Friend keeps pretending about buying gift

[hellomom]

I just want to know if am being U being annoyed at this particular person, she has form for doing this a lot, prior to Xmas and birthdays, she'll send countless mssgs about what she's buying for me, can't wait to surprise me with a particular gift that I will truly love, even before I gave birth, went on and on about the things she is buying for my baby. Yet nothing was given.
I just had my birthday few days ago, prior to birthday she mssgd saying she can't wait for me to get my present, she finally has Amazon prime so can't wait to send something for my birthday.

Am not a child so really am not fussed about getting gifts, I really wouldn't care if she didn't give me a gift, although I have given her many gifts over the years, including a Pandora bracelet for Xmas being the most recent. Obvs I got nothing. But it's fine.

Anyways for my birthday she didn't send a present like she said she would when she couldn't stop going on about it, btw am not saying to her anything in regards to my birthday, or anything about any expectation from anyone in regards to gifts.
Am just really annoyed that she keeps essentially lying to me when there is no need! She wished me happy birthday dot on 12am, on our group chat, I then received gifts on the day via post from other members in our group chat, I thanked them on the group. She went very quiet and stopped mssging on the group.
Oh and before anyone wonders no one on the group mentioned my birthday or gifts prior to my actual birthday.

I feel like getting petty with her when it comes to her birthday and see how she feels!
Honestly there's just no need, don't lie! She's always done this and it's just extremely annoying and weird!!

Clearly she has issues of some kind. Challenging her isn't likely to resolve things.

Could it be that she is going through some financial issues and just don't want to lose face in a group chat with friends? Are you close friends or just a part of the group or something?

If you are close to each other then it would be worth mentioning that you really don't expect gifts from anyone and then stop sending gifts to her.

I'd imagine that when she sends these sorts of messages people respond with, oh how kind/how lovely of you/you are so thoughtful and she gets the thrill from that but never had any intention of actually buying the gifts because she has what she wants (the acknowledgement of her wonderfulness) and that's enough for her. She doesn't actually care about anybody else feeling happy when the present arrives/disappointed when it doesn't. It's just so very odd to keep on doing it though. I think I'd have to say something along the lines of what PPs have suggested. Just a simple, to be honest, all these messages about presents that never arrive are starting to make me feel uncomfortable. Shall we just say we won't bother with gifts from now on? Meaning, of course, you're not going to he buying her anything now as she never bothers with you. It's just so unnecessary (and annoying) to keep going on about it, knowing she's never going to send it!

Stop buying presents for the weirdo

@Imissmoominmama

Is she skint? She might plan to send you gifts and then not be able to afford it.

But then why go on and on about it

Does she have your address? Maybe she's sending them to the wrong place?

Yes it's very strange behaviour and I'd be tempted to ask her about it.

She's perfectly fine financially, she has zero outgoings, lives at her parents, no rent, no bills, no car payment, no phone payment either, she's on pay as you go and from what I know she buys some sort of £10 bundle which lasts the whole month.

I think one poster said it correct, she's a compulsive liar, that's exactly it. Has to be it. She actually has done this with another friend couple of years ago, where she gave a full list of what she's bought for this friend except gave her zilch when they saw each other.

I can already imagine the lies she would come up with if I ask about the Amazon package not arriving yet, perhaps stolen? She will use exactly that and say she sent it and must've gotten lost.

Her birthday is in May if anyone has suggestions

I wouldn’t buy anything for her - or mention a gift. We’ll be out of lockdown by then, you’ll have plenty going on so it will naturally slip your mind.

Gifts don’t have to reciprocal. However I don’t think you should buy her one on the basis that she thinks it’s okay to lie and mug you off like this, no one’s forcing her to get you anything, nor is she being forced to mislead you. She chose to do that.

@Beseigedbykillersquirrels

I'd imagine that when she sends these sorts of messages people respond with, oh how kind/how lovely of you/you are so thoughtful and she gets the thrill from that but never had any intention of actually buying the gifts because she has what she wants (the acknowledgement of her wonderfulness) and that's enough for her. She doesn't actually care about anybody else feeling happy when the present arrives/disappointed when it doesn't. It's just so very odd to keep on doing it though. I think I'd have to say something along the lines of what PPs have suggested. Just a simple, to be honest, all these messages about presents that never arrive are starting to make me feel uncomfortable. Shall we just say we won't bother with gifts from now on? Meaning, of course, you're not going to he buying her anything now as she never bothers with you. It's just so unnecessary (and annoying) to keep going on about it, knowing she's never going to send it!

