To think this is a snobby view?

[MiaMarshmallows]

Friend has been married for 35 years and never divorced.
She said the other day ' I find it so depressing when I see photos of a couple with their children and then less than a year later, said couple have split and there's a new woman/man in place acting like a new family all being photographed together. '

Just got my back up a bit.

@TheOneWithTheBigNose
I think there is an element of both. Some posters do suggest people should stick with it for the kids...others say leave and be happy. Some also say take your time with new relationships...others say crack on as long as kids come first!

Ranging diverse opinion. Which goes back to my previous point...you do you...and don't be so damn judgemental about other people's wishes or family arrangements!

I'm judgmental towards people who do damaging things to their children, especially for selfish reasons. We should all judge that.

Urgh, this thread is a very depressing read for someone (me!) who is considering whether to separate. Have a 3yo and husband can be very unpleasant and verbally abusive (to me only and not in front of our child) but terrified of ruining my daughter's life by breaking up her family home. Sounds like lots of posters have had a miserable childhood after their parents splitting

It’s not the splitting as such, more what comes after. The adults who have gone NC or who have at least to do as possible with parents are where the parents have quickly moved on and the adult relationship wants first.

Dating can be kept separate so as to leave the children out of it.

@handforther

Urgh, this thread is a very depressing read for someone (me!) who is considering whether to separate. Have a 3yo and husband can be very unpleasant and verbally abusive (to me only and not in front of our child) but terrified of ruining my daughter's life by breaking up her family home. Sounds like lots of posters have had a miserable childhood after their parents splitting

The whole thread is about moving new partners in minutes after your split with your children’s parent.

Not splitting up with a toxic partner.

Am reet happy for those of you who still have happy marriages after 500 years. Be thankful you didn't marry an abusive twat who didn't reveal his true colours til I was pregnant.

Believe me, I am very grateful.

But given that it seems many (most?) abusive men don’t show their true colours until they well and truly have their feet under the table - sometimes years down the line...

Doesn’t this make the case for not wheeling a new partner into your home and yours kids’ lives too soon, even stronger?

Absolutely @23PissOffAvenueWF - I don't disagree with you. Which is why I waited for many years before marrying my partner. I wasn't going to make that mistake again in a hurry.

Why snobby?

Divorce is hard on children, there’s no way of softening that it’s a tough thing for them to experience.

Then being blended with another person’s kids like one family, I think that’s sad initially because they’ve lost their original family structure and it takes time to adjust to a new one.

@HeyDemonsItsYaGirl

I'm judgmental towards people who do damaging things to their children, especially for selfish reasons. We should all judge that.

Should we? How does that translate into practice where no crime is committed? Shunning? Get the pitchforks out? Throw tomatoes? Or just impotently gossip about them online?

Being judgemental for the sake of it is utterly pointless so what is it that you're actually doing/how is that judgement expressed?

@Mumblechum0
"I also feel that a marriage which has lasted 30+ years is down to a lot more hard work than luck tbh."

To be honest, if a marriage lasts happily for 30+ years it's down to hard work as well as an enormous amount of luck. Luck of having married someone who 30 years on is as committed to working on the marriage as you are. And that's not something you can predict in a partner.

If only one person ends up working hard at sustaining a marriage, it won't help much.

@edwinbear
"I agree with your friend. It is sad that many children have to spend time ferried between two houses, incorporating new men (and their DC) into their family - often more than once. That is sad."

Why are you pointing out "new men" as a problem specifically, and so blame women for blended families? From my own experience and from what I see around me, usually "new women" are the problem, if you see new partners as an issue. I know many divorced women who cherish their new singledom and remain single for years. Whereas divorced men tend to jump from one relationship straight into the next (often overlapping the two).

I don't think there's anything snobby. Just a tragic breakdown in a family.

It's sad that so many marriages split up.

And there is something depressing when you see them try and set up a new family within a short time, kind of playing happy families.

I've known a few cases where it happens again and again in the same families. It's like they are just trying to get the appearance of the nice family and that will somehow give them the thing they are looking for. But they rush in and the foundations aren't there.

[quote JonSnowIsALoser]@edwinbear
"I agree with your friend. It is sad that many children have to spend time ferried between two houses, incorporating new men (and their DC) into their family - often more than once. That is sad."

Why are you pointing out "new men" as a problem specifically, and so blame women for blended families? From my own experience and from what I see around me, usually "new women" are the problem, if you see new partners as an issue. I know many divorced women who cherish their new singledom and remain single for years. Whereas divorced men tend to jump from one relationship straight into the next (often overlapping the two).[/quote]
New women are a problem too, but I think the concern with new men is that they are statistically much more of a risk to the kids. Which sucks if you are a divorced mum, but realistically it's something to be very aware of.