To confidently proclaim that it's not my fault I'm fat?

[itsnotmyfaultimfat]

I am 31 years old. I have always been fat. I can think of little I've wanted more, than to no longer be fat. I am an expert on how to lose weight.

You name it, I know about it, and not just superficially either. Low carb, intermittent fasting, calorie counting, overcoming binge eating techniques. I have read the books, I have reviewed the scientific literature, explored the evidence base, tried to put it all into action. Yet I am still fat.

I love food. I have loved food ever since I can remember. I always wanted seconds. I did not grow up in an obesogenic environment. All my siblings are a normal weight. My parents gave us healthy food. I just wanted a bigger portion, and I wanted seconds, and I wanted snacks in between meals, you get the idea.

Surely, rather than continuously trying to troubleshoot why so many people are overweight/constantly trying to lose weight, it makes sense to accept that like other personality traits, there is a set of people who just like food more than others?

I am convinced that at some point during my genesis, some genes were switched on/off, and this meant that I would be someone with a voracious appetite. This is something that is beyond my control.

If you knew the SHEER effort I put in daily trying to eat healthily, the almost overwhelming disappointment at the end of the day, when I have given in to my cravings, the constant distress I feel trying to ignore the call of the biscuits in the work kitchen...

Fat people are usually seen as weak-willed, but the truth is that a lot of us are constantly fighting. It may come as a shock to people who maintain a healthy weight effortlessly but we are not all just lazy gluttons.

The call of food must be extremely strong and difficult to resist, how else do you explain our continued indulgence even when we know that it leads to us being pretty much vilified and judged by everyone, including ourselves.

Anyway, I have decided that trying to lose weight is a losing battle. I am going to stop beating myself up about it, and accept it. I will obviously keep trying to not let my weight spiral out of control, but this constant trying to lose weight, I have had enough.

@BrownEyedGirl80

It is your fault if you give in to your cravings and I say that as someone who has a lot of cravings

But how do you know what OP’s cravings feel like? That’s like saying you can get through a headache without taking ibuprofen so it must be that everyone can too. But that’s not true— everyone has a different severity and experience of what a headache feels like and some of us have stronger coping mechanisms than others. The fact that you feel you’ve conquered cravings has literally no relevance to the OP.

@Biffbaff I get your line of thinking but it's a bit of a disingenuous angle to approach it from. I understand the concept of no food should be labelled bad/off limits but there is obviously and objectively some food that is healthier than others. The need to view all food as neutral sounds like just a different way of having an overly emotional/moral relationship with food.

Some foods are better for you nutritionally than others. Some foods fit in less well with a balanced diet. Some foods can be consumed at a much greater quantity than others without having negative effects on your body. Most people use the blanket term "healthier" to describe these foods. It's important to separate emotion from food so that we can objectively evaluate its place in our diets.

Strength training, powerlifting, and eating for that, is the only thing that I've found that helps me to shift the bulk. I love food. I love healthy food too, I don't like doughnuts, not mad keen on pizza or ice cream. But a perfect steak, or pan seared garlic salmon, with fresh greens, grilled asparagus, or broccoli, any broccoli, and I'm there! I can consume a ridiculous amount of "healthy" calories.

When I lift heavy, I build muscle, and burn fat. I burn through what I eat. I weigh about the same, but I'm much slimmer, fitter, and happier. I'm really looking forward to the gyms reopening.

I could have written that OP, were even the same age :) except I’ve got the point where my only indulgence is a bit of 90% chocolate, I don’t drink either. I try and be as healthy as possible, for example yesterday I did a 6k walk and 30 min bike intervals, and this morning I did 30 min walk, 30 day shred, toning exercises and might pop on my bike now. Same day in day out. Still a size 16, same weight as always have been, but at least I can say I’m doing my best - don’t think it’s my fault I’m fat in all honesty.

