To think that all men watch porn even when in a sexually gratifying relationship ?

[pedestalpony]

Possibly done to death but do they or at least the majority and if so are you ok with it ?
No real back story but have reason to believe that my bf does now and again ... mainly through presumption of women he follows on Facebook ... first six pictures etc.
I know he also games with many men and women throughout the world through that platform so he has many' friends' from that..
He doesn't like or comment on the women's posts but they show up now and again on the six profile pics of his friends on Facebook .
Am I being a prude/ presumptuous / overthinking .

Posted earlier have a read about how much policing goes on with Ph. Happy viewing to those who think it’s all fine and fun

www.traffickinghubpetition.com/

I have a question for the people who are happy for themselves/their fellas to watch it. I am not being snippy - it sounds snippy but I can’t think how else to phrase it. I would genuinely like to know the answer. Is it that you do not believe that women are exploited by the porn industry? Or is it that you do not care that this is the case (or at least, don’t care enough for it to be a reason to stop)?

Obviously, it stands to logical reason that SOME porn is made ethically by fully consenting adults. But how can one know this is true in any specific case? Isn’t the risk that you are getting your rocks off watching someone be raped, just too great?

I don't know if it adds anything to the discussion, but I know my fil will watch certain programmes like Strictly for the female dancers that don't have a lot on. He finds that sexy. So sext can be packaged in a so called 'family friendly/ wholesome way

@Nicknacky

Those that say that their partner doesn’t, how can you possibly know for certain?

They might say they don’t, but you can’t know with all certainty that they don’t.

I literally don't know when he'd do it, I'm with him pretty much 24/7 for the past year, and prior to that can account for pretty much 100% of his time...

@Lovelydiscusfish
It's more likely than not that you're watching someone who made a choice to "act" in a pornographic film.
I don't generally think it's my place to look at an adult's career choice and say "I wouldn't have chosen to do that, so you must have chosen it because you do not have the mental faculties to make correct choices for youself".
If that was my point of view, I could extend it to any number of professions that is personally object to being a part of.

No one is with their partner all the time to prevent porn use.. EVERYONE has time to do it now its there on your phone.
If someone wanted to they could get a quickie done in 1 minute whilst they're in the loo, or when you are ..or when you're getting the breakfast ready and they get out of bed a few minutes later. There's plenty of opportunity throughout the day.

My husband and I sometimes watch porn together if were feeling extra frisky. Nothing wrong with it IMO

Like PP my husband and I watch porn together too. I don't feel insecure even if he did choose to watch it alone, although we both have high sex drives and have a very active sex life together so I wouldn't see the need for him to do so.

@Sunshine3013

My husband and I sometimes watch porn together if were feeling extra frisky. Nothing wrong with it IMO

Please look at the link I posted. It’s rife with abuse and you could be watching a rape.

[quote DedlyMedally]@Lovelydiscusfish
It's more likely than not that you're watching someone who made a choice to "act" in a pornographic film.
I don't generally think it's my place to look at an adult's career choice and say "I wouldn't have chosen to do that, so you must have chosen it because you do not have the mental faculties to make correct choices for youself".
If that was my point of view, I could extend it to any number of professions that is personally object to being a part of.[/quote]
The pp wasn’t commenting on whether being a porn Star was bad or not as a career choice. She was talking about the fact it’s not policed or regulated and there’s proof that abuse and rape could be what you’re getting off to.
I despair!

[quote DedlyMedally]@Lovelydiscusfish
It's more likely than not that you're watching someone who made a choice to "act" in a pornographic film.
I don't generally think it's my place to look at an adult's career choice and say "I wouldn't have chosen to do that, so you must have chosen it because you do not have the mental faculties to make correct choices for youself".
If that was my point of view, I could extend it to any number of professions that is personally object to being a part of.[/quote]
So it is your opinion that pornography never, or so rarely for the risk to be negligible, involves any form of coercion or exploitation? Again, genuine question and not meant to sound snippy. Thank you for responding to my first question.

YABU - I don’t think all men watch it by any means. It’s an excuse some men use for their poor behaviour.

[quote DedlyMedally]@Lovelydiscusfish
It's more likely than not that you're watching someone who made a choice to "act" in a pornographic film.
I don't generally think it's my place to look at an adult's career choice and say "I wouldn't have chosen to do that, so you must have chosen it because you do not have the mental faculties to make correct choices for youself".
If that was my point of view, I could extend it to any number of professions that is personally object to being a part of.[/quote]
How do you know this is “more likely than not”?

