To confidently proclaim that it's not my fault I'm fat?

[itsnotmyfaultimfat]

I am 31 years old. I have always been fat. I can think of little I've wanted more, than to no longer be fat. I am an expert on how to lose weight.

You name it, I know about it, and not just superficially either. Low carb, intermittent fasting, calorie counting, overcoming binge eating techniques. I have read the books, I have reviewed the scientific literature, explored the evidence base, tried to put it all into action. Yet I am still fat.

I love food. I have loved food ever since I can remember. I always wanted seconds. I did not grow up in an obesogenic environment. All my siblings are a normal weight. My parents gave us healthy food. I just wanted a bigger portion, and I wanted seconds, and I wanted snacks in between meals, you get the idea.

Surely, rather than continuously trying to troubleshoot why so many people are overweight/constantly trying to lose weight, it makes sense to accept that like other personality traits, there is a set of people who just like food more than others?

I am convinced that at some point during my genesis, some genes were switched on/off, and this meant that I would be someone with a voracious appetite. This is something that is beyond my control.

If you knew the SHEER effort I put in daily trying to eat healthily, the almost overwhelming disappointment at the end of the day, when I have given in to my cravings, the constant distress I feel trying to ignore the call of the biscuits in the work kitchen...

Fat people are usually seen as weak-willed, but the truth is that a lot of us are constantly fighting. It may come as a shock to people who maintain a healthy weight effortlessly but we are not all just lazy gluttons.

The call of food must be extremely strong and difficult to resist, how else do you explain our continued indulgence even when we know that it leads to us being pretty much vilified and judged by everyone, including ourselves.

Anyway, I have decided that trying to lose weight is a losing battle. I am going to stop beating myself up about it, and accept it. I will obviously keep trying to not let my weight spiral out of control, but this constant trying to lose weight, I have had enough.

I’m sure there are a myriad of reasons why people are overweight, but please don’t think that everyone who is thin just has a smaller appetite. For lots (probably most) of use it’s that we’ve taken a conscious decision to ignore our cravings because we want to become/ stay thin. I’ve actually been to McDonalds with someone who while eating a large Big Mac meal, chocolate milkshake and an extra double cheese burger on the side that it’s alright for me because I’m thin. Did she not think that I’d love to eat all those things? (Actually no I wouldn’t I’d have been uncomfortably full!) but I know I can’t so I stick to a smaller option and a Diet Coke. It’s really not alright for me, I constantly watch what I eat, ignore cravings and hunger pangs and just eating what I know I can to maintain my weight ie. 16/8 fasting and noS (no sweets, snacks or seconds except Saturdays and Sundays).

Do you exercise? If not then this part is your fault. There’s no excuse not to exercise unless physically can’t walk. Actually that’s not true, my friend is paralysed from the chest down and still does tons of exercise!

Fuck the cancel-culture; just because one doesn't like something doesn't make it disappear.
It is true though, St. Moss is a teller-of-truth.

AIBU is a horrible place for the body positive. Good for you, op and good luck xx

Why is unhealthy eating good for OP? Obesity is decidedly not good for anybody.

@Biffbaff

AIBU is a horrible place for the body positive. Good for you, op and good luck xx

body-positive is accepting your natural AND HEALTHY shape. Some of us are curvy, boyish, tall, petite, and that's ok.

Being overweight and pretending it's fine has nothing to do with body positivity. You are just deciding to stick with unhealthy and damaging habit. It's literally the opposite of a positive decision.

Who decides what is "healthy" though? If OP's body isn't satisfied after she tries to eat "healthily", is that food really healthy? If an apple is so "healthy", why can't you live 100% off apples? At some point the 100% apple diet would become unhealthy, therefore the apples would too.

Is it "healthy" to be so judgemental of others? To deny yourself what you want in life and criticise others for not doing so? Is that a healthy way to operate in society?

Have you read about the Obesity Paradox?

