To think that all men watch porn even when in a sexually gratifying relationship ?

[pedestalpony]

Possibly done to death but do they or at least the majority and if so are you ok with it ?
No real back story but have reason to believe that my bf does now and again ... mainly through presumption of women he follows on Facebook ... first six pictures etc.
I know he also games with many men and women throughout the world through that platform so he has many' friends' from that..
He doesn't like or comment on the women's posts but they show up now and again on the six profile pics of his friends on Facebook .
Am I being a prude/ presumptuous / overthinking .

A man checking his partners or wifes phone would be called out on here as controlling, but all these women check their husbands browsing history (which is futile when private or incognito browsing is one click away anyway)

There's a difference between checking each others phones and being open. Eg I'm driving can you text so and so back.
Some of our other halves also have jobs they would lose if caught having porn on their phones so is very unlikely.
Interestingly enough the only time my oh got cagey about his phone was when he was planning to propose.
Some men just don't prioritise porn. I don't know why that's so controversial.

Mine doesn’t and I know that 100% for a fact

I mean if he wanted to he could but doesn’t 🥳

@Quirrelsotherface

Most men do and I do myself (although not as often as DH). Those men who say they don't are in reality probably terrified of their insecure / controlling partner.

That’s actually really sad that you can’t believe a man has ethical standards about porn. You have totally bought into the play line that it’s normal and acceptable.

@TheBuffster

There's a difference between checking each others phones and being open. Eg I'm driving can you text so and so back. Some of our other halves also have jobs they would lose if caught having porn on their phones so is very unlikely. Interestingly enough the only time my oh got cagey about his phone was when he was planning to propose. Some men just don't prioritise porn. I don't know why that's so controversial.

Yes, exactly (apart from the proposal bit 😀)

He has a work computer and work phone...thats it

@Gerla

Why does it actually matter?? If it's not impacting your sex life, why do you care? It's everyone's own business.

Do you apply this "logic" to everything? I mean child sex abuse doesn't impact my sex life either but I don't say it's ok. Do you really have no sense of wider society and how your choices impact on that? This is profoundly depressing.

Oh my God!! How did you get from my comment to child sex abuse? We are talking about a particular (LEGALLY PERMITTED) issue if you haven't noticed?? You are absurd an insulting for suggesting such a horrific thing! Stay on track next time

I'm pretty sure DP doesn't.

His phone, laptop and iPad are work ones (I suspect they have blockers on but doubt he'd risk it anyway).

Also Our Wi-Fi has a blocker of adult content and he doesn't know the passwords. Never asked for them.

I also genuinely believe he respects women too much. However hard some of you seem to find that to believe 🤷‍♀️

why do people check their OHs phones?
I don't check my DH phone, but I do use it occasionally (and completely unpredictably not that he's into subterfuge) e.g. if mine is charging, if he has a number I want in his call history, if I forgot mine, if he's driving.

I also genuinely believe he respects women too much. However hard some of you seem to find that to believe
Yep, everything else I know about DH suggests that he respects women, so why would he suddenly decide to objectify them in this one regard?

@RevolvingPivot

It's mad how you know how your other half spends all of his his time. What he does in the shower and toilet. What he looks at on his phone.

If anyone’s fella watches porn in the shower, I assume he now has a broken phone. If he watches it on the toilet, why? 🤯

I’m being facetious (sorry, bad habit). It’s not that anyone would literally claim to know what their OH does every second of the day. More that they would claim to know the man.

Just like we would claim to know that he didn’t, I dunno, shag around behind our backs, or snort loads of coke we didn’t know about, or occasionally kill people.

Yes, articles of faith, to an extent. Women have been known many times to be mistaken about all these things. But I am not getting why, of all these (and other stuff women might object to in their partners), watching porn has to be the one that every man DEFINITELY does.

I say this with caution, as I don’t in any sense want to demean other women (loads of blokes to do that for us, after all, sistren!). But for those of you who have a man who you know watches porn, and you feel very strongly about telling other women that their fella DEFINITELY does so too - could it be (in some cases) that you are uncomfortable with it and so would feel better if there was a reality in which all men do it and that’s inevitable? Not in any way saying this is true for everyone holding this position. I just wondered if this is possible.

I know that, for example, my close girlfriends and I, if we are moaning to each other about annoying things our men have done (comes up often! 😉) , often say (tongue in cheek of course, but not totally), “But he’s a man, isn’t he? That’s how roll.” Things like that. It can be comforting when you are pissed off by something to feel that your experience is kinda generic......

