To not understand all the Mothers Day complaining

[Crankley]

I'm childless and do not understand this view nowadays that DH/DPs are expected to buy gifts and pander to their other halves on Mothers Day. The women aren't their mothers.

The day originated from Mothering Sunday when all the girls in service were given a day's holiday to go and spend the day with their mothers. There's no record of the mothers being pissed off because their husbands didn't buy them something.

As a child in the 40s and 50s I don't recall my DF buying my DM anything - his focus was on his own mother and when we were old enough we would make a card and buy some flowers for DM, make her breakfast in bed etc.

When did it all change?

I am upset that it was not acknowledged by ds at all. I didn’t expect a present but a card would have been nice but he cba

I’m mother, father, teacher, confident and do everything I can to make him happy he is always put first

So yes I will have a little moan

Traditions have changed a lot since the 40s and 50s.

Why do you have a problem with partners helping children show that they appreciate their mum or showing their appreciation for the role their child's mother plays in raising them?

My baby is a few weeks old and I will treasure the words my dh wrote in my card for years to come. I will make a similar fuss of him on father's day because I love him and want him to know that he's doing a great job.

The wide-eyed 'I just don't understand' thing is equally baffling. Small children can't do these things on their own, so their other equal parent shows them and helps them to understand from an early age that it's a nice thing to do for their mums. You say your father didn't make an effort to help you do this for your mum so maybe that's why you 'don't understand'. Luckily times have moved on and more is expected of men these days, so many like to use this day as an extra day of showing their children how important it is to show appreciation to their mothers, on top of the way they show their children daily to show thanks and appreciation. I'm not sure why it bothers you so much anyway. If you don't want to get involved with it, don't. If you think it's a ridiculous day then just ignore it. You don't get to decide that mums shouldn't have a day dedicated to them and what they might expect their husbands/partners to do to honour it.

We don’t go mad for Mother’s Day. Just a card and a small gift. However I don’t actually enjoy Mother’s Day as I have this expectation that I will get to sit with my feet up & the children will be lovely all day. Every year one or both of them end up having some kind of tantrum. At least on a normal day I expect this so I don’t feel disappointed 😂

@alltoomuchrightnow
You sound incredibly bitter

[quote luckylavender]@Bonnie90x - you're on a public forum sharing though [/quote]
LOL aren’t we all? Doesn’t mean she puts up a banner in the street or posts on Instagram. If nobody wanted to share on a public forum MN should just shut down.

On a wider note, I do get how infuriating ingratitude can be, but why should gratitude and kindness be infuriating? I feel like effing Pollyanna asking this but seriously - why would anyone have a problem with someone else having a nice time, appreciating it and being ready to do the same for others? I have to assume there are some miserable sods out there who just can’t bear the idea of any woman anywhere having a nice time.

I buy my DP flowers and a gift on Mother's Day as I am truly blessed by her being mother to my children and everything she has endured over the years. I'm very grateful to her and see today as an opportunity to celebrate it.

I completely agree op. My 3 had all made cards at school and my partner bought a bunch of daffodils for each of them to give me. I love daffodils! I'm made up with my day. Although I do generally feel appreciated and we share housework, childcare, lie ins etc. Maybe if I didn't I would feel differently

@trevthecat

I completely agree op. My 3 had all made cards at school and my partner bought a bunch of daffodils for each of them to give me. I love daffodils! I'm made up with my day. Although I do generally feel appreciated and we share housework, childcare, lie ins etc. Maybe if I didn't I would feel differently

So your dp organised flowers from the dc as school had taken care of cards? That’s what a lot of us were hoping for!

@Turnedouttoes

I agree. I always thought Mother’s Day was a card and flowers or maybe chocolates. MIL requested (without being asked) for a £70 bottle of perfume which I thought was incredibly grabby considering DP hasn’t been able to work for the last 3 months. With flowers, card and breakfast that he took round to her, the day easily cost him £100.

My own mum got a card and some lillies

That is ridiculous especially if he can't afford it

Well I imagine newborn babies are not able to pop into the co-op and but their mum a card so their DH does it in the baby's place.

This winds you up? Really? Can I suggest you try a new hobby?

Mothers give a lot of time and attention to their children so it’s an occasion for that giving be acknowledged with a token return gift, say a bunch of flowers or a lie in or a card etc. When the children are little they need help making a card or whatever. It’s not rocket science. We mark important things with festivals. What is important to a society changes. So festivals change. People will find excuses to be drama queens, Mother’s Day or no Mother’s Day.

After a year when women have been more affected by homeschooling and redundancy, more burdened with running a household without the usual means of support (be it cleaners, grandparents, friends, school, clubs, afterschool and breakfast clubs, everything just worse - even sodding hairdressers) in THIS year of all years, I'd like mums of younger kids and teens to get a huge, massive thank you from their DPs who, quite often, haven't shouldered as much of the burden.

