To feed my 1 year old outside

[Dandylioness1]

My son is 13 months old.

I met my friend for a walk in the park this morning.

Her daughter is 2 years old.

We’d been walking a while and my son started to become unsettled and was asking for “boob boob”

I told my friend I’d stop at the next bench and let him have some milk.

She seemed mortified by this idea. She asked me if I could give him some water instead and that he was too old for me to be feeding him in public.

I told her I would be discreet about it but she said it was just about being discreet and that it’s also an issue that he’s 13 months and doesn’t need breastmilk, she said I should offer him water or a snack instead.

I ignored what she said I found a place to sit and let my son have some milk.

It’s made me feel pretty bad now and as a first time mum (who’s spent my sons first year in a global pandemic and lockdowns) i feel like I’m doing it all wrong. 🙁

AIBU to feed him on demand at this age?

Some posters really do not like to be called out on ridiculous behaviour, do they.

What's the ridiculous behaviour? Feeding a hungry child? Or are you talking about the extreme reactions to ordinary biological functions?

There should be a cartoon character called "boob boob" 😂

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

A 13 month old doesn’t need feeding on demand though. They need breakfast, lunch and tea with milk first thing and before bed.

So do you suggest that on the times when he asks in between, that I say no?

I don’t think he’d be happy with that. 🙁

You are going to struggle when your toddlers wants go beyond breastfeeding and most of them are unreasonable.yes, sometimes ~every 5 minutes~ you do have to say no to toddlers, no, they aren't very happy about it, you have to live with that or else you might have a very indulged toddler who lives on cake, mini cheddars, & daddy's beer because they asked and you can't possibly say no.

So, so true. Bf is like magic in controlling an overtired baby and it’s so easy to fall into the trap of using it like a magic wand to fix every demand or discomfort and to put baby to sleep. But what happens when you stop? I purposely try to keep bf to nutritional purposes only (so only for when he feeds for at least 10mins) because he needs to learn how to self-soothe and find comfort in other ways. At 15 mo a cuddle or distraction really helps.

@GrumpyHoonMain

I bf and All I see in OP’s posts is a mum who might be struggling to cope with her ds’ bf demands or might be using bf as a way to control her dc’s behaviour - I am part of several bf groups and have met nobody who feeds ‘urgently’on demand at that age.

I’m not struggling with the demands of breastfeeding, nor do I struggle to “control” my sons behaviour.

I’m not entirely sure what you even mean by that comment.

WELL DONE OP! Feeding your baby for more than a year is a great start in life for him.

And if anyone says anything to you while feeding in public ask them how they think they were fed as babies (or tell them to mind their own bloody business)

PS your friend is a stupid twit

@12345ct

I agreed with your friend because of the urgency to stop on a damp bench and not to wait for a more comfortable place as your son didn't need feeding urgently like a younger baby that solely relies on milk. Breastfeeding doesn't make me feel uncomfortable I also breastfeeding my children and still currently doing so.

But OP has already said the bench wasn't damp so that's a non-issue.

Why does feeding a child need to be 'urgent' the child wanted breast milk and got breast milk - why should OP have to carry other snacks with her or offer him something he didn't want?
Why the need to judge a totally normal activity?

So, so true. Bf is like magic in controlling an overtired baby and it’s so easy to fall into the trap of using it like a magic wand to fix every demand or discomfort and to put baby to sleep. But what happens when you stop?

Then you start a MN thread about how your child lets out a blood curdling scream if you try to refuse, you’re at the end of your tether with exhaustion and are thinking of putting lemon juice on your nipples 🤷🏼‍♀️ That seems the next natural step, anyway

I breastfed my son and am currently breastfeeding my daughter (6wks old). Honestly I would feel the same as your friend although I wouldn't say anything as it's none of my business. I would be irritated by someone wanting to stop on a walk to breastfeed a toddler though.
I've many friends who've done extended feeding, my sister fed my nephew until age 4 but literally no one would have done it out and about at that age when their children could have just as easily had a snack or drink of water.
That's not to say you shouldn't though....everyone has a choice how they parent.

I was with a friend on a walk and her 2 year old DS started getting a bit whingy and she asked if I'd mind if she stopped on a bench and breastfed. I was shocked she had to ask, I said of course that's fine you don't need to ask and she said a lot of her friends and family have a problem with her still breastfeeding her toddler. I think it's a sorry state of affairs when people don't bat an eyelid if you give your child milk from another animal but think it's wrong for you to give them human milk.

Yanbu. It’s normal, natural and healthy to breastfeed babies on demand. I bet she wouldn’t have had an issue with you feeding him a bottle on a bench even though that’s much less natural! There is still so much stigma around breastfeeding, especially children over the age of 1, and it’s a great shame.

