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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In-laws not bothering on mother’s day

350 replies

Kkpab86 · 14/03/2021 08:22

Ok please don’t shoot me....
Before I make a complete tit out of myself I just wanted to ask your opinions on whether in-laws should acknowledge Mother’s Day? For the sake of brevity I’ll keep it short;
It’s my first Mother’s Day, DD is 5 months old and like many mothers I went through the whole of pregnancy alone and the last 5 months alone - as in no help/support bubbles from family. I have no parents and my dear aunt, the closest person to a mother, sadly died of cancer 2 months ago. I just thought with everything my DH and I have been through this past year that they would at least make some sort of an effort/acknowledge me as a new mother to their only grandchild? Am I being unreasonable? The funny thing is it was DH who brought it up and the more I think about it the sadder I feel.
Thank you.

OP posts:
SilverBirchWithout · 14/03/2021 13:28

*DF = DW

Grapewrath · 14/03/2021 13:29

I mean I think if I had grandchildren I’d send my daughters or daughters in law a message to say that they’re doing a great job. Especially if I knew they’d really struggled etc.

Coffeeandcocopops · 14/03/2021 13:30

What has your DH done? I’m hoping he bought his mother a card at least and that he also got you a card and gift on behalf of your child. Can you explain?

Coyoacan · 14/03/2021 13:30

It's sad to see that the OP, instead of taking consolation from the fact that she is getting her knickers in a twist about a non-event, has taken the huff.

It has obviously been a difficult year for her and we are all a bit frayed.

MsAwesomeDragon · 14/03/2021 13:32

Mother's Day is from the younger generation to the older. So your dh should be sending a mother's day gift to his mother, and "helping" your baby make today special for you.

It's not really a day that people outside of your children acknowledge really. I'm sorry you feel sad though, and I hope you have had plenty of pampering from dh.

LizB62A · 14/03/2021 13:35

This is for your partner to do, not your in-laws
He presumably bought a card for his own mother, he should have bought one for you too and signed it from your child.
Your anger/disappointment is completely misplaced

GappyValley · 14/03/2021 13:36

@MsAwesomeDragon

Mother's Day is from the younger generation to the older. So your dh should be sending a mother's day gift to his mother, and "helping" your baby make today special for you.

It's not really a day that people outside of your children acknowledge really. I'm sorry you feel sad though, and I hope you have had plenty of pampering from dh.

I woke up to a message from my MIL, as I expect my SILs did

Before noon, I had messages from my NCT mates, my best mates and messages in our group whatsapp for nursery and a sports club

Things have moved on from Mothering Sunday traditions. It’s widely seen as a day for women to just be a little bit celebrated for all the work they do as a parent throughout the year.

OP is well within her rights to be miffed her in-laws didn’t think to Mark it for her

Benjispruce2 · 14/03/2021 13:38

@GappyValley that’s unusual. You’re not their mother!Grin

TheBusiness · 14/03/2021 13:42

Yes I wondered why op’s husband mentioned about his parents. Did he not do anything and was passing the buck?

Floralnomad · 14/03/2021 13:44

@GappyValley I think you are confusing it with national women’s day or whatever it’s called , what you have described is certainly not normal Mothers Day behaviour with anybody I know or have ever known and I’m in my 50s .

Reinventinganna · 14/03/2021 13:44

It isn’t in law day.

Reinventinganna · 14/03/2021 13:45

Have you done anything for your mother in law?

GreyhoundG1rl · 14/03/2021 13:45

Before noon, I had messages from my NCT mates, my best mates and messages in our group whatsapp for nursery and a sports club

Well, that's just bizarre, if you don't mind me saying so.

MrsWP · 14/03/2021 13:46

YABU.

I got my mum gifts. DH sent his mum a card and gifts.

DC made me cards. DH got a gift and flowers for DC to give me.

I expect nothing from my mum/MIL. (We zoomed with MIL this morning and she did wish me a nice Mother's day so that was sweet but not expected in any way.