Who decides what is "healthy" though? If OP's body isn't satisfied after she tries to eat "healthily", is that food really healthy?

well, if she condition herself to be overweight, and has past a certain level of body fat, yes, it's definitively unhealthy.

It's not a moral judgement, it's basic biology.

Any medical professional will give you the least of everything you put your body through and all the conditions caused by excess weight.

You wouldn't question someone telling you why being anorexic is unhealthy and dangerous for your health. So why pretending excess the other way is any better, when we know it's not?

If an apple is so "healthy", why can't you live 100% off apples? because we are omnivores. We are not designed to eat solely on apples.

To deny yourself what you want in life
I don't know, is it healthy to deny drinks, drugs, because you crave them?

Biffbaff what kind of argument is that 😂

There is no such thing as a “healthy food, a single item you can eat and nothing else“

But I don’t think anybody claims that? I’ve certainly not seen that suggested anywhere

There is such a thing as a healthy diet though, and that would include more fruit and veg, and less processed , sugary or deep fat fried food

That’s not a crazy thing to say, is it?

She may be cancelled but she'd still be right.

It's not a moral judgement, it's basic biology.

And if it were just left as basic biology when it comes to people being overweight, there'd be less of an issue.
But it's not, and are then surprised when people who are being judged on every aspect of their person, because they carry extra weight, are upset and defensive.
If problems were listened to rather than mockingly dismissed as excuses, or directed back to morality "You'd do it if you really wanted to, you just can't be bothered" solutions to those problems may be found.
As it is, people who are overweight are having their whole person ripped apart on one aspect of them.

I've been on annual leave this week, I've slept better, exercised more and eaten better because I'm not constrained by work demands on my time and energy.
I work nightshifts, nightshift workers are recognised as being more at risk than day workers from obesity, along with T2 diabetes, heart disease, cancers and stroke.
Because of the lifestyle you need to lead in order to be awake and alert during the times your body should be sleeping.
I think we can all recognise why we need nightshift workers, so why demonise and judge them instead of helping (while at the same time, claiming to be concerned)?
Because it's not about being concerned, it's not about caring, it's about having a socially acceptable way to make someone else look inferior while claiming you're doing it for their own good, and saying that the problems that they face are just excuses because you don't want to even consider that they might be real problems, because then the moral high ground has been lost.
Shaming people doesn't solve problems, it creates more.

Shaming people doesn't solve problems, it creates more.

Normalising overeating doesn't do anyone any favours either.

Who decides what is "healthy" though? If OP's body isn't satisfied after she tries to eat "healthily", is that food really healthy? If an apple is so "healthy", why can't you live 100% off apples? At some point the 100% apple diet would become unhealthy, therefore the apples would too

What heckin kind of logical gymnastics is this?? Do we really have to create these logical fallacies to be accepting of our weight?

If you are overweight that is great. Please don't pretend to not know what a balanced diet is though and try to somehow demonise healthy foods. Apples are healthy. Olive oil is healthy. Celery is healthy. Nuts are healthy. You can not live on 100% of any one single food. That does not mean you can pretend there's no such thing as foods that are good for you and foods that are not good for you!

If you are overweight and happy that is great

@changi

Maybe my genes are different.

Perhaps that it.

Memes like this do no one any favours.

I keep saying this on this type of thread. In many cases, the stereotype of the fattie eating lots of junk food simply isn't true. It only takes a modest over-eat to gain weight over a period of time. If you're a healthy weight at 20 but gain weight at the marginal rate of a stone a decade you will be obese by the time you are 45.

I just did a little maths.

If 1lb of fat = 3,500kcals so 10lbs of fat = 35,000kcals

35,000 / 52 = 673kcals

That means it only takes overeating by less than a hundred calories a day will gain you 10lbs of fat a year!

