To feed my 1 year old outside

[Dandylioness1]

My son is 13 months old.

I met my friend for a walk in the park this morning.

Her daughter is 2 years old.

We’d been walking a while and my son started to become unsettled and was asking for “boob boob”

I told my friend I’d stop at the next bench and let him have some milk.

She seemed mortified by this idea. She asked me if I could give him some water instead and that he was too old for me to be feeding him in public.

I told her I would be discreet about it but she said it was just about being discreet and that it’s also an issue that he’s 13 months and doesn’t need breastmilk, she said I should offer him water or a snack instead.

I ignored what she said I found a place to sit and let my son have some milk.

It’s made me feel pretty bad now and as a first time mum (who’s spent my sons first year in a global pandemic and lockdowns) i feel like I’m doing it all wrong. 🙁

AIBU to feed him on demand at this age?

@itsgettingwierd

Your child was hungry.

You fed him.

You seem a pretty good mum to me

I am bf a 15 mo. At that age bm is about hunger, it’s about comfort and attention seeking. It’s not the end of the world if you make them wait until convenient for you.

Had I been the friend I would’ve been a bit 🙄 at having to stop in the cold and sit on a damp bench for an indeterminate amount of time, no other drink or snack would require that so I would be a bit ‘Really? Now?’

Do what feels right to you. Your friend doesn’t sound very nice and to be honest it’s non of her business.
At that age I was definitely still feeding on a bench. At 18 months I started to feed mostly at home, but wouldn’t deny it if she asked.

@HTH1

Sorry, I would have been embarrassed too. A babe in arms, fine, but the child walking next to you?

@HTH1

He’s actually not fully walking yet. He was in his pram.
Does that make a difference?

I would find it a little odd to have to do this at that stage but I wouldn't say anything to anyone in real life about it.

Because I know that feeding until 2 is fairly standard from a biological perspective and dc have a right to be fed.

Internally I would have thought really, we couldn't just give a push and go drink or snack?

YANBU. Your friend sounds like a right knob.

By 13 months I was trying only to feed morning and night for my own sanity. But there are no hard and fast rules that you must cut out the boob at all other times!

It's great that you're still breastfeeding. You certainly should not made to feel bad about it.

Would she have had the same problem if you’d given him formula or cow’s milk in a bottle or cup? I mean the only context she might have been reasonable in would be “it’s nippy and I really don’t want to sit on a cold damp bench”, but even then that doesn’t make you unreasonable to feed your child.

@HTH1

Sorry, I would have been embarrassed too. A babe in arms, fine, but the child walking next to you?

My child is almost 14 months and doesn’t walk - still a babe in arms as I wear her in a carrier. So that would be okay for you?

This thread is pretty sad. Why should someone else’s embarrassment mean we ignore the needs of little children?! That’s your issues to sort out and deal with, not other people’s.

I walked with friends yesterday and my child asked for milk. We waited until there was somewhere for me to sit, and it never crossed my mind to even ask my friends if it was okay. I said “DD is asking for milk, I’ll give her some once there’s somewhere for me to sit in a minute”.
4 of us plus dog just continued our conversation whilst I nursed. And they even looked me in the eyes and face when I talked! And we weren’t all female 😱

Your friend is is bitch and was out of order! I still breastfeed my son who is 20 months. The WHO recommends breastfeeding until 2 years and beyond. You dont need friends like that

Christ this is getting worse to read

13 months is too old now is it because they aren’t a “babe in arms”

Well my youngest didn’t walk till 15 months and my oldest was 18 months.

So what does that mean? Were they young enough because they couldn’t walk yet?

I didn’t BF btw. I bottle fed but I disagree with people saying it’s gross and baby was too old

I bf to 20 months. Personally, I was so pleased when DS reached the age when he would be ok with a snack or some water and I didn't have to whip it out in public. But if you're fine with it, then it's clearly ok and nothing to be embarrassed about (and your friend is being a bit silly).

Having said that, I'm not sure I would have waited for you on a cold park bench with a 2yo. I would probably have said, "No worries, you crack on and we'll continue with our walk. You can catch us up or we'll catch you later." I'd respect your choices but I'm not sure I'd sit around in the cold for them!

You’ve done nothing wrong at all OP. Feed your baby where and whenever you like. He can also call it what he likes too. Finding his own words to express what he wants is the way they develop their language skills.

People are stupid.

@Wondermule

Had I been the friend I would’ve been a bit 🙄 at having to stop in the cold and sit on a damp bench for an indeterminate amount of time, no other drink or snack would require that so I would be a bit ‘Really? Now?’

@Wondermule

I think you’ve made yourself clear that you feel uncomfortable seeing an older baby being breastfed.

Do you think that’s because you only fed until 6 months yourself? Did you stop because of how feeding an older baby makes you feel?

My friend didn’t have to sit on a cold damp bench (not sure where you are but there’s no rain where I am today)
She didn’t have to sit at all. Infact I told her she could carry on walking and I’d catch up.

She was happy to stop. She had a drink herself (of coffee, from her flask. Don’t worry, I didn’t breastfeed her too )

Sigh. Your friend is an idiot who clearly has some internalised misogyny since she seems to have forgotten that breasts are in fact, for feeding babies and toddlers. I wouldn't be spending time with her again.
Keep doing your best by your child.

Oh, an odd friend you have, you should have breast fed you baby on the bench, whilst trying to eat a burger as well.

@user1493494961

I agree with friend.

So do i.

@Dandylioness1

Just posted that as it’s the other angle as to why your friend might have been annoyed?

No, I’m pleased I stopped at 6 months - the weaning battles and exhaustion I see on here from extended breastfeeding was what prompted me to stop. The health benefit is so tiny at that point, I figured being well rested with a happy DD was better 😎

You seem confident and capable of defending your parenting choices all of a sudden, so I’m going to conclude this thread is more about fishing for bfing compliments!

People are weird about breastfeeding, those people need to be ignored. Let it go OP.

It's fine to feed wherever, but equally if he's old enough to ask, he's old enough to wait until you have finished in the park, im assuming that your weather is as temperamental as ours! I fed mine until 18 months but by a year I started to feed morning lunch dinner night with water in between

The assumption that a baby/toddler only needs breastmilk when they're hungry is rubbish. In my experience, breastfeeding is the best way to calm a fussy baby. The OP stated he was unsettled. I wouldn't have batted an eyelid at you feeding your son and probably would've joined in feeding my little girl who was two last month. Oh and great communication skills from your son asking for boob. Mine asks for 'milky' while patting her boob of choice.

Ghastly? That a tiny child should expect comfort and nourishment from his mother?

Some people have seriously fucked up views.

No no no! She’s not a good friend! Breastfeed wherever and whenever you need to!

...and for as long as you want to! 13 months is fine, keep going!