EasterGuineaPig · 14/03/2021 13:56

@GreyhoundG1rl

Before noon, I had messages from my NCT mates, my best mates and messages in our group whatsapp for nursery and a sports club

Well, that's just bizarre, if you don't mind me saying so.

It isn’t bizarre at all. Same here with all my antenatal, NCT and mums groups. Why not celebrate each other.
SunshineCake · 14/03/2021 13:56

My MIL texted me to wish me a Happy Mother's Day and hoped I am resting and taking it easy.

It is nice if a MIL acknowledges you are both mothers but really it is down to your DH and DC to show you whatever it is you need.

MsAwesomeDragon · 14/03/2021 13:57

gappyvalley I would say that's incredibly unusual. In my neck of the woods nobody gets mother's day messages from anyone other than their own children. Maybe it's area specific, or maybe your close circle are more "special day" minded than mine. But it's certainly not an expectation that anyone I've come across would have.

People I know would be upset if their children hadn't marked the occasion (although my young adult dd hasn't sent even a text, but she's having a tough time at the minute so I'm not upset about it). They would be upset if their dh hadn't thought about it and facilitated young children getting/making a present. Nobody I know would be upset if anyone else hadn't acknowledged it, and would be pretty surprised to get anything (even a text) from someone other than their DC or DH.

GappyValley · 14/03/2021 13:59

@MsAwesomeDragon

gappyvalley I would say that's incredibly unusual. In my neck of the woods nobody gets mother's day messages from anyone other than their own children. Maybe it's area specific, or maybe your close circle are more "special day" minded than mine. But it's certainly not an expectation that anyone I've come across would have.

People I know would be upset if their children hadn't marked the occasion (although my young adult dd hasn't sent even a text, but she's having a tough time at the minute so I'm not upset about it). They would be upset if their dh hadn't thought about it and facilitated young children getting/making a present. Nobody I know would be upset if anyone else hadn't acknowledged it, and would be pretty surprised to get anything (even a text) from someone other than their DC or DH.

I’m in London so maybe we are all just a bit kinder to mums here Wink
Floralnomad · 14/03/2021 14:02

@EasterGuineaPig because you are not their mother , the clue is in the name . To me it’s a bit like sending a valentines card to everyone that you know .

SunshineCake · 14/03/2021 14:03

I have phoned two ladies who aren't my mum but looked me as a child to wish them HMD and both said it made their day. I also sent a text to my oldest friend saying I am thinking of her as her mum died a few years ago. Later I will message another old friend who is having her first with both her children away at uni for the first time.

Hopeishere52 · 14/03/2021 14:03

It sounds like you are missing your aunt and her role as a mother figure in your life. I am sorry for your loss. I think Mother’s Day is an opportunity for your husband, with your child to express their appreciation and love of you as a mother. It is not something I’d usually expect in laws to be involved with.
I hope you have lovely day with your husband and he makes a big fuss of you Flowers

GreyhoundG1rl · 14/03/2021 14:06

I'm in London too, GappyValley. We don't tend to use Mother's Day to "celebrate each other" in my world.
It seems to have made you happy and that's great, but it really isn't the purpose of the day and can obviously lead to upset when people fail to live up to roles that they have no idea have been thrust upon them.
As appears to have happened in this case.

EasterGuineaPig · 14/03/2021 14:07

[quote Floralnomad]@EasterGuineaPig because you are not their mother , the clue is in the name . To me it’s a bit like sending a valentines card to everyone that you know .[/quote]
Ooh you’d hate my friends. We wish each other happy Valentine’s Day too Grin

GreyhoundG1rl · 14/03/2021 14:09

Nobody hates your friends, EasterGuineaPig
We're simply pointing out that expecting such things can lead to disappointment. It's perfectly simple.

LavenderDiamond · 14/03/2021 14:11

But you've not been completely alone, you've had your DH, no?

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