I think this is what is going on.

So, when she sends "countless mssgs about what she's buying for me, can't wait to surprise me with a particular gift that I will truly love" - how do you respond? Because whatever you are doing now, it's not working, it's feeding the monster. I suspect you are saying nothing. I think it's time to respond along the lines of 'We both know there's no present, and I'd rather you stopped these lies.'

And for goodness sake, stop buying her presents! She's taking that as permission to keep doing this.

I don’t mean this in a nasty way but if that’s her lifestyle, it could explain why she’s a compulsive liar. Deep down she might think she’s “behind” in life compared to you so feels she needs to big herself up by lying perhaps

Just say to her in May you are sending her a big parcel, say it’s car full of diamonds and chocolate and a kitten and then never mention it again.

I certainly wouldn’t be buying her more presents. Pandora bracelets aren’t cheap. Why do you keep buying her expensive gifts?

Reply to her & ask for order details as you want to raise this issue with Amazon as nothing has arrived & its not on. See what response you get. If she admits she has not sent anything then tell her that's fine but no more misleading untruthful gushing about sending gifts when she has done no such thing. V v annoying. I too wouldn't give a toss if received no gift at all but this pretence of her is ridiclous.

The next time she promises me a gift, I'd be like "lol, you're so funny" and "Sure, Jan" and just totally pull the piss out of her.

And I'd never buy her Jack shit ever again.

Well for starters stop buying her a present just send a happy birthday message. In future I wouldn’t even acknowledge any messages about what she plans to get you just change the subject

To be honest is probably just be distancing myself now. It’s odd behaviour

Is this the only thing she lies about or now you have clocked on, can you think of other times she may have been lying?

I’d be unable to resist saying something. I’d say something along the lines “this is really embarrassing but all of the things you’ve mentioned have never turned up. I contacted the police as it occurred to me there could be a fraud /serious theft happening and they will be in contact with you. All they need is a copy of the email confirmation for the order(s) as it will have all the references and they will investigate. You’ll have to give a statement but as a witness, not that they suspect you of anything so don’t worry!. They said they could come to work or home - apparently this is massive during lockdown and they are coming down hard on perpetrators”.
Then I can be an arse sometimes and push things a bit far.

@AWhisperWillDoIfThatsAllYouCan

Have you never said anything? Why havent you just said, "I'm not really sure why you do this on every occasion because you've never actually given me any of the gifts you say are coming. We're all grown ups, we dont need gifts, just a happy birthday message is enough so let's stop with all the false promises ok?"

This.

@AWhisperWillDoIfThatsAllYouCan

Have you never said anything? Why havent you just said, "I'm not really sure why you do this on every occasion because you've never actually given me any of the gifts you say are coming. We're all grown ups, we dont need gifts, just a happy birthday message is enough so let's stop with all the false promises ok?"

I think this is a perfectly polite and honest response OP. I'd send her this as a text and if she ever does it again I'd reply "I won't be holding my breath"

@SionnachGlic

Reply to her & ask for order details as you want to raise this issue with Amazon as nothing has arrived & its not on. See what response you get. If she admits she has not sent anything then tell her that's fine but no more misleading untruthful gushing about sending gifts when she has done no such thing. V v annoying. I too wouldn't give a toss if received no gift at all but this pretence of her is ridiclous.

I wouldn’t do that, because it just gives her an “out”/a ready made excuse she can rinse out. She won’t feel ashamed, she’ll just start slandering Amazon and act like it’s a real scenario.

Get her a bag of nowt for her birthday
No seriously, though I'd make up an occasion (or wait for the next one) then cut in when she's going off on one about her big plans and simply ask why she insists on this charade every time. Just out of curiosity as to what she would say. 'Yeah but why are you saying this? You never come up with the goods. Why is that?'
It's intriguing! I was seeing someone who did the same. It was so, so bizarre that I finished with him very quickly. It's actually scary when someone is swearing blind that something is true when you know it isn't

Does she do this with the rest of your friends? I think she’ll naturally get the hint once everyone else in your group chat gets gifts and she doesn’t.

People are weird! I used to have a friend who would remind me of her birthday every year, arrange to meet up just beforehand so that I felt obliged to buy her a present, then totally ignore my birthday a month later. Not even a text. I'm not friends with her any more.

She’s a fantasist, or very disorganised.