Mango biscuit that all sounds yum

I don’t really get the junkfood fetish either, but a steak and green beans... now you’re talking. Add some grilled tomatoes and some mash and I’m in

Like you I eat for my workouts/lifestyle, but do more cardio so add carbs to every meal

Hell yes to grilled tomatoes! I was going to say you can keep the mash... but if it's a hint of butter, smidge of garlic, skins on, then no, I'm not sharing

I really like food

I have a very sweet tooth and snack a lot on junk. Miraculously I've always been a size 8 (no idea why) but I have often thought that if I were fat from what I ate I would find it very hard to do anything about it. It's pure "luck" that I'm not and I do think it's hard to deprive yourself of what you enjoy.

Yes but people who think they are “depriving themselves” in any way by not eating junk food would maybe benefit from branching out and trying to cook nice stuff themselves?

I never have a mcDonalds , or KFC, but don’t feel I deprive myself. There is much tastier food out there (that actually is more healthy and nutritious too)

You can easily make your own burger with lean steak mince. Tastier too. Put it on a whole meal bun. Add lettuce. Tomato and sauce. Maybe even have some home made wedges.

It does not have to be a choice between quinoa and burgers . You can have the burger, just not the one from the takeaway with the massive pile of chips deep fried in lard

It is your fault in that you control what you put in your mouth. I do agree that it’s easier for some than others though, but to say it’s not your fault is to take no responsibility. You’re not a victim of crime, it’s totally up to you how you end up, but absolutely it’s harder for some to resist the food lure than others for sure.

Try hypnosis if nothing else works as you need to adjust your thinking.

I could do with losing a bit of weight but I am still just in the healthy BMI range. My sister is in her 40s and is fat. She could do with losing a lot of weight. She’s always been heavy from the time she was little but she was never as active as me. What energy you burn helps. She’s not active.

My sister also eats more, and her 12 year old daughter is way too heavy too because she’s been encouraged from the time she was little to eat an adult portion so her body is now geared up to always eat too much food.

Yet my sister would think it’s just genetics (I have a finer bone structure) that she’s heavier but it’s not, it’s a habitual over eating all her life and not enough exercise. I worry about her health as she gets older.

Has the OP come back at all btw?

I eat a lot. I over eat and always go back for seconds, people are shocked at how much I eat but luckily I am not over weight. But I do have to diet every time the scales move up 10lbs and loose it again. I understand how difficult it is, my cousin is obese and I eat more than her, but I really do believe she is a secret eater. I know if I didn’t diet regularly to get back on track I’d be obese. We are all accountable for what we eat.

So it's not the foodstuff in and of itself that is bad or good. I'm trying to see all foods as neutral rather than some being more virtuous than others.

Foods aren't neutral though. Just because it's ok to have doughnuts or Haribo occasionally, I don’t think you can therefore assume that they are equal with aubergines and carrots.

Just because it's ok to have doughnuts or Haribo occasionally, I don’t think you can therefore assume that they are equal with aubergines and carrots.

They satisfy different needs. There's not much energy stored in an aubergine, so they could be regarded as decidedly inferior in some contexts.

Not in any context that's actually likely to happen though. It's pretty unlikely that people are just chomping on an aubergine on its own. Whereas it's very likely with a doughnut.

It's pretty unlikely that people are just chomping on an aubergine on its own.

If an aubergine can't stand alone against a doughnut, there's really no question, it is inferior.

Aubergine is a thing of marvel and can stand, proud and tall, against all mediocre pastries. Take an aubergine, saute it gently in olive oil until soft and velvety, add salt, let it cool - delish just as is on a flatbread with a squeeze of a lemon and sprinkle of parsley.

@Tal45

I love food, but I eat a normal sized portion of it, I eat chips, sausages, burgers, love and eat chocolate etc every week and pretty much eat whatever I want - I just don't eat a ton of it (although I can get through a whole packet of biscuits on a really bad day) I go for a walk every day but don't do any other exercise, I'm 8 1/2 stone.

Everyone I know who is overweight eats huge portions. Once you have put on weight it's much harder to lose and keep it off, it's much easier to maintain a healthy weight if you've never been over weight. It's all about portion size though IMO, people have some very wrong ideas about what a normal portion is and when this starts in childhood the chances are it'll be a life long battle. Also people often don't realise it's ok to be hungry sometimes, you don't have to always eat just because you're hungry.

