is. Mine seems to be about right though.

There was a thread recently where Angel Delight was mentioned and lots of us remember in the 80s the packet serving our whole family as a dessert but now that seems like a tiny amount. I try and have smaller portions but it's hard at times especially when everyone else seems to have a food mountain

Isn't 2000 calories the recommended intake for the average woman?
Maybe for a woman around 5'7 with a moderately active lifestyle.

So, unless you are average in every way, and few people are, 2000 calories could be too little or too much. It's too much for me.
I'm 5.3. 2000 would be high for me too.

Humans went from one meal to two and now people average 4 meals each day unless each meal is below 500 calories you'll put it on.
Like all addictions the only person who can curve it are the sufferers, there is support within overeaters anonymous but like NA and AA you need to face up to your actions to change them.