Certainly for anyone consuming the content of Girls Do Porn before the court case, they were watching footage of women who’d been misled, trapped in a hotel room (doors barricaded with furniture), had no idea what they were agreeing to in many cases.

Did they know that?

@Lovelydiscusfish
or so rarely for the risk to be negligible, involves any form of coercion or exploitation?

I don't think the risk is distributed equally across the industry.

For example, amateur videos in which a female participant never acknowledges the camera or that the recording is for public consumption.

I can see the argument that there is a high likelihood of this being some form of revenge porn, which is illegal in the UK and would be considered abusive by most people.

Videos produced by a studio, with known actors is probably significantly less likely to be abuse in the same way as the above.

Talking about exploitation or coercion, you'll have to be a bit more specific in regards to your definitions.

Noone would call my office-based work coercive or exploitative but the driving force for me actually logging in at 9am is fear of destitution, rather than love of the job.
I think most people are making some sort of trade-off in terms of their marketable skills, personal values, enjoyment and how much money they desire and I accept that other people's weightings and parameters will differ from mine, some to the point where I'd find it difficult to empathise (in the true sense of the word) with their choice.

@ LucieStar: Yep, thousands of amateure channels of just regular everyday people that enjoy having a lot of sex and sharing it with the world.

[quote DedlyMedally]@Lovelydiscusfish
or so rarely for the risk to be negligible, involves any form of coercion or exploitation?

I don't think the risk is distributed equally across the industry.

For example, amateur videos in which a female participant never acknowledges the camera or that the recording is for public consumption.

I can see the argument that there is a high likelihood of this being some form of revenge porn, which is illegal in the UK and would be considered abusive by most people.

Videos produced by a studio, with known actors is probably significantly less likely to be abuse in the same way as the above.

Talking about exploitation or coercion, you'll have to be a bit more specific in regards to your definitions.

Noone would call my office-based work coercive or exploitative but the driving force for me actually logging in at 9am is fear of destitution, rather than love of the job.
I think most people are making some sort of trade-off in terms of their marketable skills, personal values, enjoyment and how much money they desire and I accept that other people's weightings and parameters will differ from mine, some to the point where I'd find it difficult to empathise (in the true sense of the word) with their choice.[/quote]
Interesting (and thank you again for answering). So is your position that you would only consume porn/be happy with your partner doing so if you felt confident that the porn was ethically produced. And you feel there is a range of porn which one can feel pretty sure about this with?

I am speaking from a position of relative ignorance - I know very little about what different types of porn there are, what platforms it can be consumed on etc. It just seems hard (to me) to imagine a type of porn where one could be strongly confident no coercion was involved. For example with the amateur couples thing you mentioned - I find it all too easy to imagine a male partner coercing the female into participating against her will. I am sure this is not always the case. But it is a likely enough scenario to give me concern.

I have heard a similar argument applied to prostitution sometimes - that depending what type of sex-worker someone visits (as in price, where they are working etc) one can be more confident that the person is working in that job out of their own free will. But I have also heard counter-arguments to this, and people claiming that coercion is rife in all areas of the sex trade. And if you can’t be 100% sure, how can you risk it?

Noone would call my office-based work coercive or exploitative but the driving force for me actually logging in at 9am is fear of destitution, rather than love of the job.

Oh this old chestnut. When your desk job involves physical humiliation, degradation and / or anal injuries, perhaps that will be a reasonable comparison.

@LucieStar: Yep, thousands of amateure channels of just regular everyday people that enjoy having a lot of sex and sharing it with the world.

You don’t think it’s at all possible that some of the women in those “amateur couples” are being coerced or controlled? Not any of them doing something that they don’t particularly want to do, either because they need the money, or because they are in a coercive controlling relationship?

Seriously, some of the commenters on this thread must have a really low opinion of men if they think it’s impossible that there are any men in the world who don’t like the idea of wanking to what may be coerced sex / rape.

When your desk job involves physical humiliation, degradation and / or anal injuries, perhaps that will be a reasonable comparison.

Lots of jobs have physical injury risks far greater than those in porn. If you think acting in porn is inherently humiliating and degrading for everyone involved, that says more about your value judgements than it does about reality.
Even assuming that porn actors parse their career in the same way you do, in what way do you assume that they're being "coerced"?

It just seems hard (to me) to imagine a type of porn where one could be strongly confident no coercion was involved.

I've never had a ONS, I had a friend at university who famously "pulled" 2 guys in 2 separate events in a single night.
I can imagine some women having a disposition that would make them much more comfortable producing porn than I would be.

I just think it's a bit of a reach to assume that a majority of pornographic content has to be the result of abuse. There is no real evidence for this being the case.