Everyone who's overweight eats huge portions

This is absolute rubbish! I'm overweight due to an extremely under active thyroid. My body saturates ALL of the fat I eat, rather than a small percentage like most people, even though I eat nowhere near as much as I should. I also have Multiple Schlerosis so I cannot exercise much at all. I can barely walk.

A consultant dietician told me last month (and this applies to those who don't have an under active thyroid) that if you don't eat enough calories each day, your body goes into 'survival mode' and stores all of the fat you eat (much like my body does due to an under active thyroid) as reserves. It was explained to me much more succinctly than this of course but that was the gist of it.

So can we PLEASE stop with all this "You're eating too much" "You need to eat less" nonsense! It's incorrect and is dangerous. Crap like this can be dangerous

MN .... do you not take medication for your thyroid? This should correct it to ‘normal’ levels therefore no weight gain.

@Blindstupid

MN .... do you not take medication for your thyroid? This should correct it to ‘normal’ levels therefore no weight gain.

Ha ha ha! Yes that magical pill that works miracles and puts everything back to normal. Are you a GP by any chance? Every one I’ve ever seen has been utterly clueless about thyroid issues.

Some people get on fine on thyroxine - many many more feel like absolute shit, even with numbers in the ‘normal’ range. Please don’t peddle the bullshit that thyroid disorders are simple to fix.

I don't know how your post equates with it not being your fault. You say you love food and eat too much of it. It is your actions, then, that are causing you to remain overweight unfortunately.

If, however, you are happy to accept that as who you are in then that is a different story, and totally fine.

I should be fat. I have a massive appetite, severe sugar cravings and love all the unhealthy foods. I get takeaways probably 6 times a week - sometimes twice a day and the sheer number of bags of crisps I go through in a day is horrific.

I've always been skinny though, when I was a teenager everyone told me it would catch up to me when I turned 20, then they told me it would catch up to me once I turned 30. Now they just tell me I'm a freak.

I fully believe weight is far more complex than what you eat or how active you are. I would never judge anyone based on their weight.

Good for you being honest about why you're fat. Personally I'm sick of reading posts about fat people attempting to justify why they're fat. I love eating. I could eat all day long. But I don't. I deny myself and do loads of exercise because I don't want to be overweight. It's unhealthy and is not a good look for me. But, like I said, good for you if you're happy with the way you are.

@thecatandthevicar I would love to be able to use my commute as exercise like your friends. Unfortunately I have either never lived close enough to work (currently 25 miles, has been as many as 60) or my workplace hasn’t had the facilities to get me back into a presentable state for the job I am/was doing (no showers/changing facilities/lockers).

If more places had these then possibly more people would do as your friends do. I would exercise more frequently than I do if I could afford to live closer to my work and could pop to the gym/for a swim on my way home. I’ve just started Couch to 5k and am really hoping I’ll be able to keep it up. I do find exercise difficult after I’ve eaten anything or done anything else; I’d rather do it first thing but it’s impossible to do that all the time with the time I have to get up and set off for an early shift.

OK, I get it, but posts of this nature conveniently forget about people who have voracious appetites, put on weight easily and love food and snacks but are a healthy weight because health is more important than pleasure.

I'd love to eat all fucking day long, I'd also love to drink a shit-ton of red wine and smoke loads of fags but I realise that it's more important to look after my body. It is miserable sometimes, when everyone else eats whatever they want without thought but I'd rather be healthy and miserable than unhealthy and miserable.

Blimey markruffalo ... pipe down! It was actually a genuine question, nothing intended in it at all. It wasn’t even aimed to you so I don’t know why you’re on your high horse so much!

No I’m not a GP. As for the bullshit you say I’m pedalling - please tell me exactly where I said that. You’ll find I didn’t.

We have a very lengthy thyroid history in our family. Myself and 2 other members are overactive - over 10 in the extended family are under active. Despite mine being over active I actually put weight on whereas generally you lose weight. My ds feels shit no matter what her numbers are, my dm and several cousins are very well controlled. Others I have no clue as it’s not something we talk about.

I merely asked a simple question to chat further.