Friend keeps pretending about buying gift

[hellomom]

I just want to know if am being U being annoyed at this particular person, she has form for doing this a lot, prior to Xmas and birthdays, she'll send countless mssgs about what she's buying for me, can't wait to surprise me with a particular gift that I will truly love, even before I gave birth, went on and on about the things she is buying for my baby. Yet nothing was given.
I just had my birthday few days ago, prior to birthday she mssgd saying she can't wait for me to get my present, she finally has Amazon prime so can't wait to send something for my birthday.

Am not a child so really am not fussed about getting gifts, I really wouldn't care if she didn't give me a gift, although I have given her many gifts over the years, including a Pandora bracelet for Xmas being the most recent. Obvs I got nothing. But it's fine.

Anyways for my birthday she didn't send a present like she said she would when she couldn't stop going on about it, btw am not saying to her anything in regards to my birthday, or anything about any expectation from anyone in regards to gifts.
Am just really annoyed that she keeps essentially lying to me when there is no need! She wished me happy birthday dot on 12am, on our group chat, I then received gifts on the day via post from other members in our group chat, I thanked them on the group. She went very quiet and stopped mssging on the group.
Oh and before anyone wonders no one on the group mentioned my birthday or gifts prior to my actual birthday.

I feel like getting petty with her when it comes to her birthday and see how she feels!
Honestly there's just no need, don't lie! She's always done this and it's just extremely annoying and weird!!

Stop buying her gifts, she is all talk and no action, can’t you see through her? sorry to be blunt.

Do exactly the same when it's her birthday. Ask her what she wants, keep sending her messages about all the great ideas you have, how excited you are for her to see it.
Then do nothing.
When/if she asks you can either point out this is how you feel when she does it to you, or completely ignore and hope she gets the message.

Has she misunderstood the phrase "it's the thought that counts"?

That is very odd. Mention it to her, call her out on it. Compulsive liars hate being humiliated ime.

The mature responses here are perfect and surely the correct way to deal with this, but I’d be so tempted to make a big song and dance about an amazing present for her before her birthday and then never mention it again. Especially if any other friends in the group that she’s done this to do the same.

I have been distancing myself from a compulsive liar friend though, they are beyond exhausting

Yes my MIL did this when my first baby was due. We were v young and she'd told us not to worry, I'd been trying to get hold of second hand crib & necessities, 'don't worry about looking for all that I have bought you half of it and I want to buy the rest'.
Well all she ended up getting was two baby towels.
And I was in the last couple of weeks desperately trying to source everything with v little money.

I wouldn't have minded buying everything second hand, gradually, I don't know why she strung me along.

Baby is 6 now! And has already clocked her grandmother's empty promises.

Literally have the same situation with someone in my family! When i was pregnant, family member was going on and on about all the things she was buying my baby and was even telling me what items she was getting them or had already brought. Literally never received any of those baby gifts. she also told me about the extravagant baby shower she was planning for me which i never got. At Christmas she went on and on for months prior about how she'd already brought loads of presents ready for my DC for Christmas, told us not to buy a certain thing that we was going to get because she had already brought it for them! Im talking like loads of different gifts she was going on about, all sounded so lovely and we didn't get the toy we was going to get our dc because she had already got it for them (so she said).. Then Christmas came and nothing was ever given or even mentioned again. Oh and apparently she was saving money away in an isa for dc for when they are older which i can guarantee is also just a random fantasy. So strange, i dunno why she has to lie for.

YANBU my sister does this but usually around Xmas time - so I think she’s getting me something amazing so spend more on her gift and I end up getting her something really nice and pretty expensive and she’ll end up getting me socks. It happens every year you would think I would have learnt my lesson.

I’d have to say you haven’t received your gift yet and are worried as Amazon prime are pretty good and you’ll ring them to see where it is. Next time do not give her her present until you get yours. She might be buying it and then keeping it for herself.

Has she misunderstood the phrase "it's the thought that counts"?

Send her a beautifully wrapped empty box for her birthday- with a label that says “I hope you like it, I thought the one you got me for my birthday was so wonderful I thought I’d get you the same.xx”

Just do the same back, go on about the gifts you got her and get her nothing. Do the exact same thing.

And if she questions where it is, say oh I didn’t wish to raise it but since you habe I was wondering the same about yours?

My BIL does this. He will even say it’s been posted. When you chase it up there is some ludicrous reason the post office have returned it to him. Then he will go quiet and try to get away with not sending anything. Same with birthday cards, sometimes they turn up weeks and weeks late.

Next time I would just say oh XX you are so funny, talking about these gifts when you know you won’t be buying one, please stop

@Honeyroar

Send her a beautifully wrapped empty box for her birthday- with a label that says “I hope you like it, I thought the one you got me for my birthday was so wonderful I thought I’d get you the same.xx”

I honestly have spent a large part of my life trying to understand people like this especially when they carry it on and on but yes one chance and they don’t get a present in return absolutely not a chance. It’s actually really sad I struggle to understand this behaviour

My sister does this but with my children drives me nuts I don’t care they don’t care but we do care when you keep going on about it and not delivering. Now they see older we laugh about it !

Honeyroar

Do exactly the same when it's her birthday. Ask her what she wants, keep sending her messages about all the great ideas you have, how excited you are for her to see it.
Then do nothing.

No, don't get her nothing - get her a charity goat. Even better if you or anybody you know has an old box from a MacBook or huge top of the range telly or similar that you could put the card in to present it beautifully.

Honestly those of you who have family members who pull this shit, you're close enough to them to just butt in and say, 'stop! You're lying again'. Such odd behaviour.

Buy her tickets for an all-expenses-paid luxury holiday in Elevenerife!

Suggest to her that she hangs on to your present and you meet up in person nearer her birthday to have a present exchange/celebration as there should be fewer restrictions then.
Buy her something that you also like, and that is small in size, and will fit in your handbag.
Then wait for her to give you your present.
If she doesn’t, then don’t give her hers. If she says she forgot to bring it, say ‘I forgot too’ and never buy her another present again.

If you want to keep the friendship I’d offer her an easy way out and just say that instead of presents why don’t you just have a nice night out together.

It is totally bizarre behaviour when my sister says it I always say oh it’s fine don’t worry they get enough etc etc but she will go on no no we want to. Literally never happens peed me off when they were little especially when she wouldn’t say it to them.

@PRsecrets just out of interest, do you ever consider how your friends (or family etc) feel when you do that? Your reasoning is fine, but you’re aware you get this anxiety, so it’s probably for the best not announce you have got them a gift to begin with

*would say it to them