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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feed my 1 year old outside

885 replies

Dandylioness1 · 14/03/2021 16:16

My son is 13 months old.

I met my friend for a walk in the park this morning.

Her daughter is 2 years old.

We’d been walking a while and my son started to become unsettled and was asking for “boob boob”

I told my friend I’d stop at the next bench and let him have some milk.

She seemed mortified by this idea. She asked me if I could give him some water instead and that he was too old for me to be feeding him in public.

I told her I would be discreet about it but she said it was just about being discreet and that it’s also an issue that he’s 13 months and doesn’t need breastmilk, she said I should offer him water or a snack instead.

I ignored what she said I found a place to sit and let my son have some milk.

It’s made me feel pretty bad now and as a first time mum (who’s spent my sons first year in a global pandemic and lockdowns) i feel like I’m doing it all wrong. 🙁

AIBU to feed him on demand at this age?

OP posts:
canonlydoblue · 14/03/2021 17:08

@requitalissima

What would you rather he asked for?

Original poster
Dandylioness1 · 14/03/2021 17:08

@Wondermule

You seem confident and capable of defending your parenting choices all of a sudden, so I’m going to conclude this thread is more about fishing for bfing compliments!

I’m always going to defend my parenting choices, like when I chose to feed my son even after my friend told me not to. It’s a choice I was happy with.

I just wanted to gain some insight into how other mums view a 13 month old being offered boob on demand and outside.

I’m certainly not fishing for any compliments.

OP posts:
DeepThinkingGirl · 14/03/2021 17:08

This is deeply unsettling...

Why would anyone think there is anything wrong with breastfeedinf a 13 month old

I’ve done it everywhere ! Now I’m gonna be conscious of all those judgemental attitudes

DeepThinkingGirl · 14/03/2021 17:09

I’m shocked your friend would interfere in that way!. Awful ...

Wondermule · 14/03/2021 17:12

[quote Dandylioness1]@Wondermule

You seem confident and capable of defending your parenting choices all of a sudden, so I’m going to conclude this thread is more about fishing for bfing compliments!

I’m always going to defend my parenting choices, like when I chose to feed my son even after my friend told me not to. It’s a choice I was happy with.

I just wanted to gain some insight into how other mums view a 13 month old being offered boob on demand and outside.

I’m certainly not fishing for any compliments.[/quote]
If you’re happy with it, why come on here looking for outrage? Assert to your friend that you were going to feed your son, and ask her why it makes her uncomfortable. We’re not psychics at the end of the day!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/03/2021 17:13

I agree that it’s absolutely fine to feed a 13 month old, and to feed them (or any infant) in public.

There was nothing wrong with what you chose to do.

I do think it’s important to say it was a choice though- a 13 mo doesn’t need to be fed on demand, and it didn’t have to be breast milk, a drink and / or snack would have been fine. But that doesn’t mean you can’t choose to bf him on a bench if that suits you and him.

Jent13c · 14/03/2021 17:13

I fed my first until 18 months and I would say that I noticed peoples perceptions did change after a year. It felt like before a year everyone expected me to BF him then after that people assumed I was doing it for attention if I fed him in public. I think some BF babies don't comply to the whole morning and night feed...mine fed at least hourly and it was the ultimate comforter. However all the same I was glad when I stopped.

Kolo · 14/03/2021 17:13

You did absolutely the right thing. Very natural to feed your infant. It's a shame some people like your friend, and some PP on this thread, have been so affected by the sexualisation and objectification of women's bodies that they can find something 'wrong' about a mother feeding their child.

Abouttimemum · 14/03/2021 17:14

If I was out and about with a friend I’d have just taken snacks tbh.
Nothing wrong with breastfeeding at that age though, obviously.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 14/03/2021 17:15

OP - your friend and some posters here demonstrate the shit that surrounds breastfeeding and the sheer judginess that breastfeeding mothers have to deal with. .

Carry on and do what is best for you and your child.

I can see that she might have felt too cold to sit on a bench and get her 2 year old to wait in the cold for 10 or 15 mins or so, but she could have walked on, said 'there's a bench in the playground, we could go there' or said she would meet you in the playground.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/03/2021 17:16

Maybe it was more that she didn’t want to stop and get cold, or thought her own 2 yo would get fed up if you sat about though?

Sciurus83 · 14/03/2021 17:18

Your friend is a monster. As you were!

