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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed at this teacher?

197 replies

durchsuchenden · 15/03/2021 20:41

My DS is 12. His dad passed away a few years ago. Today ds came home and he seemed upset and he told me that he was crying In last lesson and the teacher told him to get on with his work instead of crying as he's in year 7 now so he should start acting like it.

Ds told me that he asked to go to the toilet to get a tissue and the teacher refused and told him to stay after the lesson was finished. The teacher told ds that he needs to get on with his work instead of crying and acting like a 2 year old

Aibu to be annoyed and wibu to phone tje school tomorrow?

OP posts:
Windinmyhair · 15/03/2021 21:06

I don't care if the teacher didn't know.

You don't tell a child just to get on with their work and stop crying.

You need to be DAMN sure why they are crying and that they don't need your support/help.

You could miss a vital opportunity to support that child in a safeguarding situation.

Awful behaviour.

Shrivelled · 15/03/2021 21:06

I would want a meeting with the teacher to discuss this. Not only have they shown total lack of compassion but they’ve shown form for humiliating your child in front of others. I had a teacher like this as a child and the damage can be lasting.

user1487194234 · 15/03/2021 21:08

Why do people not want to believe this happened
Shocking

ChameleonClara · 15/03/2021 21:08

One of my children had a teacher who genuinely was like this. It is very uncommon but not impossible Angry

Babygotblueyes · 15/03/2021 21:08

It's very sad his dad passed away years ago, but if days like birthdays cause him to not want to go to school and burst into tears years later, it suggests he really needs some higher level of support over it.

@BrumBoo, 2 years is not very long and plenty of people get anniversary reactions. I dont think it is necessarily an issue of needing more help, perhaps would have been helpful if the school had known?

1Morewineplease · 15/03/2021 21:09

@durchsuchenden

Ds was crying because today would've been his dads birthday (I did say he didn't have to go to school but he said he wanted to).

Ds told me that he had his head on the desk and the person sitting next to him said he was crying and the teacher told him to sit up and do his work

Probably your son's teacher wasn't aware of this. Maybe email the school to remind them?
LizzieSiddal · 15/03/2021 21:10

It really doesn’t matter if the teacher had been informed about it being the fathers birthday. If a student was crying the teacher should have investigated the issue. Not told him off.

converseandjeans · 15/03/2021 21:11

brumboo you're being really harsh.

Not only have Year 7 had a disrupted year, it's a reminder of losing his Dad today, and he's 11 or 12 years old. They're also all over the place because of covid worries.

I think teacher was being really harsh. You shouldn't need to explain. Why would you even be able to predict he might be overwhelmed?

I would contact school to discuss.

BrumBoo · 15/03/2021 21:13

@Babygotblueyes I've reread a few times and can't see where you've got 2 years from?

BrumBoo · 15/03/2021 21:15

@converseandjeans

brumboo you're being really harsh.

Not only have Year 7 had a disrupted year, it's a reminder of losing his Dad today, and he's 11 or 12 years old. They're also all over the place because of covid worries.

I think teacher was being really harsh. You shouldn't need to explain. Why would you even be able to predict he might be overwhelmed?

I would contact school to discuss.

I've not denied the child has any reason not to be upset, I'm far more confused about the teacher's reaction. Not denying crap teachers either, but even by that standard this is odd.
Loopylobes · 15/03/2021 21:16

no teacher would do this

Some teachers would. Some teachers are arseholes, as are some nurses, some police officers, and some of all other professions.

NormanStangerson · 15/03/2021 21:21

Bloody hell

Drip feed and a half OP!

It isn’t really a drip feed @RootyT00t, the OP said her son’s dad had died and that he was crying in her post. The reason for his crying isn’t a massive leap, it was insinuated it was linked to his dad.

thedancingbear · 15/03/2021 21:25

@user1487194234

Why do people not want to believe this happened Shocking
Because it's a male child, I suspect.

Needs to man up, doesn't he?