@Tianatiers

I was with a friend on a walk and her 2 year old DS started getting a bit whingy and she asked if I'd mind if she stopped on a bench and breastfed. I was shocked she had to ask, I said of course that's fine you don't need to ask and she said a lot of her friends and family have a problem with her still breastfeeding her toddler. I think it's a sorry state of affairs when people don't bat an eyelid if you give your child milk from another animal but think it's wrong for you to give them human milk.

Hang on a minute. If a toddler is whingy because they want boob, that’s not meeting a need, thats creating a need isn’t it? If they were weaned and had forgotten about the boob, they wouldn’t get whingy and unhappy about needing it would they? It’s a self fulfilling cycle really. Not saying it’s wrong, but all this ‘meeting a need’ stuff is really just ‘creating a need’.

Meh, surely a sippy cup and a banana would suffice at that age.

@Wondermule

Or they just come to the natural of their breastfeeding journey with you as and when they are ready. I've breastfed five children now and not once have I considered putting anything on my nipples to deter them.

*natural end

You friend has problems. Sad that people are still so backward. You did nothing wrong OP

@Wondermule

You seem very anti breastfeeding, on all of your posts.

I find that surprising since you said you breasted for 6 months. Perhaps you had a bad experience or you just didn’t enjoy it.

Either way, you seem to just not like breastfeeding.

Not saying it’s wrong, but all this ‘meeting a need’ stuff is really just ‘creating a need’.

What?! Breastfeeding mothers don’t create a need in their children. All children need nourishment, comfort, security, nutrients, reassurance. Breastfeeding provides all of those things, regardless of whether the child is 6 weeks or 2 years old.

The WHO recommends breastfeeding for 2 years. The natural weaning span for human infants can be anywhere between 1 and 7 years. Not all women want to breastfeed for that long (or at all) and that’s completely reasonable, but it doesn’t make the women who do breastfeed children over the age of 1 unreasonable. It’s perfectly acceptable to use the tools nature gave us to soothe and nurture our children.

@maddiemookins16mum

Meh, surely a sippy cup and a banana would suffice at that age.

Why the obsession with stuffing children full of snacks instead of providing all they need in breastmilk?

@Wondermule toddlers still need milk as part of their diet. This friend had tried offering water and food, her child wanted /needed milk and maybe also wanted/needed a cuddle with her mum. What's the problem?

You are never going to get any sort of consensus here; everyone has their own views/opinions on everything and anything to do with raising a child, especially breastfeeding and everyone believes their view is the right one. The fact of the matter is your friend not only had an issue with it but chose to vocalise that. You were confident enough to dismiss her comment and still do what you felt was right at the time (for what it's worth I am currently breastfeeding my 3yo and if she asked for it when on a walk I would stop and feed her because it's what I believe is right)
I think you have had possibly your first (but by no means last if you're happy to feed beyond what some people deem the acceptable age 🙄) experience of 'everyone knows how to parent your child better than you do'.
I say to you rock on, your baby your boobs your choice and actually you are doing an incredible thing for your baby because as a PP mentioned the WHO recommend you BF for 2yrs and beyond but just arm yourself with replies for when people inevitably feel they have the right to comment. Some of the looks/comments from friends/people I know when they find out I'm 'still' feeding are a bit hard to swallow but don't take it to heart-it's not worth causing a rift in the friendship; I'm sure she occasionally makes parenting choices that aren't your cup of tea but that's just how it goes. I am part of a really positive and friendly BFing group on FB that although I rarely post on, helps me by seeing lots of others making a similar parenting choice when it comes to feeding my child.
Keep on boobin proudly mumma x

Your friend is ridiculous. It is only the pressure to get back to work that we wean children so early. 1 year is completely natural to be breastfeeding.

YANBU at all.

The world health organisation recommends breast milk until AT LEAST two years old.

You are doing a wonderful job and should feed your baby whenever and wherever you damn well please. The law is completely on your side, as are normal people.

I’m just impressed a 13 month old can say “boob boob” and know what it means :)

[quote Dandylioness1]@Wondermule

You seem very anti breastfeeding, on all of your posts.

I find that surprising since you said you breasted for 6 months. Perhaps you had a bad experience or you just didn’t enjoy it.

Either way, you seem to just not like breastfeeding.[/quote]
No it was fine, didn’t get mastitis or anything, and had only nice comments from other people, which was good.

I’m just very dubious about the Mumsnet spiel about ‘meeting needs’ etc. I’ve seen so many posts from desperate mums that are a slave to breastfeeding and how it has created a fractious toddler, and I’m generally very ‘happy mum happy baby’ in my outlook on parenting.

I worry some of the overly emotional language and distorted facts around health benefits lead mums to feel they must bf to 2, which can contribute to guilt and PND if they can’t do it.

But that’s another thread I guess isn’t it!

@Thehop

YANBU at all.

The world health organisation recommends breast milk until AT LEAST two years old.

You are doing a wonderful job and should feed your baby whenever and wherever you damn well please. The law is completely on your side, as are normal people.

They recommend it because of third world countries not having the safe facilities to make formula. Another MN myth to guilt trip mums!