You should go to this seminar next week with Dr Giles Yeo “Is obesity a choice?”
www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/cbcovt-is-obesity-a-choice-giles-yeo-from-bbcs-trust-me-im-a-doctor-tickets-136435439071

I think I might sign up and then feel less bad about my attempts to lose weight!

Hi Op,
I need to read the full thread but I know how you feel. I’m in my 50’s and, while a healthy weight in my teens, steadily gained so have always been a fat adult, despite multiple attempts to lose weight. I was never successful because I was soooo hungry! Anyway I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and the VERY DAY I started taking metformin something in my brain and body changed and suddenly I was able to resist the impulse to eat, control my portion size and make healthy choices. Could be that the diagnosis and the threat of complications was the kick i needed to change but it doesn’t feel that way to me. I feel like something was corrected in my body/ body chemistry and now I am able to eat in a healthy way. Without those urges to eat.

I’m not an endocrinologist, but I really feel that the weight/insulin connection will be interesting as scientists learn more about it. I think that my getting fat “caused” my diabetes, but I also think that something (insulin resistance? A kind of sugar addiction?) related to diabetes made it more difficult for me to maintain a healthy weight.
Now that I’m able to control my eating I keep the carbs low and I’ve lost about 50 lbs.

@changi

Shaming people doesn't solve problems, it creates more.

Normalising overeating doesn't do anyone any favours either.

No I agree, it doesn't. But then I'm not normalising it, I'm saying there's problems behind it that people refuse to even acknowledge, dismissing them as excuses and jumping straight to shaming people instead, for their own gratification. Normalising nor shaming is a good way to address the issues. And IMO, they're actually just a reaction to the other, so the problem of obesity just gets worse.

"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" is exactly the kind of bollocks that passes for profound thought from junkies. Nothing tastes good when you're off your tits on cocaine, except more cocaine.

Exactly, SilverDoe. It can be as little as having an extra roast potato with your dinner.

I am not saying that no one who is overweight eats junk food, but it really isn't the case that everyone who is fat got there by scoffing crisps, chocolate and fast food, or even enormous portions of home cooked food.

@SilverDoe

I just did a little maths.

If 1lb of fat = 3,500kcals so 10lbs of fat = 35,000kcals

35,000 / 52 = 673kcals

That means it only takes overeating by less than a hundred calories a day will gain you 10lbs of fat a year!

This is exactly why I track everything. Otherwise I would (and have) be overweight. Even if I'm hungry, if I know I've had enough calories for my body then the hunger is safe to ignore. I have weeks off for holidays, big events, Christmas etc. Sometimes I think fuck it. But for the vast majority of days I do it, and I weigh myself weekly. It matters to me to be a healthy weight.

@LApprentiSorcier

Exactly, SilverDoe. It can be as little as having an extra roast potato with your dinner.

I am not saying that no one who is overweight eats junk food, but it really isn't the case that everyone who is fat got there by scoffing crisps, chocolate and fast food, or even enormous portions of home cooked food.

However, the OP has readily admitted in her post that she does consume larger portions of food and always has done:

I just wanted a bigger portion, and I wanted seconds, and I wanted snacks in between meals

biscuits in the work kitchen

This is not someone who is in the position they are because they had one extra roast potato with their dinner.

BronwenFrideswide It wasn't really the OP I was talking about, I was commented on a meme someone posted upthread showing the stereotype of an obese woman with a cupboard full of junk food.

@LApprentiSorcier

BronwenFrideswide It wasn't really the OP I was talking about, I was commented on a meme someone posted upthread showing the stereotype of an obese woman with a cupboard full of junk food.

Ah okay, sorry missed that was what you were referring to.

Ok I think some people didn't get my point. Intellectually speaking, whether a food is supposedly good or bad is surely contextual? I.e. One apple a day, generally speaking, is good. A diet of only apples, bad. So it's not the foodstuff in and of itself that is bad or good. I'm trying to see all foods as neutral rather than some being more virtuous than others.