Original poster
Dandylioness1 · 14/03/2021 17:18

@Wondermule

If you’re happy with it, why come on here looking for outrage? Assert to your friend that you were going to feed your son, and ask her why it makes her uncomfortable. We’re not psychics at the end of the day!

Because as I stated in my posts, I’m a first time mum, living in very strange pandemic times.

I don’t have a lot of experience of feeding outdoors and the times I have fed outdoors I have been with my husband or mum, neither of which have ever had an issue with it.

I also don’t have a lot of mum friends (hard to meet many on lockdown maternity leave) and today was the first time I’ve been made to feel as if what I was doing wasn’t normal.

I’m really not trying to create outrage, I just wanted to hear if others mums felt this way too.

OP posts:
12345ct · 14/03/2021 17:19

I agreed with your friend because of the urgency to stop on a damp bench and not to wait for a more comfortable place as your son didn't need feeding urgently like a younger baby that solely relies on milk. Breastfeeding doesn't make me feel uncomfortable I also breastfeeding my children and still currently doing so.

dinosforall · 14/03/2021 17:20

Plenty of people have their own mental line in the sand age/statewise when it comes to bf. Mine is when they are old enough to ask for it.

However, I am grown-up enough to accept that other people have different views on the subject so would have kept my mouth shut.

thosetalesofunexpected · 14/03/2021 17:21

I don't see anything wrong with discreet breast feeding in public such as the park,

you could aswell,take water and a nutritional snack with you too for your 13 month old.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 14/03/2021 17:22

You can feed your baby wherever you want.

However from age 1 solid food becomes a childs main source of energy and nutrition, and many people find it's more convenient if a toddler is hungry when out to offer a snack they can eat on the go etc.

From a purely nutrition/hydration perspective a toddler no long needs to be fed on demand. In fact most advice is to offer solid food before milk for meals. But it's often about comfort at that age - they are doing it because it's nice and they want to. So it really depends on whether you want to when out and out about with friends etc.

Bagamoyo1 · 14/03/2021 17:24

You did nothing wrong OP.
Did your friend ever breastfeed by the way? I’ll guess not, or at least not for long.

beyondtheshoe · 14/03/2021 17:25

Some would say that when someone is old enough to ask for his food, he's too old for "boob boob".

There's a time when it might be wise to cut that umbilical cord you know!

CherryPavlova · 14/03/2021 17:25

Ignore those suggsting that giving breastmilk is somehow a negative idea and a banana or water would be better. Filling thirsty infants with bananas is a pretty sure fire recipe for fat children. Breastfeeding reduces incidence of obesity as well as conferring other significant lifelong advantages.
A bench seems like a good place and much more comfortable than whilst seated in a supermarket trolley or on a car park railing.

museumum · 14/03/2021 17:25

Absolutely ok if you’re happy with that.

Personally at 13mo I wouldn’t feed my dc on demand while out and about but that was only because by that stage I wanted to wear normal clothes without easy access and to keep my coat zipped up outside when it’s cold. I’d give dc a drink and food snack in the buggy or carrier rather than stop.
(I was feeding mornings and evenings at home at this point).

Wondermule · 14/03/2021 17:26

[quote Dandylioness1]@Wondermule

If you’re happy with it, why come on here looking for outrage? Assert to your friend that you were going to feed your son, and ask her why it makes her uncomfortable. We’re not psychics at the end of the day!

Because as I stated in my posts, I’m a first time mum, living in very strange pandemic times.

I don’t have a lot of experience of feeding outdoors and the times I have fed outdoors I have been with my husband or mum, neither of which have ever had an issue with it.

I also don’t have a lot of mum friends (hard to meet many on lockdown maternity leave) and today was the first time I’ve been made to feel as if what I was doing wasn’t normal.

I’m really not trying to create outrage, I just wanted to hear if others mums felt this way too.[/quote]
Your post is asking if it is unreasonable to feed a 1 year old outside Hmm not asking if other mums felt criticised for bfing outside as well. But okay, good luck OP I shall now bow out!

Tianatiers · 14/03/2021 17:29

Of course YANBU, how is it any of your friend's business how, where or what you feed your child?

Dragongirl10 · 14/03/2021 17:30

Nothing wrong with breastfeeding your ds for as long as you want to, but please teach him to say milk rather than boob...

AlexaShutUp · 14/03/2021 17:31

Some would say that when someone is old enough to ask for his food, he's too old for "boob boob".

So early talkers should be penalised?