More help please. You were great last time.

[Ifixfastjets]

Last week , I asked what to say to my friend who recently lost her baby.
I also mentioned i have made a personal present for baby. Before baby died.

My next "plan" is to get a simple gift bag and a sympathy card.
What do I write in the card
I'm thinking along the lines of

Dear mum, dad, boy and girl
I am sorry to hear about the loss of your baby dd.
I made this "gift" for dd, when you told me you were pregnant. I personalised it when you told me you were naming her "x"
I hope it can bring you some small comfort, knowing me and "my dd" were looking forward to meeting "dd". "My dd" chose the wool for it.
We are here if you need anything

Love from jets and dd

I think that's lovely

Yes I think it's lovely.

I would just say thinking of you..here for you etc.

I wouldn't go into detail about my little girl choosing the wool and how you were looking forward to meeting the baby. To me that's displaying your upset and hurt.

I only say this because I have a friend who was inundated with the same kind of messages and they made her feel like crap and she felt they were insensitive.

But..everyone's different.

You sound like a lovely friend 💕

I think it’s thoughtful, kind and very well pitched, in terms of tone.

Nope. Too much. Tone it down a bit. Do you not think she's suffering enough without an onslaught of schmaltz?

ReverendRicketyCricket

I agree. That's pretty much what I meant..

I would hate that. I’m sorry but that would haunt me to get clothing for my child that never had the chance to wear it. Especially with their name on it.

I don’t think people want gifts. I feel they would just want the acknowledgment that you were there and thinking of them.

I personally wouldn’t go on about your DD as much. It would smack as rubbing it in my face even if you meant well

This is why I asked on here first!
I think I should have some comment of "I made it for "baby name" ?

I wouldn't op.

I would simply say I am here for you and get her a gift for herself.

I personally would've hated that. I can see that it comes from a loving place, but it's just too much.

It would be too raw to receive a named item of clothing for a baby that wont ever wear it. Get something nice for her. X

Honestly no. Every time she looks at that she's going to get a stab of pain. Just focus your no doubt good intentions on support unless and until she feels ready for the kind of thing you have in mind.

Yes Notimeforaname I agree also with what you posted.

I guess everybody is different but this is the last thing I'd want if I'd lost a baby.

Gosh I’m not sure. For me who has had multiple pregnancy losses that are oils have completely devastated me. All I wanted was a simple card with simple words. Nothing more.

I would absolutely not mention your child. Comes across as very insensitive (I'm sure you dont mean it that way but it is how I would percieve it)

Well you know her and we don’t, but if the preponderance of opinion is to cut it back, and tone it down, then that’s safest.

Personally I’d have been touched by your first draft, but better to slightly under do than to overdo it if you’re unsure.

Honestly no. Every time she looks at that she's going to get a stab of pain
Yes this would be my worry.

It clearly comes from a good place op but just not worth the risk I think.

I would send the present and say I was thinking of her and had made it when I knew she was pregnant. The bits about your DD are inappropriate I think as they will just remind her of what she is missing out on. Her DD and her will never get to go will shopping together.

*would have

Dear mum, dad, boy and girl
I am sorry to hear about the loss of NAME
I made this "gift" for NAME, when you told me you were pregnant and personalised it for her when you told me her name.
I hope it can bring you some small comfort, knowing that you and NAME are in our thoughts. "(& prayers" if appropriate to that individual)
We are here if you need anything.
Love from jets and dd

Sounds like you made a cardigan with baby's name on it? I know you mean well, but I suspect they would hate to receive that, and it could come across as "I went to all the effort to make this, I don't want it to go to waste, so I'm giving it to you anyway"

And I suggest you take out references to you / your daughter's sadness. This is about their loss, not yours

This article might interest you
www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/promoting-hope-preventing-suicide/201705/ring-theory-helps-us-bring-comfort-in

Hope this is helpful

I don't think you should give it to her. Too upsetting.

Why would a piece of clothing or personal affect, made for a baby that subsequently died, comfort the parent though? I don’t get it.