Friend keeps pretending about buying gift

[hellomom]

I just want to know if am being U being annoyed at this particular person, she has form for doing this a lot, prior to Xmas and birthdays, she'll send countless mssgs about what she's buying for me, can't wait to surprise me with a particular gift that I will truly love, even before I gave birth, went on and on about the things she is buying for my baby. Yet nothing was given.
I just had my birthday few days ago, prior to birthday she mssgd saying she can't wait for me to get my present, she finally has Amazon prime so can't wait to send something for my birthday.

Am not a child so really am not fussed about getting gifts, I really wouldn't care if she didn't give me a gift, although I have given her many gifts over the years, including a Pandora bracelet for Xmas being the most recent. Obvs I got nothing. But it's fine.

Anyways for my birthday she didn't send a present like she said she would when she couldn't stop going on about it, btw am not saying to her anything in regards to my birthday, or anything about any expectation from anyone in regards to gifts.
Am just really annoyed that she keeps essentially lying to me when there is no need! She wished me happy birthday dot on 12am, on our group chat, I then received gifts on the day via post from other members in our group chat, I thanked them on the group. She went very quiet and stopped mssging on the group.
Oh and before anyone wonders no one on the group mentioned my birthday or gifts prior to my actual birthday.

I feel like getting petty with her when it comes to her birthday and see how she feels!
Honestly there's just no need, don't lie! She's always done this and it's just extremely annoying and weird!!

YANBU. I know what you mean, it does seem odd. I understand how you wouldn't be bothered if you don't get anything, but it's odd to tell you about something, then not send you anything...

Have you actually ever said that you haven't received these promised gifts? Take the most recent one - from Amazon prime. You could have gone back and asked what day it was sent as you didn't receive anything. At least that way you know for definite she hasn't sent it if she starts making excuses. Does she do the same with the other friends in the group? There is no way in hell I'd be sending her a gift for any occasion from now on.

Is she skint? She might plan to send you gifts and then not be able to afford it.

This is quite odd. Is she struggling financially but is too embarrassed to say?

I'd ask 'why do you always go on about presents but not give me anything, I find it odd and I don't want to be part of this game any more.'

Yep weird. And a bit rude to be honest. I'd stop buying for her

Just don't engage with it and if you want to buy for her buy a token gift. It sounds very odd but don't give it head space. Just roll your eyes .

It's very strange. Reminds me of my friends mum who is a bit of a fantasist, as a result of mental health problems. She lives abroad. One day phoned friend excited she had won a big prize (not main prize) on lottery, booked flight, coming to visit friend, so excited. Lots of these calls. Eventually friend turned up to meet her at airport and ... nothing. All a fantasy. Poor lady can't actually help it. She really believes what she saying until she can't any more.

It’s strange to make a big fuss of it and then produce nothing. Maybe she’s embarrassed and over compensating? But even a token gift like a bottle of wine or chocs would probably be fine - or nothing really.

I think I would just stop buying for her.

YANBU. I also know someone that does this, my mother in law 🤣

It sounds like she wants to be recognised for her gifts to you but isn't actually buying them and sending them to you.
She has a problem.
Either call her out or is ore and stop buying her presents .
As she has firm for this, why did you buy her a Pandora bracelet?

I’d stop buying for her. Some people are very good at talking and making promises as if that will keep the friendship going.

Words are worthless. I don’t value people who talk a lot but do nothing. I’d cool the friendship or actually address it frankly with her and tell her it is very odd behaviour and you don’t understand it.

I had an ex like this. He would constantly tell me of things he had bought me. They were always on their way, and I received nothing.
I called him out on it when he promised my son something and didn't follow through with it. This resulted in him borrowing money from elsewhere to get what he promised. He never lied about gifts again after that.

He lied about anything and everything. He couldn't even be honest about what he had bought from the shop. Then made out that I was crazy for insisting he just told me the truth about the stupidest shit! Lol

This kind of person is extremely frustrating. Call them out and tell them that you haven't received the gift they have sent, you know how fast prime usually is so you're concerned it has got lost and you don't want her losing out on money for nothing.

Just send her a message “hi friend, just wondering if you have the correct address for me as a few times now you‘ve mentioned sending presents that never arrived.”

She sounds like a compulsive liar. They are quite dangerous in my experience.

In our wider friendship group we had one woman claiming to have a really good job in the NHS, then was on the front line treating covid patients etc. Turns out she is a complete fantasist and doesn’t work anywhere. Pretty much everything she says is a lie and has caused a lot of trouble.

Do you enjoy her friendship? If not I would take a step back. It never ends well.

She wants to feel good by 'offering' this presents but has no intention on following through.

Unfortunately every time you send her a present, you re-enforce to her that this is ok.

Do not send her anything else, just text her happy Birthday / Merry Christmas and that's it!

YANBU. Agree with the PP who said to ask her innocently what day the Amazon present was delivered and can she forward the delivery email with photo of where it was left...

She probably thinks the thought is enough.

She thought about it. A lot.

Stop buying her gifts!

@Shrivelled

Just send her a message “hi friend, just wondering if you have the correct address for me as a few times now you‘ve mentioned sending presents that never arrived.”

This

Stop buying her gifts!

I’d respond to her messages promising a gift, saying you’re really worried because her gift hasn’t arrived and you’re afraid someone might have stolen it.

Have you never said anything? Why havent you just said, "I'm not really sure why you do this on every occasion because you've never actually given me any of the gifts you say are coming. We're all grown ups, we dont need gifts, just a happy birthday message is enough so let's stop with all the false promises ok?"

YANBU - I have a friend who does this. She will tell me for weeks how she’s gotten the perfect gift and it’s so amazing, it’s all wrapped and ready for my birthday and then.... nothing. I’m not even bothered about getting anything but it’s the weird, excessive lying 😂

I had a friend just like this in school! She would always bang on about what she had bought me, how cute the moonpig card is….then nothing on my birthday. It was sooo weird

She was well off, it was just that she’d rather spend her money on her, than I. Which is fine but there’s no need to pretend you’re buying me something - she just did that to keep up appearances, especially in front of the rest of our group

As you can imagine, after we left school we didn’t stay in touch. We didn’t fall out over this, but it was obvious we were just friends because we saw each other full time. In reality we weren’t actually real friends