To not understand all the Mothers Day complaining

[Crankley]

I'm childless and do not understand this view nowadays that DH/DPs are expected to buy gifts and pander to their other halves on Mothers Day. The women aren't their mothers.

The day originated from Mothering Sunday when all the girls in service were given a day's holiday to go and spend the day with their mothers. There's no record of the mothers being pissed off because their husbands didn't buy them something.

As a child in the 40s and 50s I don't recall my DF buying my DM anything - his focus was on his own mother and when we were old enough we would make a card and buy some flowers for DM, make her breakfast in bed etc.

When did it all change?

Well if you have young kids who cant go to the shops or have money themselves then it is down to the dp to get something.

Is it only Mothers @Crankley that shouldnt have something nice for them.Or do you include Fathers in this.

And im sorry but unless you have kids you dont know which way you would react if you didnt get anything.

Today i got breakfast in bed,dinner cooked for me.I got presents and cards.Are you implying i shouldnt have got them because you think its a Hallmark holiday.
Why would something that doesnt concern you,bother you. I dont understand that.

Its very tedious.

We don't bother with the Hallmark Holidays at all.

The kids do homemade cards for their grandmothers. That is it. I don't want presents and cards. Same with Fathers Day and Valentines. Its just a palava and I can't be bothered with it.

When did it all change? Why does it matter so much to you - if you are lucky enough to have your mother still with you - enjoy the day with her and let other people celebrate (or not) their own way.

@Bonnie90x - so why does it have to be so public?

It's all too commercialised these days,with every aspect of Mothers day being exploited, much the same as Christmas. I guess that some people,don't know, or care, about the more simplistic ways of celebrating special days, that were the usual ways of doing things in the past.

You often read here, that lots of people get very stressed, when Christmas or Mothers day comes round, as in, getting bad presents, getting no presents, and getting wound up about all the money spent etc.

It has just reminded me that, when I was aged 10 in 1950. I am 70 plus now, I bought my late Mum a gift for Mothers day, from the Woolworths shop in our town. It was pale blue plastic perpetual calendar,with little flowers on it. You just had to turn a little knob on the front, to alter the day, month and year., and she said at the time, now, there is no point in buying me any more Mothers day gifts, as this one will last forever.. which it did, and I still have it. she died some years ago when she was 86..

I used to visit her a lot, and usually just bought some daffodils and some cake for her for Mothers day.

@yellowlorry123

It's all Commercial crap. I totally agree. Told Husband not to get me a gift. Flowers, cars, coffee in bed was nice

You got a car? Beat that Mr toilet roll holder giver!

I must admit my OH has the attitude you describe and has always said you are not my mother

I did find it upsetting when he didn't encourage the dc to help out or recognise the day but then he only sends a card to his mum

At some point in the 70 years since 1950 women just started expecting more from their partners, I suppose.

Maybe it’s out of appreciation for the person you are in a relationship with. I’m sure it’s reciprocated in most relationships, whether what is done seems ott to many or just a simple supporting the childish in creating home made cards and a fun day. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree. I always thought Mother’s Day was a card and flowers or maybe chocolates.
MIL requested (without being asked) for a £70 bottle of perfume which I thought was incredibly grabby considering DP hasn’t been able to work for the last 3 months. With flowers, card and breakfast that he took round to her, the day easily cost him £100.

My own mum got a card and some lillies

My first Mother's Day was in the USA (May not March) and I was shocked to see adverts suggesting diamonds were the gift for Mother's Day. Other gifts the tv adverts suggested were a Lexus, Rolex watches ... you get the picture. At the time in the U.K. it was a card and a bunch of daffodils! We seemed to have important their consumerism - saw an advert for jewellery for Mother's Day last week. This year a hug would be good, alas not possible

My kids did fuck all for me
And did i take it well ?
No I didn’t
Ungrateful little bastards
And I lost two expensive items as I was so annoyed
Today sucked

And sorry to anyone else having a shit day too !

@Crankley

I'm childless and do not understand this view nowadays that DH/DPs are expected to buy gifts and pander to their other halves on Mothers Day. The women aren't their mothers.

The day originated from Mothering Sunday when all the girls in service were given a day's holiday to go and spend the day with their mothers. There's no record of the mothers being pissed off because their husbands didn't buy them something.

As a child in the 40s and 50s I don't recall my DF buying my DM anything - his focus was on his own mother and when we were old enough we would make a card and buy some flowers for DM, make her breakfast in bed etc.

When did it all change?

“I’m childless and I do not understand”

Fixed your post for you 👍

I think it’s nice to have your kids/family see you for the day. A little bit of appreciation is very touching. I’m a single parent, I don’t expect presents or breakfast in bed- I bought myself a bunch of daffodils and some lindor. But my twins made me lovely cards at nursery covered in little quotes of all the things that they love about me which really made my day.

In contrast, DD1 is 11, and the only one who could have bought something without help and she didn’t bother or even make me a card which made me feel a bit unappreciated tbh. I don’t think it has to be a big deal but it’s nice to be acknowledged in some small way.

By making me a card and getting me some flowers my DH is modelling gratitude and appreciation. I think this is a great example to set to our DC.

Not sure what is so hard to understand? It is nice to be appreciated as the mother of our children and for all that I do for them daily, I woupd do so anyway but it is nice to be made to feel special. I am a mother to two young children and expecting my 3rd. This is the second mother's day I haven't been able to see my mum or mil. My kids are too little to be able to buy me anything from their own pocket. Instead I got a lovely handmade card, beautiful tulips that my dd chose and have been wished a happy mothers day by both of them. Their dad, my dh has made me breakfast, lunch and is now cooking dinner, we got dressed up and had some lovely photos. We sent gifts to both mum and mil as they are the two most important women in our lives and we love and appreciate them, plus we can afford to.

@luckylavender it's not? Not for us anyway. I don't share on social media, not sure about others though I guess it's their choice.

We don't do mother's Day. It's just a money making exercise. My own mum loves spontaneous flowers or a meal out ANY time of the year

My ex-husband showed up with a plant and shooed me upstairs while he and the DC made me a card. As he put it "You're the mother of my children and that should be acknowledged"

FFS, life's hard enough. Why not celebrate when you can?

@Bonnie90x - you're on a public forum sharing though

Because maybe some people do find it a big deal and their dh knows that
Like birthdays some don't care others do but normally you make an effort for your partner if they do
Personally a card and token gift or card and breakfast cooked is enough for me and thats my expectations , so yes I would be miffed if that isn't recognised ,

I also sent messages to my ex-MIL as well as speaking to my mum and sending her a gift. Surely this is normal?

Also remember this year most of us actually can't spend the day with our mothers

I would have looked at my husband like he'd grown a second head if he'd gotten me a mother's day card (DD is a baby), but then we've already agreed we're not doing mother's/father's day. We each spoke to our own mothers because that expect it and would be hurt otherwise.

Just live and let live I think. It's not for me but if couples want to organise things for each other on these days, okay.

Adult DS apparently nearly forgot because the shops aren't open so it is not being thrust in his face when he goes out. I can't remember if DH got me one from DS when he was little.