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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed at this teacher?

197 replies

durchsuchenden · 15/03/2021 20:41

My DS is 12. His dad passed away a few years ago. Today ds came home and he seemed upset and he told me that he was crying In last lesson and the teacher told him to get on with his work instead of crying as he's in year 7 now so he should start acting like it.

Ds told me that he asked to go to the toilet to get a tissue and the teacher refused and told him to stay after the lesson was finished. The teacher told ds that he needs to get on with his work instead of crying and acting like a 2 year old

Aibu to be annoyed and wibu to phone tje school tomorrow?

OP posts:
Greenmarmalade · 16/03/2021 11:41

Definitely bring it up with school. I’d contact the head of pastoral and ask for the situation to also be referred to that teacher’s line manager.

Could easily be a new teacher who has had minimal training (covid) or just a teacher who needs training/coaching regarding how to respond to upset children.

As a teacher, I can easily believe this story and wouldn’t question it at all. Some staff are really insensitive and not very empathetic. The current pressures on teachers are causing a lot of stress, which may be a factor.

jessstan2 · 16/03/2021 11:41

Dreadful. If a 12 year old cries publicly, there is a good reason for it.

Have a word about it - and make sure he has little pockets of tissues in his pockets.

Greenmarmalade · 16/03/2021 11:44

If any child cries there’s a reason for it, but it’s not always a massive issue (as it is in OP’s case). I’ve had secondary students who cry when they’re overtired or overwhelmed, or if I’m telling off another child and they get nervous. I’m sympathetic in all cases, even when they’re crying because they’re in trouble for something.

thedancingbear · 16/03/2021 11:59

@jessstan2

Dreadful. If a 12 year old cries publicly, there is a good reason for it.

Have a word about it - and make sure he has little pockets of tissues in his pockets.

No, apparently, if you read PPs, some boys just turn on the waterworks when they've been little shits, to try to get out of trouble.
Greenmarmalade · 16/03/2021 12:04

Still a reason, though. It’s the teacher’s responsibility to find that reason and nurture the child accordingly.

RootyT00t · 16/03/2021 12:24

Dancing, nobody said that.

HamFisted · 16/03/2021 12:30

Still a reason, though. It’s the teacher’s responsibility to find that reason and nurture the child accordingly.

In an ideal world. However, in a class of thirty who've missed most of the academic year already, with a rammed curriculum that's already difficult to fit in and no other adults in the class, there's probably not the time or space to take a kid to one side and have a long and gentle conversation not linked to the lesson at hand. It's basically emergency care to get to the end of the lesson- go wash your face in the toilets and we'll chat after the lesson/I'll refer to pastoral support/have a chat to parents.

I'm not saying the teacher on question responded well, but the idea that she'd stop what she was doing to try and unpick the reason for the tears and then nurture the child through it is a tad unrealistic.

hardboiledeggs · 16/03/2021 12:31

Bloody hell, at 12 he is still a child. Doesn't matter why he was crying, even if it was to get out of trouble it doesn't matter. A teacher has a duty to treat kids with respect, they are the adult. I get that kids can be hard work and some are just little shits but this teacher was out of order either way. She needs to answer to that or she is in the wrong job.

hardboiledeggs · 16/03/2021 12:32

If I spoke to anyone like that in my work, I would be punished immediately.

hardboiledeggs · 16/03/2021 12:32

@thedancingbear totally uncalled for.

Janegrey333 · 16/03/2021 12:34

Your son didn’t have a tissue?

ghostyslovesheets · 16/03/2021 12:38

Poor kid - look I work in education (not a teacher) and most teachers are hard working, decent people with kids at the centre of their work - but you DO get the odd twat - and even good ones have bad days

It DOESN'T matter why he was crying - the point is a 12 year old boy was crying in class and the teachers response was 'grow up' - that's not acceptable - it's a pretty toxic message and the kids probably needed a hug!

ghostyslovesheets · 16/03/2021 12:38

Kid not kids!

AnnaFiveTowns · 16/03/2021 12:40

Im a teacher and I can believe that this happened like this. Some teachers are twats.

thedancingbear · 16/03/2021 12:41

[quote hardboiledeggs]@thedancingbear totally uncalled for.[/quote]
Not all children who cry in lessons are in distress. Some children will absolutely use it as a tactic to avoid work or to get out of trouble. I'm not saying that the OP's child was, nor condoning the teachers' response. But it is naïve to think that children wouldn't cry on purpose.

And yes, some children do cry to get out of trouble. More often than not though there is some underlying issue but teachers are not mind readers. They deal with what is in front of them to begin with.

RootyT00t · 16/03/2021 12:45

@Janegrey333

Your son didn’t have a tissue?
Yeah, all 12year old boys carry tissues around with them all the time.
thedancingbear · 16/03/2021 12:46

Yeah, all 12year old boys carry tissues around with them all the time.

I've tried this with DS. He eats them.

RootyT00t · 16/03/2021 12:46

@thedancingbear

Yeah, all 12year old boys carry tissues around with them all the time.

I've tried this with DS. He eats them.

😂
Mylovelyhorsee · 16/03/2021 12:51

I’m a teacher. I’d hit the roof.

ChloeCrocodile · 16/03/2021 12:52

thedancingbear, I didn't say boys, I deliberately said children. Are you seriously suggesting that it never happens? That no child ever cries in order to get their own way?

Mylovelyhorsee · 16/03/2021 12:53

What lesson was it? Was there triggering content? We have students who have lost parents are before we teach anything triggering we call home and give them a heads up or give the student the option to opt out for one lesson. I’d be so angry if one of my staff scolded a child for crying.

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 16/03/2021 13:15

I would phone and get the whole story just incase teacher had wrong end if the stick ,but I can't imagine why a teacher would behave like that surely if a child is upset , you speak to them find out and maybe even call home
Years ago I was in first year at secondary and got upset in maths because I just was overwhelmed with the work, the teacher came and spoke to me asked one of my friends to stay behind whilst she spoke to me and made sure I was ok before going home and was very understanding
Any teacher who doesn't go to a child
Who is crying or even another adult tbh shouldn't be a teacher

Whenthesunshines · 16/03/2021 13:39

We need to lose the boys don't cry approach. It saddens me that it's still so prevalent, even on this thread

Just coming back on here to say that teenage boys do cry in school. They cry when they are sad, cry when they are angry, cry when they are hurt. It depends on the ethos of the school I suppose or maybe it’s because I’m old enough to be their ‘mum’ and it’s safe but believe me, if they need to cry they’ll cry!

Having said that, they ALSO cry if they’ve been mucking about and the teacher says that they are going to make a phone call home. Especially if the phone call means they are going to lose their Xbox for a week... 😅

hardboiledeggs · 16/03/2021 13:52

@thedancingbear I'm not saying the teachers need to be mind readers, they DO however need to be professional . I'm also not saying that 12 year old that cry for attention or to get out of trouble, what I'm saying is that as a teacher (a career show chose) she should not be speaking to anyone in that manor especially not a 12 year old CHILD! If she can't cope maybe it's time for her to retrain.

PegasusReturns · 16/03/2021 15:27

OP if you posted that your adult DD had been upset at work on the anniversary of her fathers death and her manager had told her to get on with her work and stop behaving like a two year old you’d have posters falling over themselves to tell you “HR now!” and that the behaviour was unacceptable.

Somehow you’ve stumbled into the twilight zone where teachers can do no wrong, 12 year olds should be “over” their parents death and boys should have tissues with them at all times 🙄

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