2pinkginsplease · 15/03/2021 21:26

I would phone and ask for a chat with the teacher, I wouldn’t go in all guns blazing, I would want to explain the situation and hear her side of it.

However I would also have phoned the school this morning to explain that Ds might have been upset due to the day it is.

happytoday73 · 15/03/2021 21:28

Is there another child in the class that you know well enough to ask their parent about what happened today? It's often interesting what other boys come up with... My sons friends are often concerned for each other, fully get what's going on, can see it fairly and from both sides but don't yet have the skill/confidence to deal with

crochetmonkey74 · 15/03/2021 21:28

Definitely drop an email OP . I am a teacher and whilst I havent been in this exact position sometimes year 7 find it hard to verbalize what they need. So at times I've said "come outside and have a chat " or " would you like to pop to the loo to splash your face"(then I catch them outside the room on the way back) sometimes year 7 think they are just expected to stay though, even when the upset is a really serious thing. Definitely email as the teacher needs to be more sensitive

PrimulaAuricula · 15/03/2021 21:29

OP my children lost their dad in 2018. Dd2 (aged 14) sees a TA at school once a fortnight for a chat and catch up. Once she got upset in a lesson and was able to go and see the TA. Might something like that help your ds?

PrimulaAuricula · 15/03/2021 21:32

Just to mention the TA is good and experienced and has specific training in bereavement amongst other things. There was a similar TA at their primary school.

5zeds · 15/03/2021 21:32

It doesn’t really matter why he was crying. It could have been a child who was being bullied, abused, ill, had lost a pet, scared,....what a VERY poor response from her. Ask for a meeting and for what they would like ds to do if he is unable to cope. Insist they give him a safe way to find help. I’m so sorry for your loss and this unkindness. Sad

BelleSausage · 15/03/2021 21:35

That is awful. I would complain. And I never say complain. Your poor DS!

converseandjeans · 15/03/2021 21:35

5zeds

Agreed it's not actually relevant why he was crying. It could be anything that had upset him.

It's a good idea to see if he can get something in place in case it happens again.

RatsolutelyFabulous · 15/03/2021 21:35

That is absolutely disgraceful OP, your poor son. Even if the school/ teacher wasn’t aware about the significance of the date, the teacher had no right to act like that. He should of taken your son out the room to calm him down.

Those posters banging on that it doesn’t sound believable and a teacher can’t possibly be that awful. During my GCSE art lesson, I cut my hand on a bit of mesh wire I was using and said oww, my teacher was stood next to me and grinned at me whilst saying, by the state of your arms, you clearly liked it and it didn’t hurt, referring to my self harm.

Took myself straight out of his lesson and cried to my form tutor who immediately went to the head about it and he got a warning, he had form for being a nasty cunt so I’ve no doubt your boy is telling the truth.

He needs reporting, how awful and I hope your ds is feeling a bit better now.

saraclara · 15/03/2021 21:35

@Loopylobes

no teacher would do this

Some teachers would. Some teachers are arseholes, as are some nurses, some police officers, and some of all other professions.

Yes. And I'm a teacher.

Could it be that the teacher thought he was just playing up and not really crying at all?

If your DS has trigger days, I would definitely warn the school. You can't expect teachers to know something that that they've not been told. Even a crappy and unkind teacher isnt going to respond like this one if they've been informed in advance.

ItsMarch · 15/03/2021 21:36

YANBU I’d be on the phone first thing.

User65412 · 15/03/2021 21:37

Definitely speak to the school and it would be a good idea to speak to the teacher first. 10 years teaching and this happens so much. Not once has it been as the child has said (not that the children lie, but they see things differently sometimes!). It's very upsetting when parents come in guns blazing, angry and complain to head when it's not what happened. Heads are extremely busy and will just have to go to the teacher anyway to find out what happened. Reassure him that you will be looking into it and that you will do everything you can to help him. Of course, if it turns out it did happen the way he said, then you can take it further.

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