I RTFT, and decided to do a little Googling, and seriously...

People who keep treating porn consumption as just a personal decision regarding their own sexuality and marriage, you are sadly completely lacking in understanding of the porn industry.

I assumed some abuse and trafficking etc must happen, but I had no idea the extent and gravity. Also learning about the relationship between porn and child sex abuse/trafficking was shocking but all too logical, once explained.

I'm someone who has always considered porn to be a blight on society and extremely unhealthy (and there are so many studies to back that up that it's just not under debate at this point).

But I had no idea just how much crime and abuse it both generates and capitalized on.

Anyone who wants to argue that it's a personal decision, that the percentage of porn videos that show rape etc is minimal enough to not really matter... Please, please do just half an hour's research on the topic.

@LittleRed53

I RTFT, and decided to do a little Googling, and seriously...

People who keep treating porn consumption as just a personal decision regarding their own sexuality and marriage, you are sadly completely lacking in understanding of the porn industry.

I assumed some abuse and trafficking etc must happen, but I had no idea the extent and gravity. Also learning about the relationship between porn and child sex abuse/trafficking was shocking but all too logical, once explained.

I'm someone who has always considered porn to be a blight on society and extremely unhealthy (and there are so many studies to back that up that it's just not under debate at this point).

But I had no idea just how much crime and abuse it both generates and capitalized on.

Anyone who wants to argue that it's a personal decision, that the percentage of porn videos that show rape etc is minimal enough to not really matter... Please, please do just half an hour's research on the topic.

Thank you - great post!

Yes there are some horror stories. But to make out the whole industry prays on the weak and vulnerable and that nearly everything people watch is coercive is just a bit stupid and purely down to people who are a bit uptight being unable to get their heads around the fact that different people enjoy different things.

That’s what you tell yourself, that doesn’t make it true.

I’m the furthest from upright, but I have experienced sexual abuse and rape. I have experienced a sexually abusive relationship with a porn addict. I have spoken to many other women who’ve been through similar things. The idea that it’s not harming anyone is very far from my reality.

You are privileged if you are deciding to get involved in porn, what you shoot and when. If your friends in the industry also have this level of autonomy then great. You do realise this is an unusual position to be in? This isn’t assumption, there is plenty of information available on the harms done to women in the industry and the extent of trafficking, and plenty who are doing it because they feel they have no other option.

And those who compare that to any other job must be being disingenuous. If you’ve ever experienced you’ll know it’s nothing like doing an office job you don’t like, and that’s without the damage being compounded by it being filmed and potentially viewed by anyone you meet.

But hey, as long as you’re having fun, that’s the main thing 🙄

The whole industry normalises the objectification of women.
It’s built on profit from suffering.
It encourages aberrant behaviour and normalises inappropriate sexual behaviour.
It’s far from harmless entertainment

@drspouse

why do people check their OHs phones?

I don't check my DH phone, but I do use it occasionally (and completely unpredictably not that he's into subterfuge) e.g. if mine is charging, if he has a number I want in his call history, if I forgot mine, if he's driving.

How can they tell you whether he does or does not watch porn?

@Lovelydiscusfish

RevolvingPivot
It's mad how you know how your other half spends all of his his time. What he does in the shower and toilet. What he looks at on his phone.
If anyone’s fella watches porn in the shower, I assume he now has a broken phone. If he watches it on the toilet, why? 🤯

***
Isn't that obvious?

I'm sorry @RevolvingPivot but I actually don't understand your post, are you asking a question?

@LemonRoses

The whole industry normalises the objectification of women. It’s built on profit from suffering. It encourages aberrant behaviour and normalises inappropriate sexual behaviour. It’s far from harmless entertainment

Yep.

Just like we would claim to know that he didn’t, I dunno, shag around behind our backs, or snort loads of coke we didn’t know about, or occasionally kill people.

Shag around - would take time and effort
Coke - would need money and would possibly show
Kill people -

@drspouse

THEY should have been THAT

[quote RevolvingPivot]@drspouse

THEY should have been THAT[/quote]
He'd have to be monumentally stupid since I can and do borrow his phone (and I see what he's looking at when I walk in the room) at a moment's notice.
Ok, maybe when he was commuting he could have watched it on the train but he's also not that stupid.

The whole industry normalises the objectification of women

Gay male porn does that?