I think many women who don't watch porn might need to update their perception of what porn is these days. What used to be niche interest, so maybe something you might have drawn the line at your partner watching, like BDSM or anal penetration or water sports, is now mainstream normal porn. So when you say porn is ok" and you're thinking your DO us watching beautiful people having sex... you are very very wrong.

The normalisation of porn as a lifestyle choice, coincided with a massive increase in extreme misogynistic porn, and this speaks to the slow landslide of anti-women shit that is descending upon western societies

Even one of porns biggest stars condemns it. I can’t believe people are being so blasé about it. Apparently, this porn star used to pass out during scenes but was locked into a contract which was exploitive as ph has profited and she hasn’t got paid properly ( great career)

www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-49330540

@DedlyMedally

When your desk job involves physical humiliation, degradation and / or anal injuries, perhaps that will be a reasonable comparison.

Lots of jobs have physical injury risks far greater than those in porn. If you think acting in porn is inherently humiliating and degrading for everyone involved, that says more about your value judgements than it does about reality.
Even assuming that porn actors parse their career in the same way you do, in what way do you assume that they're being "coerced"?

It just seems hard (to me) to imagine a type of porn where one could be strongly confident no coercion was involved.

I've never had a ONS, I had a friend at university who famously "pulled" 2 guys in 2 separate events in a single night.
I can imagine some women having a disposition that would make them much more comfortable producing porn than I would be.

I just think it's a bit of a reach to assume that a majority of pornographic content has to be the result of abuse. There is no real evidence for this being the case.

I find it completely plausible to imagine that there are lots of women who would be happy to make porn, even enjoy it - exhibitionism is definitely a thing, and when practiced among consenting adults, obviously that’s fine.

I don’t even believe that the majority of porn was produced non-consensually (and there can’t be reliable stats on this so none of us can know really). But it’s like Russian Roulette isn’t it? I wouldn’t feel comfortable saying, well, there’s only a one in ten chance that I am actually watching someone being raped here - I like those odds - let’s crack on.....

The only way one could know for sure it was ethical is if one knew the people involved, I suppose. People producing porn for their friends and acquaintances seems fine to me, and perhaps that happens in some circles. I just wouldn’t want to participate in or watch anything sexual where I couldn’t be sure (as humanly possible) that all parties were fully consenting.

As for other jobs involving types of suffering for the workers too - well yeah - and I am concerned with the poor pay and conditions in lots of mainstream jobs people do. As just one example, delivery drivers work terrible hours for terrible pay. And yes I do still use Amazon, so there is a degree of hypocrisy from me there. But it’s a question of extent, isn’t it? If I felt there was even a moderate chance the Amazon driver was being anally raped in the course of bringing me my parcel, I would definitely be introducing a hard boycott.......

Lots of jobs have physical injury risks far greater than those in porn. If you think acting in porn is inherently humiliating and degrading for everyone involved, that says more about your value judgements than it does about reality.

Sure it does. Or perhaps as someone who has experienced a lot of sexual abuse, I understand the difference between doing an office job you hate and being sexually abused, exacerbated by the fact the abuse is filmed.

Even assuming that porn actors parse their career in the same way you do, in what way do you assume that they're being "coerced"?

I’m not assuming anything. I’m talking about the testimony of former porn performers, many of whom talk about the coercion, assault and rape they’ve experienced. I’m talking about cases like Girls Do Porn. I’m talking about the millions of women trafficked into sex work every year, and the fact that the viewer has no way of knowing whether they are watching something legitimately consensual or not (let alone the wider consideration of whether consent can be bought).

@awesomekillick

I think many women who don't watch porn might need to update their perception of what porn is these days. What used to be niche interest, so maybe something you might have drawn the line at your partner watching, like BDSM or anal penetration or water sports, is now mainstream normal porn. So when you say porn is ok" and you're thinking your DO us watching beautiful people having sex... you are very very wrong.

The normalisation of porn as a lifestyle choice, coincided with a massive increase in extreme misogynistic porn, and this speaks to the slow landslide of anti-women shit that is descending upon western societies

Yep, I stumbled across the twitter of an "empowered" porn film actress the other day, the scenes she was boasting about included double fisting, double vaginal penetration, and drinking her own urine and vomit.

She may be consenting but the porn is about nothing but degredation to women. And it was on bloody Twitter.

I watch porn, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It can be a problem if your bf is becoming obsessed and fantasizes about you differently in a sexual way like they do in porn videos.

@MummyHall

I watch porn, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It can be a problem if your bf is becoming obsessed and fantasizes about you differently in a sexual way like they do in porn videos.

🤦‍♀️