I didn't get or expect to get anything. I think the first year of being a mum I made an effort with my own mum and MIL, they both thought I was mad! If the children as they get older decide to something fine, if they don't I won't be upset and I certainly won't be looking to DH for a gift! If you want to do it, fine but maybe make sure your other half and kids are on the same page so we don't need to read moaning posts about your awful Mother's Day!

Blimey OP, just live and let live. If a man wants to give his wife flowers to show his appreciation for the fact she is the mother to HIS children, what’s the harm in that? Please tell me? He can get flowers for his own mother too you know. Hardly the crime of the century, is it? Who cares what your parents did or didn’t do in the year whatever.

What next? “No sorry - you’re not allowed to buy Easter Eggs for your wife. Put that back! I’ll have you know my DF never did this in the 70s and we just boiled eggs... “

“What’s this now... diamonds for having a baby? I don’t recall this in my particular memory of the 70s, therefore it should not be happening...”

@ssd

It probably changed when card companies and retailers realised that by exploiting peoples feelings they could make more money. I don't remember it being a thing when I was young.

^This is my thought too. It’s been commercialised into another reason to be a good little consumer and run out and buy tat, thus contributing to the environmental devastation of the planet but companies get a nice little earner in March at the end of the first quarter of the year.

I received a really nice eco friendly gift from my dds today, delightful

I think contrived presents from husbands lack a certain authenticity. If children are respectful, loving, considerate beings they’ll do something in their own way in good time. Toddlers and babies can’t possibly understand the concept, so I don’t understand the desire for a pretend fuss.
Teenagers can be thoughtless and forgetful but should be able to put something together - even if it’s cooking supper or washing up.

It’s Mothering Sunday, a day for visiting mothers who are distant. Most children live at home, so no real reason to do much.

Teenagers can be thoughtless and forgetful but should be able to put something together - even if it’s cooking supper or washing up.

What's so second rate about cooking supper that it deserves an "even if it's just"?

Ahh husband is normal. Kids enjoy it. I've spent the day with breakfast in bed. Watched a film from 90s with everyone. What's the problem??

For me it’s an acknowledgment for being a cleaner, maid, cook, laundrette, bill payer, judging stressful job, nanny, home schooling, dog Walker, all whilst keeping a smile on my face and keeping everyone else happy.
I deserve acknowledgment on Mothers Day. No big present. Card would be lovely. Someone to make my Sunday roast for once and clean up after it. No foot rubs, just to feel appreciated and special. Sadly, today is like any other Sunday in this house. And yes, I am feeling sorry for myself and totally and utterly taken for granted. Tomorrow they can have beans on toast. Only regret I did all their work clothes for tomorrow. Wouldn’t dream of treating my mum or stepmum like that!!!!! All I wanted was one day for someone to at least make ‘me’ a cuppa. Tomorrow will come and no I won’t make beans on toast, because I would feel guilty. Wtaf.

I’ll join the “bit disappointed” gang today. Usually not at all fussed by Mother’s Day at all. And would be thrilled with a homemade card from DD.

For the past 4-5 months “D”H has been training for a massive sporting event. He is not a sportsman. This means that he needs to train twice a day, 6 days a week - around 2.5-3 hours per day. Thanks to both having full time jobs and a child to home school this has meant me regularly picking up more than him. Eg sorting DD out, home schooling, new uniform to replace what she has grown out of, nagging her about music practice and showering, getting her to bed. Personally this has meant working all hours around DD, skipping my own workouts a couple of times a week, being disturbed at silly o’clock when he has an early meeting and needs to work out earlier. I thought he might acknowledge this, somehow.

Nope. Just a hurriedly scribbled card made from printer paper and running-out felt pen from DD. It’s lovely, but I didn’t think it was too much to ask for some flowers or chocolate as a thanks.

Well when you see other lovely husbands showing their appreciation for everything their wife does by say taking their children out to buy flowers and a card, and your husband doesn't acknowledge the day at all then it's hard to think, well other husbands appreciate their wives and mine doesn't appreciate me.

Mothering Sunday was certainly a thing 20 years ago when I used to teach Sunday school! I got the kids making posies of fresh flowers in lacy doilies, to give to their mums after the service. When some of the boys protested it was sissy, it was a useful chance to explain to them that they were doing it to please their mums, not themselves, and as a way to thank their mums for everything they did for them.
The mums were always v chuffed to be given the handmade gifts.

Just because you don't get it doesn't mean others shouldn't do something that gives them and their family joy. My children are old enough to sort mothers day nut haven't really but my DH got me some nice presents, bought cards for them, made me the cooked breakfast my dd said she would make and made roast dinner for us. I really appreciate the effort to show he cares and do the same for him on father's day. Our day of celebration hasn't impacted any other person outside of our household so why do any of you care?